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Original poster

Do I tell his wife or just leave it and block him?

138 replies

ihtgotfp · 01/07/2025 22:15

Been chatting to and having fun with someone I met online, We have met up a few times too. He told me he was single, I would never have done what we did had I known he was married, No wedding ring and I had been to his house twice. Few overnight hotel stays, the odd night out having a few drinks, a few meals out together, We had sex a few times too etc

I could send his wife all the proof she would ever need including face pictures, his mobile number, his email address, pictures of his penis, Pics with his tattoo in them, I could screenshot conversations of him saying he's single and looking to find someone for fun and to get to know leading to something serious.

I have found her online and now have no idea if I should send her a message or just block him and walk away. I only found out he was married an hour ago and have no intention of seeing him or speaking to him again. What should I do?

Thanks.

OP posts:
wfhwfh · 02/07/2025 13:52

tripleginandtonic · 01/07/2025 22:26

Tell him you know and let him sweat on whether or not you'll tell his wife. Then block.

This is what I’d do. Let him think you’ll tell her so he sweats and thinks twice in future.

But don’t risk any aggro for yourself. Block and walk away - you don’t want to get involved in this awful man’s miserable domestic life.

You are totally innocent and free to walk away with your head held high and a clean conscience. It is a real shame for his wife but you’re a victim too and it’s not your responsibility. You won’t be thanked for spilling the beans and you don’t deserve any more unpleasantness

Hollietree · 02/07/2025 13:59

As a wife I would absolutely want you to message me and to provide evidence.

However if my friend was in your situation I would advise them to block and walk away.

So I’m torn!

savethatkitty · 02/07/2025 14:05

Given you have undeniable proof, tell his wife!

BoredZelda · 02/07/2025 14:10

You won’t ever get an answer to this question on here. The fact you;ve found her on social media means you likely want to do it. Do whatever you want to do out of revenge/pity/spite* (delete as appropriate)

I think it’s an awful thing to do to someone you don’t know and usually serves only to make yourself feel better about what you did.

BlueandPinkSwan · 02/07/2025 14:12

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 01/07/2025 23:32

Tell her, but don't send penis photos. There is now a law about this.

Penis photos, just why would you💩?? They are ugly enough in real life, let a lone receiving a photo.

RowsOfFlowers · 02/07/2025 14:13

I don’t think it’s your responsibility personally.

TwistedWonder · 02/07/2025 14:23

BoredZelda · 02/07/2025 14:10

You won’t ever get an answer to this question on here. The fact you;ve found her on social media means you likely want to do it. Do whatever you want to do out of revenge/pity/spite* (delete as appropriate)

I think it’s an awful thing to do to someone you don’t know and usually serves only to make yourself feel better about what you did.

Completely disagree. If my partner was out having sex with other women, I’d want to know and I would far rather hear it from his unwitting OW than find out years down the line.

The OP has done the right thing imo and it’s down to the wife what she does with that information.

ginasevern · 02/07/2025 14:26

I'd block and walk away. The wife could do something regrettable if she found out. You don't know her mental state or anything about her circumstances. You also don't know the man very well. Does he know where you live/work? Could he seek revenge? It could all get very unpleasant. Best off keeping out of it.

Sassybooklover · 02/07/2025 14:30

I'm in two minds here, simply because in a lot of cases when a person says 'I have information regarding your husband, he's cheating on you", they simply aren't believed by the wife/girlfriend. It's a 'shoot the messenger' situation. So yes, you've told told her, and she's read the message but not responded. She may need time to process or she may never respond, putting it down to someone who's 'jealous' or 'crazy'. Often the husband/boyfriend talks his way out of it, makes out the messenger is a nutter, and the wife/girlfriend stays anyway.

pizzaandchips123 · 02/07/2025 15:18

What's the tattoo? This could be my husband

CoralOP · 02/07/2025 15:18

BoredZelda · 02/07/2025 14:10

You won’t ever get an answer to this question on here. The fact you;ve found her on social media means you likely want to do it. Do whatever you want to do out of revenge/pity/spite* (delete as appropriate)

I think it’s an awful thing to do to someone you don’t know and usually serves only to make yourself feel better about what you did.

I think it's morally incorrect to withhold such important information from someone about their life.
It would never cross my mind to tell her over spite or revenge but because as a good human being you should let her know yhe truth.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 02/07/2025 16:20

BoredZelda · 02/07/2025 14:10

You won’t ever get an answer to this question on here. The fact you;ve found her on social media means you likely want to do it. Do whatever you want to do out of revenge/pity/spite* (delete as appropriate)

I think it’s an awful thing to do to someone you don’t know and usually serves only to make yourself feel better about what you did.

It's immoral to withhold important information from people, information that they need to make fact-based decisions about their physical and mental health and financial stability and future.

Withholding such information from someone being cheated not only makes you intensely patronising, it also makes you complicit to the lie.

And infidelity is not a small lie. It is actually every form of abuse imaginable. It is:

  • emotional abuse (many betrayed spouses report sensing something amiss in the relationship long before discovery, which causes them anguish and stress)
  • mental abuse (the lies and gaslighting make the betrayed spouse feel like they're going crazy)
  • physical abuse (BV, risk of STDs, later risk of cancer)
  • sexual abuse (most betrayed spouses would not consent to having sex with someone they know is having sex with someone else)
  • financial abuse
  • for young women, reproductive abuse (chylamdia and gonorrhoea, and other STDs, can cause female infertility)
  • for babies, physical abuse, even murder (some STDs transmitted to pregnant women can lead to congenital diseases that kill the baby or inflict lifelong injury)

I would (and have!) always tell someone if I'd discovered they were being cheated on (with one exception: if the betrayed H could be violent towards his cheating wife). Cheating is mean shit behaviour.

Rainbows41 · 02/07/2025 18:24

I feel like I'm missing a chunk of information above this situation.
How did you find out about him being married?

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