How would you feel if your husband came out as Bi after 20 years together?

[MarriedMaleBicurious]

Hi,

I have got a question for you all, I am together with my wife for 20 years, have kids.

I have bicurious urges and unsure how to deal with it.

I love my wife and don't want to hurt her feelings, we have great sexual life. But not sure what to do as when I checked out bisexual forums they said the best to be honest with my wife.

My question is not around what I would like to achieve by coming out, I am quite prepared that we agree it's a side of me which will need to stay unexplored.

My main concern is I will hurt her feelings, and she may think I did not love her with my whole heart and that she is not enough for me.

So please tell me if you and your husband is in a loving relationship, and you are absolutely not open to anything else involving your husband bicuriousity and he says to you, that's fine with him he just wanted to talk about it. How would you feel after the conservation? Would you be able to go with your life as before? Would you be able to 'forget' he asked. Would not hurt you he did not tell you in the past 20 years? Would not hurt that there is a desire you cannot help with? Would you able to trust him not acting on it secretly?

I just don't know it worth mentioning. Yes, I am curious (I am not attracted to men but would be interested experimenting some aspects with a man). To put it into perspective (forget about I am bicurious for this example) imagine if I were telling my wife I would love to try anal with her which she is not willing to agree. So that's ok as a couple we have to make compromises. And I think in a few weeks later she would not think of it again. So it was worth asking, nothing happens if not, but great if she is open to it.

I just worried that with bisexuality it may change my relationship which case it would not be worth asking in the first place. But at the other hand I have got this fantasies and I am reading everywhere you have to be honest with your partner.

Thanks for reading it and hope you are up to bit of role play and tell how you would feel about it if your husband were coming out to you.

Many people have fantasies that stay just as that. It's a bit OTT to suggest fantasy = not committed.

I would assume you have had an affair with a man and were therefore confessing. I think tell her but be explicitly clear if you’ve ever cheated or if you’re using gay porn.

It’s right to tell her, for you and for her but if it were me, the marriage would be over without question. (If you need to tell her after twenty years I’d assume she’s still not enough for you and you want to explore)

I wouldn’t trust mine not to act on it.

I think the question of orientation is irrelevant. Do you want to fuck other people or don’t you.

there are plenty of happily monogamous bisexual people, some research indicates most people are somewhere in the middle of the Kinsey scale.

some women can be weird about having a bisexual male partner and wouldn’t knowingly date a bisexual man.

He's been v clear he's all about the cock sucking not the anal, keep up!

@MarriedMaleBicurious The desire is not going to go away is it? You will always fantasise about having your mouth around some bloke's willy. You have already been mentally unfaithful to your poor wife by thinking about, researching and asking for 'permission' from random internet strangers to do what you want. It's all about your own gratification. Shame for your wife that her 20 years of life with you has been based on deception. Shame you're not a dog: they can lick their own all the time. 🙄 Do what you want, be who you want, but be prepared for the hurt and the fallout and consequences of your actions.

You would be throwing a live grenade at your marriage.

I think you really need to think hard about what your priorities really are.

Make the wrong choice and there’s no going back.

Hi all, this is my final message here.

Thanks again for everyone.
I don't really know what I was thinking. Deep down I knew it is the right thing to continue to keep it to myself. Don't want to hurt and lose my wife. Part of me though I feel very said. I suppose I was looking for some validation here. Which I found on the bi forum the day before that I am not alone. There were couples where it works to know each other's desires whether they act on it or not. First I thought my relationship is strong for it, we can be honest about it and see what works for us. But I had to be honest with myself, that my wife probably would say what some of you were saying and I would not have answers for the whys. Not saying that I must live up all my fantasies. Not saying my desires are more important than her feelings. I am just sad that I have to keep this secret to myself.

But reading your comments I had to realize as well that there is nothing or not much to gain from it while risking a lot, most likely losing my wife and leave her devastated and doubting me for the past 20 years. It's not right to hurt her feelings, it is not worth risking our marriage.

I can keep my oral fantasy for a fantasy and knowing I did the right thing to keep it a secret from my wife.

I woke up this morning by posting this as preparation how to open up and will now go to sleep burying deep inside. Thanks for everyone here helping through this journey, to realize things I should have known better and for saving my marriage.

PS MissAndrey - I see I failed to deceive you, all I was waiting for your anal comment, thanks I saved a screenshot of it for my collection to wank on it when I have got no wifi.

I thought I was in a heterosexual relationship,but found out for the last 10 years he has been indulging in man on man sex! He doesn't know I know,but it's heartbreaking that he couldn't tell me and I could decide what I want rather than him deciding I have to have a sexless life and him enjoy his jollies!! I wish I was told years ago when I could have decided rather than years of my life been taken away,for which I am angry.

If my husband asked if he could have sex with other people I wouldn't agree or forgot it. I might just leave.

It isnt about whether its a man or a woman, you picked your wife. You say shes enough. But youre going to tip your purse and hope she says its ok to have sex with other people.

And youre lying to us, possibly yourself. You arent saying you have an interest in anal or pegging, you want sex with a man. That's very much bisexual.

Yes. It's self absorbed to tell your partner you are bi but you won't act on it.

If you won't act on it then why tell them and create doubt? Because you are thinking only about yourself.