Do I tell his wife or just leave it and block him?

[ihtgotfp]

Been chatting to and having fun with someone I met online, We have met up a few times too. He told me he was single, I would never have done what we did had I known he was married, No wedding ring and I had been to his house twice. Few overnight hotel stays, the odd night out having a few drinks, a few meals out together, We had sex a few times too etc

I could send his wife all the proof she would ever need including face pictures, his mobile number, his email address, pictures of his penis, Pics with his tattoo in them, I could screenshot conversations of him saying he's single and looking to find someone for fun and to get to know leading to something serious.

I have found her online and now have no idea if I should send her a message or just block him and walk away. I only found out he was married an hour ago and have no intention of seeing him or speaking to him again. What should I do?

Thanks.

So are you going to address the questions about how on Earth you went to their house twice and thought he was single op?

Not one photo anywhere? A pair of her flipflops in the hall? A second toothbrush?

I smell BS.

Are you sure they aren't separated?

I agree with this. If it was my husband, I’d want to know so I could leave him and not waste any more time with him. That poor woman.

I'm curious, all the people who said don't tell her, would you not want to know if it was your husband?
I would hate to think someone knows something that would be so important to my life and just didn't tell me, I would feel betrayed by that person as well as my husband.

I go by the philosophy that bad people who do bad things should be exposed and feel the consequences, not have people knowingly covering for them so they can smugly go on with their lives with their secrets and lies.

I would tell her, because the bastard will likely carry on doing it to her and she’s wasting her life on him.

But it’s puzzling that there was no evidence of a woman living in his house when you visited. I would have thought even if he threw all of her stuff into the attic, there would be some sign of a woman’s touch in the house 🤔

Tell the wife, she will hate you.
But do tell her.

Before you tell her check your social media & online presence & lock it down. Even though you have done nothing wrong she could make things awkward for you.

If they are separated, he should have told Op, because that might have affected her decision to start/continue with him. Many people steer away from not-yet divorced people because they are unlikely to have worked through the end of the marriage emotionally.

Him withholding that information would be super shitty, almost on par wirh him cheating on an unsuspecting wife with an unsuspecting OW.

Actually thinking of it , as he is a liar are you sure you were at his house? He could have hired an Airbnb or something.

How did you go to his house and not know a woman lives there?

Also, I would tell her. cheaters need to be brought to account.

i told when it happened to me, we had been seeing each other 10 months and it turned out he was engaged and they had been together over 10 years
he fed her a load of bullshit and she stayed
a year later she messaged me asking something, I said “WTF?!, no that’s not how it was”

i sent her all the WhatsApp etc and he had been lying to her, pretending to be me on social media, said I had raped him and a whole load more. She ditched him and apologised, said she thought I was a psycho but really it was all him

Tell her!

I was emailed by the OW (not because she was doing the right thing, but because he told her I would leave if I ever found out, so she was trying to fast track our break up)

I'm so glad she did, I just wish she had done it sooner.

This is always 50/50 on here. Half the people just have a mind your own business/don't get involved/you must be doing it for revenge attitude. I don't get it personally, but it's so prevalent that not getting involved is a strong motivator for a lot of people. I'm with you - sometimes bad people get away with shit like this because otherwise decent people let them, rather than putting their head above the parapet. It also seems infantalising somehow to decide not to give her the information she needs to make decisions about her own life, and sexual health, instead deciding for her that she's better off not knowing or that she needs protecting from the truth.

I would absolutely tell her, no idea why people say just walk away- maybe too non confrontational. I’d have a chat with her, maybe send her a message and ask when she’s free to call so it’s more personal. Tell her he told you he was single, he has lied to both of you and you thought she should know. Proof can be sent if she wants it.

I would do this with lots of empathy and then move on guilt free.

Block him and tell her

I think it's a difficult one TBH. People say tell her and I d want to know.Truth is you dont know how you would feel.If they have DC, then there are innocent children involved .How did you find out? Are you sure it's true or could they be estranged? I would speak to him ,hear what he has to say, and then block him if he is defo married .I would personally not get involved with telling the wife.

If I were his wofe I would have liked to know. Send her anonymous letter/messages that don’t give away your identity though. She has to find out. Her world will probably fall apart but it’s better to know now rather than wasting her time any longer.

That’s the problem. That there are innocent kids and this man is probably a serial liar cheater who shouldn’t be near his kids. Let alone the diseases and STIs he might be carrying home.

Yes one guy I met took me back to "his house" for a drink and tried it on. To all intents and purposes it was a single guy's house, that's what it looked like. It turned out he was married and the house belonged to his friend from work.

Wow - just wow 😮. Donthese people exist for real? Shame on them. Monsters

Think you’ve done exactly the right thing. You’ve told her and it’s fine to her now what to do with that information.

Sorry this has happened - far too many lying cheats out there.

I’d want to know if I were her - but don’t tell her, then block her. Imagine someone dropping that bombshell on you and you can’t respond or ask a question.

So long as it won’t affect your life/career etc. I’d consider letting her know - but give it a few days to process it all.

Parky04 Thats one of the worst things I ever heard! What a complete bastard .

Yes @Parky04 did she press charges? I would have.

christl78 You are right,he shouldnt be near either his kids or poor wife. However even prisoners are allowed to see their families .I worry though that often the messenger gets shot. Parky04 says she knows someone who was beaten badly by their Affair partner, for telling his wife the truth! I also worry about children who are older and maybe on Social Media .They could also be at risk .Many wives may suspect something anyway,but prefer not to take action because of having to go it alone or give up a comfortable lifestyle .

I would tell her, with evidence and then block - she can do whatever with that info then -