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Original poster

Do I tell his wife or just leave it and block him?

138 replies

ihtgotfp · 01/07/2025 22:15

Been chatting to and having fun with someone I met online, We have met up a few times too. He told me he was single, I would never have done what we did had I known he was married, No wedding ring and I had been to his house twice. Few overnight hotel stays, the odd night out having a few drinks, a few meals out together, We had sex a few times too etc

I could send his wife all the proof she would ever need including face pictures, his mobile number, his email address, pictures of his penis, Pics with his tattoo in them, I could screenshot conversations of him saying he's single and looking to find someone for fun and to get to know leading to something serious.

I have found her online and now have no idea if I should send her a message or just block him and walk away. I only found out he was married an hour ago and have no intention of seeing him or speaking to him again. What should I do?

Thanks.

OP posts:
Mintyt · 02/07/2025 08:11

I would want to know, and I was told I was at work and everything she said I wrote down. Thanked her from the bottom of my heart and she said a lot more. Met up with him that night - he sat here with a pint and a wine for me. I picked up the wine had a drink and said to him who’s Julie

arcticpandas · 02/07/2025 08:12

Do tell! I would want to know if I lived with a vile creature like that so that I could kick him out.

RunningJo · 02/07/2025 08:16

You have choices and I wouldn’t make any until you’ve got over the initial shock of him being a lying scumbag.

1/ Tell him you know he’s married, tell him what you think of him and his lying cheating face, then block him. Make him worry you’re going to tell his wife.

2/ Say nothing, just block him and move on.

3/ Tell his wife, kindly and sympathetically. Explain you didn’t know and how you wouldn’t have gone near him if you’d have known. Then block him

Only you know how he may react to being found out, and your safety is important.
As a wife I’d want to know, I wouldn’t want gory details, just proof enough to kick his arse out.

Thecardboardbox · 02/07/2025 08:16

Tell her.

A friend found out her H was cheating when someone who knows her saw him on a dating site.

Devastating but she said she would rather know.

whynotmereally · 02/07/2025 08:18

I’d anonymously message and say you were dating and give her the basic facts such as dating site he’s on. No pictures etc Then block her immediately after. What she does with the information is upto her.

HunnyPot · 02/07/2025 08:59

You’ve already done enough to destroy this marriage. Sending screenshots to his poor wife is a step too far. Move on and get on with your life.

Zempy · 02/07/2025 09:00

I would tell her, then block him. She deserves to know.

lunar1 · 02/07/2025 09:02

I would tell her, she may have suspicions while he gaslights her, knowledge with proof might be what she needs to claim her freedom back.

Twinklewonderkins · 02/07/2025 09:07

This happened to a friend of mine , she’d also been to “his” house.
turned out it wasn’t his but a mates who used to let him use it to cheat on his wife.
vile men will do anything and often have vile friends.

rwalker · 02/07/2025 09:10

There’s many a true word in the phrase “ shooting the messenger “

smileymylie25 · 02/07/2025 09:25

If I was the wife I would want to know. She could be at home thinking everything is fine. I’ve been in this situation and I’m glad I got told.

edited to add that she will be hurt and humiliated so you might get the brunt of it at first.

Burntt · 02/07/2025 09:32

I would want to know

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 02/07/2025 09:39

@ihtgotfp think I would actually print things off and type your letter and post it with a stamp, so it is totally unconnected to your email. send the proof!

xWildFlowerx · 02/07/2025 09:41

I would 100% tell her - I think most people would want to know if their husband was doing this.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/07/2025 09:58

Pics of penis

can I ask how how you are @ihtgotfp

and did you send anything in return

I hope not as likely his mates have seen you naked

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 02/07/2025 09:58

People who say they would want to know -I would have thought this too but it is incredibly painful to hear -I was told the OW husband. He emailed me -a very kind email. He said he had proof but kindly didn’t attach anything because I wouldn’t have wanted to be presented with any proof -I believed him, but I didn’t reply to him.
In your case I really wouldn’t say anything to her/ just finish everything with him -if you know for sure he is married then just tell him it is over but not why. Don’t teach him how to lie better to the next woman.
I had something similar with a man locally who everyone thinks is single (London suburb -wouldn’t get away with it in a village!) when I found out I just ended it with him. (His is weird because he and his wife live together but they socialise in entirely different circles People who would think they are his friends don’t know he is married.) I think she tolerates that lifestyle-no way can she not know when is out overnight/parties/NewYears Eve etc.
I asked him if his wife knew he had girlfriends and he said she knows he has ‘friends’ In asked him if she knew about me and he said ‘’She prefers not to know’ and I think that’s true.)

