My husband commented on my weight during an argument

[SS24]

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm being extra but just wanted thoughts on this. My husband has anger issues & I've told him get help for this but he refuses to so whenever we argue he says the most hurtful things from calling me a "whore" (which him not as I've only been wit him) to "a waste of a wife" to "he could have married better & I should divorce him" - these hurt but today he commented on my weight & said "well I'm sick of your PCOS drama, go lose some weight and be a size 8 then I'll respect you".
I am not fat. I have gone up a dress size since being married, I'm on a waiting list to see a gynaecologist but I've been told it's impossible to lose weight right now as my bloods are showing I'm fighting inflammation. My GP said once these return to normal I can work on losing weight if I want to.
I work full time, pay bills, manage the house, cook clean, book holidays & plan everything but he still says I'm useless & I should fix myself.
I am so hurt by what he said. He afterwards & said "right can we call it a truce now?" - I responded saying I didn't want to talk to him as he went to far. He's come again saying "so we're not going past this then? You're ruining our marriage".
I still don't want to talk to him & just feel so hurt. I can forgive him for all the other comments he's said but this time I can't let this one drop. He knows how unwell & exhausted I've been with my health.

Any advice would be appreciated.

It's usually once a month otherwise he's lovely & caring, I wouldn't have married him if he didn't have that side. It's just a cycle of anger now, we argue & there's a super explosion of hurtful things being aaid. He apologies & I forgive him. When 'm wrong I will admit it & apologise too but every argument for the past months he keeps saying he wants a new wife & he should have married a woman who sits at home quiet cooking & nothing more. He says me talking about problems triggers him off & I should just stay quiet, if I'm sad or upset then there's nothing he can do. I only ask for him to listen but apparently even that's too much. I genuinely thought things would change after the apologies.

I said this today, I've never had these arguments with anyone when expressing what's on my mind, it's only with him.

Glad you're making plans. Wishing you the best, hope you find peace!

Life is too short for this. Make a plan and get away from him. End it.

Peace is the word. My DH did not grow up in a stable home.
I just want peace for me & DS. DH can’t provide this, sadly…

I was going to comment what I would have said back to him but I would probably get reported and banned.

You have no ties to this man, OP. If I were you I'd take a week off work without telling him and go to my family and tell them everything.

Then just leave.

Let him tell them and he’ll find out what they think.

Leave him, leave him, leave him.

Your posts seem to be wondering what you've done wrong. See, he's got you doubting yourself.

Please do not have kids with this man and be tied to life to him

divorce him

He is most definitely abusive and this diagram will give you a better understanding of the ways he is abusing you. The cycle of abuse is also relevant as you’ll experience a period of calm, tensions will build, they’ll be an explosion and then a reconciliation. Given this, and given that domestic abuse escalates over time, you’re going to keep going round and round this cycle and things will continue to get worse and worse. The earlier you can extract yourself the better, but you need to be mindful that the risk escalates when you leave an abuser as they don’t cope well with losing control. You can make a plan with a local domestic abuse charity, for instance you might arrange to move out while he’s out, and I’d tell all your friends and family you’re leaving so they can keep an eye on your safety and provide emotional support.

Yes don’t have kids.

You both sound young. Perhaps he’ll grow up a bit but at the moment his relationship skills are extremely poor.

"he could have married better & I should divorce him"

i would 100% take him up on his kind offer.

He's an abuser. You deserve better.

Leave the prick

Do you want to spend your one and only life like this? Just leave
I live alone with a cat and it’s great

He’s abusive OP, no one should live like this.

I would quietly see a solicitor next week and set the wheels in motion to leave him.

Don’t tell him till you are ready to go.

He’s only going to get worse, so don’t wait any longer.

He doesn't have anger issues. He's an abusive prick.

Thank God you don't have kids with him. Please leave. And STOP trying to explain/justify your feelings in the meantime. It doesn't work, they will never understand logic, just stop. Look up grey rocking, take some time off work and go and find your OWN peaceful home. It'll be a revelation.

And please, then get some counselling for YOURSELF (NOT with him and don't bother mentioning it to him, it's not advisable at all for abusive relationships) to make sure you're not vulnerable to this type of shit in future.

I stayed in an emotionally abusive marriage for years because kids, house, business, history, he can often be so lovely. Etc etc. Don't be me. Get the fuck out NOW before you waste any more of your precious life. Xx

That's a good idea, I'm thinking of doing it next week if I can.

As he says it's all my fault & how he reacts is because of me, so it just makes me overthink about everything.

He's not got anger issues, he's just an abusive prick. I think he is in full control of himself when he says these things to put you down.

Well done - I often think women opening up here are taking the very first steps in starting to think and speak and act in their own best interests.

No mortgage, no children and I think you both work? This sounds ideal for you to start making plans for a clean break.

He'll tell people you were the bad one?

Let him. So what. You know better. He's holding that as a manufactured fear over your head.

Start looking at your rights - a free consultation with a local solicitor will orientate you and start you getting sorted.

And be very careful. Realising he's going to lose control over you could be an issue for him, so be discreet and quiet until you have planned some positive action.

Try this quiz when it's safe to:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/am-i-experiencing-domestic-abuse/

Thank you for this, I've not seen that before & the fact I can relate so much to it is making me emotional. I've been so silly thinking it would get better. I will look to get a plan in place.

With no children and a rented home, ending this relationship should be quite easy.
If he won't leave, then ideally you'd remove yourself from the tenancy, but that depends on your contract and on the landlord. What sort of tenancy agreement are you on? Is it a rolling contract ( which would mean you could give notice now) or a yearly tenancy?If it's going to be an issue, speak to Shelter to get proper advice. If by any chance the tenancy is only in his name, then you can just move out.
He's abusive and disrespectful, I don't see how you ignore the horrible things he's said.

Abusive men abuse. This is who he is and will continue to be, OP.

I'm in my late 20s & he's 35, I thought he would have grown up by now. Its a shame, he is so well mannered with everyone else & at home he's completely different.

Thank you for your advice. I've felt so alone all this time & plucked the courage to post here today & I'm glad I did. I will work to get a plan in place & yes definitely I'll look into counselling. God bless x