Do I tell his wife or just leave it and block him?

[ihtgotfp]

Been chatting to and having fun with someone I met online, We have met up a few times too. He told me he was single, I would never have done what we did had I known he was married, No wedding ring and I had been to his house twice. Few overnight hotel stays, the odd night out having a few drinks, a few meals out together, We had sex a few times too etc

I could send his wife all the proof she would ever need including face pictures, his mobile number, his email address, pictures of his penis, Pics with his tattoo in them, I could screenshot conversations of him saying he's single and looking to find someone for fun and to get to know leading to something serious.

I have found her online and now have no idea if I should send her a message or just block him and walk away. I only found out he was married an hour ago and have no intention of seeing him or speaking to him again. What should I do?

Thanks.

Get an STD test. Tell him that he lied and you know he’s married. Tell him to not contact you again. Block him. Don’t bother contacting his wife. Stay out of the drama.

I would want to know.

Rats are dangerous when cornered and it's something to think about.
Don't put yourself in danger

Online is full of crazies… I would block him and tell his wife everything

I could not be party to the removal of another persons personal agency and right to informed sexual consent. I would never stay quiet and let this nasty man get away with it.

I would tell her.

Penis photos???
OP, just no.
Please don't send his wife photos of his penis, why would you do that, unless you're being vindictive???

I disagree as personal safety is paramount. Some wives will choose not to believe it anyway. But if the Op did go down this path, I’d wait a year before sending an anonymous letter to better protect herself.

You're right boyo deserves his comeuppance but we don't know if he's violent or how he may react towards op if she tells all.

Not only that but it's usually quite obvious when a man lives alone vs with a woman, you can tell when a woman has made the decor choices in a home. If my DP tried this anyone woman who came into my home would find it obvious that I exist 😂

Seeing as he’s using their home to have sex if I was the wife I’d want to know this, that’s the lowest of the low for him to get a kick out of sleeping with you in their own home. For me that’s the reason I’d tell her, just so he never gets the chance to humiliate her again.

Also on another note OP I’m sorry he turned out to be like this, this must be hard on you as you clearly liked him and he’s treated you really badly.

No way did you go to his house and see no signs of a woman living there! Twice!!

Don't get involved, you may have no idea what you are getting yourself into. How do you know its the right person you found online? Leave it, block and move on.

If I was his wife, I’d want
to know. I’d tell her.

Honestly? I would just walk away. You didn't know, your conscience is clear. It's not on you to tell her, to try to stop it happening again etc, you can't save her from him doing it again. She will not thank you, she will accuse you, you will be the enemy, and it will open up a whole new world of shit for you, shit you don't need. I bet you won't be the first one he has done this with.

Could’ve used an Air BnB or a friend’s house maybe? Or have they been living apart for a while and not got divorced yet (but then why not just tell OP that he’s separated?).

OP I’m sorry this has happened to you. Personally I would want to know, I think suggestions of blocking him and explaining to his wife that you really did believe he was single (as per the messages) would be what I would do here. Don’t send any of his nude photos though. I don’t think giving him the chance to come clean would necessarily work; he might turn on you/her or he might come out with a lot of excuses trying to justify his actions. Take a few days to think it through though as everything is very raw atm; this way you can be confident in what you decide x

if you were her, wouldn’t you want to be told?
if you tell her - be sure you give her enough for her to be sure, enough that he can’t lie and wriggle his way out of. He’s clearly an accomplished liar and there’s a good chance she’s been gaslighted and will be in denial. I think you’ll need to block both and never know the outcome, because for sure you’ll be painted as the jilted jealous delusional whore… But still - she deserves to know the truth, whatever she decides to do about it.
And once you’ve done it - take some time for yourself. Knowing you’ve been used and deceived is a big knock, don’t underestimate it or be afraid to get help. What happened doesn’t make you a bad or stupid person, but it does mean your trust will suffer and you might need to sharpen up your red flag detectors. You’re not the first this has happened to, you won’t be the last, just take your time and don’t let it define you.

She possibly has some idea and puts up with it and it’s probably happened many times before. I doubt you were the first and I doubt you will be his last.

Think what you would hope to gain from telling her, take some time about it then decide but definitely do block him asap.

I worked with someone years ago married with two kids, was a lovely sociable guy and he cheated on his wife with at least two people I worked with. One very publicly that his wife and everyone at work knew about and he left his wife for her for a few months.

This was over twenty odd years ago now and I still see them together and they look happy and normal.

Walk away. The desire for revenge can be all consuming but it will impact you too. Let the universe take care of it

If you decide to tell her, do not send the intimate photos as you could get into serious trouble with the police if reported.

I would tell her, I would feel awful not telling her, poor woman.
Nothing at all to do with revenge, just so she can live a true life.

I’ve said to walk away and not get involved. She won’t thank you. She won’t be nice and feel a sisterhood of caring. You might be named locally online as the reason her marriage broke down. Is it worth destroying your reputation? She’s not a friend.

Definitely tell her, I would want to know

I wouldn’t tell him. Gives him chance to get his story straight and make out you’re the crazy one

Tell her, I would want to know.

Yes, I would not be telling anyone's wife,just walk away, their marriage is their business to sort out.