Winter2020 · 02/07/2025 09:59

I think tell her. She could waste her whole life with a man that she might have chose to leave had she know the truth. No need for intimate photos though.

Winter2020 · 02/07/2025 10:02

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 02/07/2025 09:58

People who say they would want to know -I would have thought this too but it is incredibly painful to hear -I was told the OW husband. He emailed me -a very kind email. He said he had proof but kindly didn’t attach anything because I wouldn’t have wanted to be presented with any proof -I believed him, but I didn’t reply to him.
In your case I really wouldn’t say anything to her/ just finish everything with him -if you know for sure he is married then just tell him it is over but not why. Don’t teach him how to lie better to the next woman.
I had something similar with a man locally who everyone thinks is single (London suburb -wouldn’t get away with it in a village!) when I found out I just ended it with him. (His is weird because he and his wife live together but they socialise in entirely different circles People who would think they are his friends don’t know he is married.) I think she tolerates that lifestyle-no way can she not know when is out overnight/parties/NewYears Eve etc.
I asked him if his wife knew he had girlfriends and he said she knows he has ‘friends’ In asked him if she knew about me and he said ‘’She prefers not to know’ and I think that’s true.)

Edited

So did you leave your husband when told or forgive him?
Would you really rather be living in ignorance believing you had a faithful partner?

Globules · 02/07/2025 10:04

I'm also in the tell her camp.

I was cheated on.

She knew he was married. She was married too.

I told her on FB that she had 2 days to tell her husband she'd been cheating, as I'd be sending him all the proof after that.

Abouttobescrewedover · 02/07/2025 10:08

Tell her, I would want to know

MrsGuyOfGisbo · 02/07/2025 10:10

Winter2020 · 02/07/2025 10:02

So did you leave your husband when told or forgive him?
Would you really rather be living in ignorance believing you had a faithful partner?

Show quote history

Actually -you have made me reflect on this and I have changed my mind. Because e we worked it out that time - he was genuinely remorseful -it had been short lived and casual and we then had the best years of our marriage for the next six years. (I never let on to her or anyone that I knew in RL - I had massive support in MN by really lovely posters). But he had a second affair so so I ended it then.
I didn’t insist on STI tests for me out him -I bloody would if cheated on now.
So… possibly tell her, but no details unless she asks. And NO intimate pictures.

forthistimeonly · 02/07/2025 10:39

Tell her, but don't send penis pics as you could get in trouble. I would want to know. It's him blowing up his family, not you.

onehorserace · 02/07/2025 10:47

No one seems to think about the backlash that could come to you as a result. He could turn nasty and his wife family and friends could target you too. It's really not worth it.

Original poster
ihtgotfp · 02/07/2025 10:48

sorry i couldn't get back on before now i went to work not long after posting. I decided to message her just saying I have information about her husband and if she wanted to see what he gets up to online and offline then I can send her the proof if she wanted it, I explained I wasn't doing this to hurt her but wanted her to be aware, she read it but hasn't replied yet. I will leave her lone now, If she messages me back I will take it from there.

OP posts:
Original poster
ihtgotfp · 02/07/2025 10:53

CKN · 01/07/2025 23:03

Sounds like you want to tell her for revenge rather than concern which personally is quite a spiteful thing to do.

Block him, put it down to experience and move on

not sure how you got to that tbh.. I already said I would block him and never talk to him again, I want nothing more to do with him now that I know, I'm far from spiteful just trying to navigate sleeping with a married man when I had no idea he was married, I would be spiteful if I carried on behind her back and then rubbed it in her face afterwards!

OP posts: