My husband commented on my weight during an argument

[SS24]

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm being extra but just wanted thoughts on this. My husband has anger issues & I've told him get help for this but he refuses to so whenever we argue he says the most hurtful things from calling me a "whore" (which him not as I've only been wit him) to "a waste of a wife" to "he could have married better & I should divorce him" - these hurt but today he commented on my weight & said "well I'm sick of your PCOS drama, go lose some weight and be a size 8 then I'll respect you".
I am not fat. I have gone up a dress size since being married, I'm on a waiting list to see a gynaecologist but I've been told it's impossible to lose weight right now as my bloods are showing I'm fighting inflammation. My GP said once these return to normal I can work on losing weight if I want to.
I work full time, pay bills, manage the house, cook clean, book holidays & plan everything but he still says I'm useless & I should fix myself.
I am so hurt by what he said. He afterwards & said "right can we call it a truce now?" - I responded saying I didn't want to talk to him as he went to far. He's come again saying "so we're not going past this then? You're ruining our marriage".
I still don't want to talk to him & just feel so hurt. I can forgive him for all the other comments he's said but this time I can't let this one drop. He knows how unwell & exhausted I've been with my health.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Your husband is abusive. I'm so sorry.

My advice is to leave him. He treats you appallingly and in his own words, has no respect for you. He has anger issues and verbally abuses you. One day, will he physically hurt you? Probably. Get out while you can.

He’s the one ruining your marriage!!!! Why are you putting up with this.

It sounds like he's proposed you a path away from his horrible company, think about taking it?

Don’t forgive him for any of it. He’s a nasty bully and you need to get away from him.

I've said this to him & he says I'm the bad 1.

What an unbearable cunt he is.

"My husband has anger issues"

No he doesn't up, he's straight up abusive.

Everything you've just written would meet the remit for women's aid. He's refusing therapy because he intends to keep doing what he's been doing and it will likely get worse. This is not OK, you deserve better, none of this is your fault and you should prioritise your emotional and physical safety and leave.

Have you told anyone in real life that he acts this way towards you? Telling people you trust is an important first step so they can support you to leave.

OP, I’m so sorry. It doesn’t sound like this man likes you at all. It’s a dangerous place to be in when you’re a woman - living with a man who’s with you out of convenience or habit but has deep seated resentment against you.

Be very careful with this man, and maybe look into therapy to examine why you’ve tolerated his verbal abuse and what you can do moving forward.

Also wondering have you ever called him any names? I’m going to guess that you haven’t because he wouldn’t tolerate the treatment he gives to you.

He says I have to leave him so he can tell everyone I left & how pathetic I was. I've told him to leave but he won't.

This is gaslighting and further emotional abuse. You are not in the wrong here. Maybe look up the cycle of violence diagram, it sounds like it will resonate with what you're experiencing. Womens aid will support you until you're ready to leave and won't judge you.

No one knows, I've reached on here today after years as its become too much. Everyone thinks he treats me the best, I don't say anything. Most days are good, but if I'm upset about something, he no longer wants to converse & just explodes into these type of arguments.

His behaviour is worse than anger issues- It’s full-on gaslighting and abuse.

Your weight is irrelevant. He was purposely abusive to you. I wonder how he would feel if you said something to humiliate him?

I've mentioned therapy & he laughs when I say I'm going to arrange something for myself.

I am not perfect myself, if he does something I don't like I will confront him & that's when we have these arguments. As soon as he starts swearing at me I do say things back, but I've never mentioned about finding another man. Every argument he will mention finding a better woman, I've told him not to say this to me but he does then says sorry after saying he doesn't mean it. I'm at the point now where he speaks a load of crap & this will just happen everytime I speak up about something.

I don't know if he would, he's never laid a finger on me. I just want him to hear me when I say what's on my mind but it's always a fireball response.

He's told me to leave so he can tell the world how pathetic I am - his words. I'm just exhausted from it all.

I've told him that & he says it's all my fault, if I didn't speak then there would be no arguments.

Who cares if you leave and he bad mouths you. It doesn’t matter. Anyone who believes him is as bad as he is, so their opinion doesn’t matter. Would you rather stay in a miserable abusive marriage just to save face?

My advice is to leave. Who cares what he tells people? He's abusing you and it only gets worse. Stop engaging with him and call his bluff.

Get help from Women's Aid to heal from the trauma he's inflicting on you and then go live a good, happy life without this POS in it.

op I’m sorry you’re going through this. You’re speaking like he holds all the cards here and you can’t do anything because he won’t admit to abusing you. He’s not going to do that. You need to accept you’re being abused and work off your own back to make a plan to leave him. He’s not going to admit all this and walk out the door. Can you speak to women’s aid? You need help with this. You’re being a doormat…I mean this with kindness but no fluffy bullshit. You need to open your eyes to what this is and act on it.

I never understand when people say stuff like this. Do you think your abuser is going to say ‘you’re right, I’m an abusive arsehole and I treat you terribly?’

@SS24 he can tell people anything he wants. It doesn’t make any of it true. He’s just trying to control you and reel you back in. It doesn’t matter who leaves - you can divorce him. You deserve better.

So what? He can tell people what he likes. So can you. Leave this pathetic arsewipe of a man. You have agency.

I agree with you, I don't care what people think of me here. I'm so far from home, no family nearby so what anyone thinks here is irrelevant. My marriage won't end unless I sort everything literally, that's the most draining part. I told him to pack a bag & leave but all he's done is sit upstairs. I just can't look at him after that weight comment. I feel like a mug doing everything & paying bills while all he does is work then sit watching TV all day, I should never have agreed to pay for anything.