Husband slapped friend in a bikinis bum when drunk.

[Sarahnetheands]

Yesterday we were all having a few drinks and then everyone started getting more and more drunk. All day my husband had been kind of grabbing my bum when people were not looking, I kind of thought that was a sacred thing. However at the end of the night my friend who can be quite let’s say, loose, when she is drunk, was dancing around in a bikini most the night since someone told her to take her shorts off. Anyway she purposely kept bending over “cleaning cupboards” and dancing, the ratio was 2: women to 5 men including me and my husband. She had been kind of handsy with all the men throughout the night, I saw at one point she tried to kiss my husbands cheek but he did pull away
about an hour or two later My husband walks past and slaps her on the side of her body, I’m not sure if it was her bum but it still was wildly inappropriate and I felt disgusted. He is saying he doesn’t even remember doing it and just says I apologize, but I don’t feel like that’s good enough?

any advice on how to deal with this? Am I wrong?

I’m now thinking what would have happened if I wasn’t there, and it wasn’t my friend, can he handle himself when he is drunk or will he give into temptation.

Really not a big deal when drunk, so I'd just forget about it, tbh.

Sounds like you wanted to play the free and fun wife but you’re actually not the free and fun wife. If you don’t want your husband and friend to get flirty, stop having these strangely teenage drunken gatherings where you rev each other up and where your friend is ‘bending over’ like a bloody baboon in mating season wiggling her arse at them. How were YOU behaving? And what were the other men doing this whole time? If you don’t want boundaries blurred, keep your fence up. You basically let him think you didn’t mind him looking at your friends arse, didn’t mind her kissing him inappropriately, and actually let him get all sexy with you in front of them all. And then he feel’s emboldened to up the ante and you get pissed off? Rookie mistake me thinks. And I’d recommend you keep an eye on them…

To be honest he pulled away from the kiss which proves his intentions. Your friend sounds like the problem here, her behaviour is inappropriate, not the dancing in her bikini but the kissing and getting handsy with her friends husbands. The slap on the bum could have been jokey or playful, I've slapped my mates arse after a few drinks before and it certainly didn't mean I wanted to sleep with them. If your husband had done it to somebody who would have been upset about it/wasn't already table dancing and trying to snog him, I'd have said he was behaving very poorly but given the circumstances I think it was fine.

Exactly.. it’s like when women think their poor men have been tempted away from them for affairs and one night stands like some helpless creature. It is ALL on men not to be sleazy, perverted, handsy.

If someone tried to kiss my husband I’d batter them politely and calmly ask them to leave. Especially if I was drunk. This woman is not your friend. Also the whole thing sounds like the start of a seedy porno.

I asked her a few times if she wants to put clothes on and she just replied “am I hanging out?” Obviously trying to get the men to imagine her “hanging out”. What else should I have said when she tried to kiss him in the cheek? I’m not sure what else I could have done @Devonshiregal

@Catsandcannedbeans even if it was jokingly like grabbing him and kissing on the cheek?

@Anotherparkingthread yeah I see your point, but she would have probably been dying for him to touch her, so isn’t him touching her a sign of interest?

Yes, but I don’t think any of my friends would do that because they know I wouldn’t find it funny. I wouldn’t want to kiss any of my friend’s partners on the cheek either even as a joke - not because they’re all mingers because I think it’s disrespectful and weird.

I would be finding a new friend, cutting back on the booze, and having a conversation with OH about doing the same with me.
As for this incident, you all sound as bad as each other and there was likely to be an outcome such as this. Let it go, mistake made.

Maybe you should find another group- your friend doesn’t sound like she’s a great friend of yours

So your H was behaving in an overtly sexual way with you in front of your friends and then behaved in an inappropriate way with your friend.
Yes I would be disgusted and I would wonder how he behaves with women when you arent present.
I would also be deciding as to whether I wanted to be part of a lifestyle which involved excessive alcohol intake and sexually uninhibited behaviour which your H and your " friend" seem to be buying in to.

All sounds trashy. Hardly a fine dining event where 5 blokes encourage a woman to strip down when all are clearly intoxicated. I think you need to review the company you get involved with. I'd get over it but try to step up a couple of classes.

Stop getting so pissed and you won't have a repeat of the situation.
I say this as somebody who used to really like a drink; however behaviours can't be relied upon when people are overly inebriated and it's not worth the hassle of trying to disentangle intentions the next day.

Dump the friend (you and your DH), she’s trouble. Cut down your drinking. I would let it go with your DH.

So you just sat there drinking more once you’d seen she tried to kiss your dh?

He was obviously drunk, as were others. One of those things.

getting handsy with all the men, dancing around in her bikini and constantly bending down to ‘ooops clean the cupboards 😉😉’ is incredibly crass behaviour.
his behaviour was also crass.

Thank god I don’t socialise like this

Why was she in a bikini bending over in the kitchen,are you on holiday?

Yep. She was asking for it. Women who dance about in a bikini when drunk are just inviting men to put their hands on her. She deserved everything she got.

🤦🏻‍♀️

Is 'cleaning cupboards' a dance move, or was she actually cleaning the cupboards?

that’s unacceptable as far as I’m concerned.

It just sounds like a drunken mess.

I asked her a few times if she wants to put clothes on and she just replied “am I hanging out?” Obviously trying to get the men to imagine her “hanging out”.

What? Why is that obvious? And surely the men can imagine it without her saying it?