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Original poster

Do I tell his wife or just leave it and block him?

138 replies

ihtgotfp · 01/07/2025 22:15

Been chatting to and having fun with someone I met online, We have met up a few times too. He told me he was single, I would never have done what we did had I known he was married, No wedding ring and I had been to his house twice. Few overnight hotel stays, the odd night out having a few drinks, a few meals out together, We had sex a few times too etc

I could send his wife all the proof she would ever need including face pictures, his mobile number, his email address, pictures of his penis, Pics with his tattoo in them, I could screenshot conversations of him saying he's single and looking to find someone for fun and to get to know leading to something serious.

I have found her online and now have no idea if I should send her a message or just block him and walk away. I only found out he was married an hour ago and have no intention of seeing him or speaking to him again. What should I do?

Thanks.

OP posts:
Newnamehiwhodis · 01/07/2025 23:33

Please tell her. If it were me, I’d want to know. He’s lying to her - and you’re not doing it so you can have him or to wreck his relationship - you’d be doing it out of support for another woman. She should get to have a choice. And she should know to get an std test, because there’s no doubt you’re not the only woman he’s been fooling.

im so sorry :(

Nelly10 · 01/07/2025 23:37

Honestly I was the wife in this scenario and I would have loved someone to tell me would have saved me years of my life! You can do it anonymously but please she needs to know.

Ivereallyhadenough · 01/07/2025 23:42

Yes you should tell her OP.
Give her the proof. Then it's up to her what she decides to do.

Disturbia81 · 01/07/2025 23:48

I would want to know.

aquashiv · 01/07/2025 23:55

Tell her. Block him
How do you have a picture of his penis. Thats grim the dirty bastard

ReadingSoManyThreads · 02/07/2025 00:10

I agree with telling her. Are they definitely still together though?

I'd tell her, be factual, be apologetic, that you had no idea, do not send penis pics. But tell her you have photographs and messages to prove it. Tell her you've already blocked him as soon as you realised. Do not block her, she may have questions and it would be cruel to detonate that grenade then block her leaving her unable to ask you anything about it.

savethatkitty · 02/07/2025 00:13

What a prick. If you have undeniable evidence, tell the wife. She deserves to know.

Kimwestonhelpless · 02/07/2025 02:23

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 01/07/2025 22:36

You went to his house twice but didnt see a single thing indicating he was living with another woman?

I would have thought the bathroom would be a give away unless he put everything away.hard to erase another person's being out of a home.

EllasNonny · 02/07/2025 02:44

I'd want to know so would tell her, whilst protecting myself. She doesn't need to know who you are. I wouldn't want him to know it was me (sorry if that seems cowardly), why risk his wrath and being dragged into any drama. I'd be surprised if you're the only one anyway.

NeedZzzzzssss · 02/07/2025 02:48

Send her a mesage with evidence. It's then up to her what she chooses to do with the information. I think you have a moral obligation to tell her, especially as most people say they would want to know. He sounds like a serial cheater, no one deserves that

MsDogLady · 02/07/2025 02:48

@ihtgotfp, I would absolutely inform his Wife with proof, and would use a platform that the cheating Loser cannot intercept.

Shine a light to bring her out of the dark. Like you, she deserves to know the truth so that she can make decisions accordingly.

wandawaves · 02/07/2025 03:27

How do you know they're still together? Are they separated maybe?

If they are definitely together, I would tell her. I would absolutely want to know.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/07/2025 03:35

You went to his house and no sign of a woman’s touch there ? No pictures of them at all ? Make up ? Toiletries /clothes etx

how do you know he is married ?

Glitchymn1 · 02/07/2025 03:35

I’d tell her. Yes she may know, in which case no harm done. If she doesn’t she can make her own decision as to whether she stays or not. Hope he doesn’t have children and hope his current wife never has a baby with him.

