My husband commented on my weight during an argument

[SS24]

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm being extra but just wanted thoughts on this. My husband has anger issues & I've told him get help for this but he refuses to so whenever we argue he says the most hurtful things from calling me a "whore" (which him not as I've only been wit him) to "a waste of a wife" to "he could have married better & I should divorce him" - these hurt but today he commented on my weight & said "well I'm sick of your PCOS drama, go lose some weight and be a size 8 then I'll respect you".
I am not fat. I have gone up a dress size since being married, I'm on a waiting list to see a gynaecologist but I've been told it's impossible to lose weight right now as my bloods are showing I'm fighting inflammation. My GP said once these return to normal I can work on losing weight if I want to.
I work full time, pay bills, manage the house, cook clean, book holidays & plan everything but he still says I'm useless & I should fix myself.
I am so hurt by what he said. He afterwards & said "right can we call it a truce now?" - I responded saying I didn't want to talk to him as he went to far. He's come again saying "so we're not going past this then? You're ruining our marriage".
I still don't want to talk to him & just feel so hurt. I can forgive him for all the other comments he's said but this time I can't let this one drop. He knows how unwell & exhausted I've been with my health.

Any advice would be appreciated.

You're so young, OP.

I'm glad you're starting to see the light because this man will rob you of your best years and he's so not worth it.

Don't blame yourself for past decisions. He sounds very manipulative and I'm sure he's spent a lot of time convincing you you're in the wrong/the problem.

What matters is what you do now.

I really hope that is reclaiming your life and finding a partner who will treat you well.

Dont worry, the other 80+ responders on this thread managed to figure it out and offer her some good advice. You can go back to sleep.

You are young. Leave this abuser and move on. You’ll meet someone else and have a beautiful family, please don’t bring kids into this toxic situation. He is clearly in need of therapy and you are not the one to help him.

@SS24 is there any way you could afford your half of the rent until the end of tenancy, if you stay with family for example? Then you can just get the hell out.

I can afford my costs, I've been doing it long enough. I can only stay with family a few days a week then I'd have to come back here for my office days. My family are 4hrs away so it can't be a long term thing unless I changed jobs, which right now isn't possible.

It's really sad hearing it in person. I've not had any of my family or friends ever tell me to lose weight. I'm not fat, I went from a 8-10 to now 12-14. He said he's sorry but it's just a word now, sorry means nothing anymore. All responses are telling me to leave & that appears to be the best option.

It really is hard especially when they are nice again. Sad to hear you went through it for that many years. I hope things are better for you now. I definitely need counselling, the mental exhaustion is awful. I will look into the book, thank you for the details.

It's not rude, it's abuse. I hope you see that @SS24

I hope you’ve started to see him for what he is op, and that you’re much much much much better off without him.

OP, I am so sorry you have been living in these conditions. As other posters said this is text book, 100% domestic abuse. And for many people it is hard to break the cycle for a variety of reasons.
I felt compelt to say this as you mentioned health problems and inflammation. Be under no doubt that years living in abusive conditions WILL make you ill. All the stress, your system being in constant alert and flooded with stress hormones can cause inflammation and a whole list of health issues and when you live with chronic stress weight management is very much impaired.
Sadly many drs do not recognise this.
Please take care if yourself, seek support and leave. It doesn't matter what people think, nobody. else lives or better said doesn't live your life. Be safe and look after your health

The way he blames you for his behaviour means he definitely won't change. He has ZERO insight into his emotions, triggers and issues. He doesn't want to do the work on himself and just needs someone there to dump on and blame for everything. If you stay with him, you'll have to accept this is how he will act forever.

My ex was like this. I think he knew he was inadequate and he enjoyed upsetting me, making out everything was my fault.

When I was pregnant he called me fat, when I had the baby he called me a "skinny bitch", nothing I did or said was right. It was the last refuge of the desperate.

When he left and then wanted to come back I was then selfish for not wanting him. He left me in pieces.

But now I'm the one with a close relationship with my DS, my own home, career and car. He is old, broke and broken and was back living with his DM.

You can move on and you need to. You've got a wonderful life ahead of you!

He is abusive. This is abuse.
Please get rid. ❤️
If you want children they can’t be with this loser. Please get out asap, he won’t change and will get worse.

How are you, OP? It's been a while.

youre Only in your twenties op. And being horribly abused, I don’t know if you want children but can you imagine babies being subjected to this, or seeing their mother abused and broken down. It’s apparent how low you’ve fallen as you only took issue with being called fat, everything else, calling you a whore, pathetic, the horrible horrible abuse you just accepted, which is the saddest thing, I hope you have left him, or are about to. X

How are you doing now OP

So your husband has anger issues, I assume he goes off at people at work and his family and people in the supermarket who annoy him? No he doesn't do that? Then he does not have anger issues he is abusive and to you only.
I assume he's not thick as pig shit with no brain whatsoever in which case he knows exactly what he's doing to you when he says and does these things.
When you leave be prepared for him to tell you that he'll change. Once you are back he will go back

It's up to you what you want your life to look like. Do you want children? Then that man will be their father if you stay.

Also, if you do have children with him it will get worse not better. Much worse. Your life is in your hands, it can be anything you want it to be and it does not have to be this. It will be hard but staying will be hard. So choose your hard.