Is OLD as hard for men as it is for women

[Beanfry]

I keep reading about how OLD is a cess pit for women, that there are no good men out there. But are men finding it the same in reverse, or are there really 100 women to every good man?

starting to think about dipping my toe back into the dating world, but the stories of how bad OLD is is putting me off. For context i turned 40 last week, so my dating age range would be 37 - 45

Yes, it's really hard for men too. All the things men get criticised for, women do too. (Except d**k picks!)

i very much doubt it.

i, as a woman, had a look once at women’s profiles, and they are generally far better than the men’s.

I doubt women would just ghost so freely, nor would so many pretend they want a relationship just for sex.

I also think that the married women who have found a good man, will recognise it and cling on, I don’t think that’s true for men who still have affairs etc even if their wife is gorgeous and brilliant, so those women are single.

But most men don’t help themselves .
If they don’t get that many women msging them as soon as they get someone to give them a bit of attention why do they think it’s acceptable to start talking about “coming round for a cuddle” or you ask what they are doing and you’re waiting for the msg to say “just lying on my bed naked”

Ive got a broken leg atm and the amount of men who have still msged asking me if I want to go round or the msgs have still been in some form of sexual . I mean how do they think that will work ?!

A lot are single coz they have no interest in anything but sex …

I think it’s bad but the problems are different. The dynamics of the apps mean the “average” man will find it far, far harder to get likes and matches. A shorter than average man will really struggle.

I've used OLD over the years and I've also specifically asked men on some dates what their experience of it is like.

Some commented that some women filter their photos and dont look the same IRL. Men also experience ghosting and chatting to someone for a while and then they just stop talking. I think women are more upfront on their profiles if they are just looking for something casual whereas that's something men are more likely to hide.

Any amber or red flags just move on. Dont waste time on them.

I agree, most men are their own worst enemy, and their behaviour is self-sabotaging.

I’d like to know why…

Are they really so clueless that they think crude and boorish messages are likely to work?

Or are they so jaded that they’ve effectively given up but just get a kick out of making women recoil (the flasher mentality)?

Or are they so utterly desperate they can’t help themselves in being so inappropriately forward at the slightest attention, even though they realise it’s futile.

OP - if you’re a decent genuine man wanting a proper relationship, you’ll be snapped up on OLD.

I’m a woman.

Ok well that’s not clear from this thread which will confuse the answers you get.

As a woman OLD is an absolute cesspit full of creepy pervy men, lists and cheats - enter at your peril

For men online dating can be hard. Women get loads of responses and messages, and their challenge is to filter out the good from the bad.

men get very very few responses. It’s hard to be clever, interesting and unique when for every 100 times you message you may get 5 responses.

Then you get the usual ghosting, photos heavily filtered, lies about relationship status, weight, future fakers, people only interested in a free meal.

photos usually contain a horse or a dog, a filter with cat/dog ears and nose, a group where you don’t know which one is the one with the profile, the selfie angled from above, the pub toilet mirror. Lots of plumped lips, botoxed foreheads and fake lashes and tans.

the quote about handling me at my worst, no drama (there will be), my kids are my world, looking for a real man.

it’s tough for both sexes out there…

I’m interested in this, as a woman.
I find OLD monotonous… Men seem to either be unable to make conversation beyond “hows you?” Or they seem to be over the top, wanting to message constantly and overshare before even meeting…

And then the ones who are clearly just after one thing “Id love to give you a cuddle right now” etc

I would be interested to hear from a male perspective: do these approaches ever actually work on women?

That's not true. There are plenty of stats out there for how men greatly outnumber women on every one of the major dating apps, and how only a very small percentage of them receive the most amount of likes/matches.

Dating apps don't work for the majority of women or men, for very different reasons.

🤣 no drama (there will be), it's so true 😆

Agree that it’s not true. Genuine and decent men are out there but they get lost in all the noise and the sheer volume of men. If you can get a response and start a conversation then (in my experience) it goes well and it’s easy to progress to meeting. It’s the challenge women have of finding the gem amongst a lot of dross.

@ZoggyStirdustThats probably because men have no issue with messaging women way out of their league. I, as a woman, tended to ‘like’ those I felt were broadly on a level with me. Whereas you get unfit, unemployed, unattractive 50 yr old men messaging gorgeous 30yr old intelligent women and wondering why they don’t get a message back.

All the men I know who’ve done online dating have gone on one or two dates then met the woman they go on to marry 🤷‍♀️

As a woman I got very very few matches so it’s not true we’re all bombarded and having to filter out the wrong uns.

My photos were nothing like the things you’ve said. Just normal unfiltered pics of me going about my life.

I did OLD for about 18 months and only had 9 dates. I had 100’s of likes but very very few matches and of the ones I did match with, most didn’t get beyond a handful of messages.

My single friends have all had similar experiences before giving up so it’s not always true that attractive solvent articulate women are spoilt for choice.

Totally agree. I’m in my 50’s, reasonably attractive, well groomed etc and I had messages from men in their 70’s who resembled Dobby or fat bastard from Austin powers.

I think that’s taller than average, good looking, decent and genuine.

Women get so many matches normally that we can “swipe-left” on the shorter, less attractive ones, and still think we have plenty left to choose from… So, sadly, it’s not often enough for a man to be decent and genuine.

It seems to depend on area and app. If you’re a 30-something woman in London on Tinder, and aren’t overly restrictive in your criteria, you should get inundated.

Not every man has a pic holding a fish, but so many do it’s become a cliche. Not every pic was like the ones I describe, but a lot were.

It’s horrible nowadays - years ago it was better.

I matched with someone a few months ago.

He had just had his tonsils out so was laid up in bed recovering.

I messaged him with a how are you feeling today sort of message.

reply

not too bad - just lay on bed.

Me

You must be getting bored now (This was a couple of days in)

him

Picture of his hard cock with

“I’ve found something to do”

I mean what the fuck? I had only been chatting to him a couple of days!

This is what you are up against. I can’t believe women behave in that way.

I think a lot of men lack theory of mind. They are extremely sex oriented so they assume women are too and in the same way (I like sex but if someone sent me dick pics I would automatically block, I don’t like crudeness). They literally can’t understand how gross the behaviour is to most women.

"No drama" 😅

So why not start your own thread on women on OLD?

Every light hearted thread about men on OLD it’s the same - within a few posts along come the ‘women are just as bad’ - that’s not point of thread is it?