JayJayj · 02/07/2025 03:39

I would want to know if that was my husband. You can giver her the facts and she can do with it as she wants then.

I wouldn’t send everything straight away, tell her what you’ve told us. Explain you can send the evidence if she wants it.

simsbustinoutmimi · 02/07/2025 03:39

Tell her. I would want to know. He is putting both your health at risk doing this. Then get an STI test, you won’t be the only one he’s slept with.

GarlicMetre · 02/07/2025 03:48

Noshadelamp · 01/07/2025 22:24

I don't understand why pp say to walk away. Wouldn't you want to know yourself? I definitely would.

He's betrayed both of you so I understand why you'd want to tell his wife, but you don't have to decide now.
It must be such a shock for you, if you're worried about doing the wrong thing perhaps take some time and decide when you feel ready.

Agree with every word of this.

Sorry you had such a disappointment, OP. What a jerk.

thischarmimgwoman · 02/07/2025 03:57

On the fence — yes, you’d want to know if you were the wife, but you don’t know what he’ll do if you tell her. You barely know him. He could react badly and punish you in some way. Presumably he knows where you live / work if you’ve been to his house. BTW- he must be well practised if there was no sign at all of his wife’s presence?

SandersNilestrom · 02/07/2025 04:09

Noshadelamp · 01/07/2025 22:24

I don't understand why pp say to walk away. Wouldn't you want to know yourself? I definitely would.

He's betrayed both of you so I understand why you'd want to tell his wife, but you don't have to decide now.
It must be such a shock for you, if you're worried about doing the wrong thing perhaps take some time and decide when you feel ready.

Sometimes it’s to avoid inviting trouble into your life. I’d personally walk away too as I wouldn’t want the drama. You never know what the repercussions could be.

BastardesEverywhere · 02/07/2025 04:19

Are you absolutely sure he's married and they're still together?

It seems unusual that you could visit his house twice and have no inkling that his wife lives there.

No photos? No coat or shoes in the hallway, no women's toiletries in the bathroom? Very odd.

Moro93 · 02/07/2025 04:27

100% tell her. I’d want to know if it was me. I really don’t understand the posters saying not to tell her. I’m guessing they’d rather just remain oblivious if their partner was cheating to keep their ‘happy’ lives.

Parky04 · 02/07/2025 05:35

Noshadelamp · 01/07/2025 22:24

I don't understand why pp say to walk away. Wouldn't you want to know yourself? I definitely would.

He's betrayed both of you so I understand why you'd want to tell his wife, but you don't have to decide now.
It must be such a shock for you, if you're worried about doing the wrong thing perhaps take some time and decide when you feel ready.

A friend of mine told his wife about their affair and he battered her. Spent 2 months in hospital, she wished she never said anything.

LAMPS1 · 02/07/2025 05:35

You found her online ?
Do you mean you just stumbled across a photo of them together or do you mean you went looking for her as you suspected for some reason, he might be married?
How do you know they aren’t separated or divorced or not yet married ?
If you went to his house more than once and there were no signs of a female then isn’t it likely he’s no longer with her. Or is that when you became suspicious because there were signs ?
You only found out last night and had no idea whether you should contact her or not. My first thought wouldn’t be to contact her it would be to contact him and tell him you found his wife online and then judge his reaction.

Even if you are certain beyond any doubt that he’s cheating on a wife, I would still stay right out of their affairs. Leave the wife to her own instincts.
Just move on, learn what you can from it and put it behind you.

livetothefull · 02/07/2025 05:54

Tell her. She deserves to know. Otherwise you’re actually covering for him. We all have to stop covering for these people. People need to be held accountable. It’s so handy for these men the narrative that ‘don’t do it for revenge’ ‘it lowers you’ ‘just walk away that’s between him and his wife’ ‘take the high road’….. do you know who created those narratives that so many on here follow? The men did.

fthisfthatfeverything · 02/07/2025 05:55

I’m a wife!
i would like to know