My husband commented on my weight during an argument

[SS24]

Hi, I'm not sure if I'm being extra but just wanted thoughts on this. My husband has anger issues & I've told him get help for this but he refuses to so whenever we argue he says the most hurtful things from calling me a "whore" (which him not as I've only been wit him) to "a waste of a wife" to "he could have married better & I should divorce him" - these hurt but today he commented on my weight & said "well I'm sick of your PCOS drama, go lose some weight and be a size 8 then I'll respect you".
I am not fat. I have gone up a dress size since being married, I'm on a waiting list to see a gynaecologist but I've been told it's impossible to lose weight right now as my bloods are showing I'm fighting inflammation. My GP said once these return to normal I can work on losing weight if I want to.
I work full time, pay bills, manage the house, cook clean, book holidays & plan everything but he still says I'm useless & I should fix myself.
I am so hurt by what he said. He afterwards & said "right can we call it a truce now?" - I responded saying I didn't want to talk to him as he went to far. He's come again saying "so we're not going past this then? You're ruining our marriage".
I still don't want to talk to him & just feel so hurt. I can forgive him for all the other comments he's said but this time I can't let this one drop. He knows how unwell & exhausted I've been with my health.

Any advice would be appreciated.

“I work full time, pay bills, manage the house, cook clean, book holidays & plan everything but he still says I'm useless & I should fix myself.”

And what does he do? Apart from being an abusive cunt? Love, please wake up. It doesn’t matter what he says about you or what he thinks about you - none of it is true. You’re clearly not useless or fat or pathetic or any of the demeaning words he uses to abuse you.

You deserve so much better than this piece of shit. He has made you feel worthless but he is the waste of oxygen. A good man would pull his weight around the house, a good man would support you through your medical issues, a good man wouldn't say any of those vile things to his wife.

Get out asap.
Doesn't matter what he says about you.
One day he will physically hurt you and then what.
Is it your house or is it rented. Hopefully there are no children involved.
Leave leave leave

Wait…he doesn’t even contribute financially? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

It's weird you say that because he did say that then stated it was me treating him terribly.

OP. Are you waiting for him to say, "oh yes, you are right, I'm out of order, I'm really sorry" - he won't. Ever.

He's abusive. What would your future be if you stayed? You want to have a family with a man who speaks to you this way? Who will speak to your kids this way? For context, I've been with my dh for over 20 years, we've had disagreements and arguments but he's never said anything hurtful in anger. Not once. You need to leave. You deserve better.

Apologies, he does pay bills. What I meant was I shouldn't have agreed to paying half the bills if he wants me to run the house, work full-time, see his family & sort everything else.

It's rented & I sort all the paperwork, bills & liaise with the landlord. No children currently. I think I'm ready to leave & just live alone.

Thank you for saying this. I feel completely drained, I never thought it would be like this. The man I knew was a different man once married. I don't understand why, yes I'm not perfect but I can't tolerate this mental exhaustion anymore.

I will look into that diagram thank you. My mind is saying to leave.

I echo what everyone else has said, leave him. As soon as you can. These are not normal things to be saying, even in the heat of the moment. I’ve been with my other half for 24 years, and have put on weight in that time, he has never once mentioned it during a heated discussion/argument as he loves and respects me. You need to find someone who loves and respects you.

Doormat sounds about right. I think I am ready to leave. I will look into Women's aid, thank you.

You deserve peace OP. Ditch that pathetic excuse of a man.

OP, imagine yourself in a little rental that is just yours. There isn't a trace of him there and it's furnished entirely by you. After your day's work, you get to cook and eat what you want - even if it's a cheese toastie in front of the TV. You exclusively decide what you want to watch. Then you slide into your bed, which just has you in it, with linens that you have chosen for yourself.

Now get those ducks in a row and get that life for yourself. Leave your POS husband far behind and don't give a damn about 'what people think'.

This sounds so peaceful already, no drama! Thank you for the boost! Hopefully I can push myself to do it.

One of the reasons why it's so difficult to leave an abusive relationship is that your mental energy is so drained by trying to navigate all the abuse, the gaslighting and tip toeing around trying not to set them off that it makes it really hard to do anything else. So that's perfectly normal, but it's him creating that. Talking to people you trust who will have your back will help if it's friends/ family/ womens aid because they'll be able to help with that admin and just giving you space to talk through what you want/ need. Do you have a friend you could stay with for a bit to get some space while you sort things out for yourself if he won't leave?

You are the one ruining the marriage…
It’s the same in my house. Shite, isn’t it?

That's so true, it's completely draining. My parents are 4hrs away so I could go & stay with them or my sister in the short term. They have no clue what's going on so I'm finding it difficult to speak out, I've stayed quiet for so long. He says I am the gaslighter & he has to tiptoe around me, I believed it but the responses on here have opened my eyes, I am not going crazy & it isn't my fault, it's taken me so long to admit this. Thank you for your advice, I will reach out to speak to someone for support.

It's awful.. Would you leave?

I'm starting to realise that now.

It's took me a while to realise it. Hopefully I can come out of this.

He wouldn't like it 1 bit!

How often does it happen? Is he ok in between? What does he say triggers him off?

The way I frame it is… Does anyone else do this to me?
Do I have arguments with my child? Mother? Sister? Boss?

No, I don’t. It’s not me! I’m making plans. He doesn’t know.

Literally anything! It’s like having land mines in your house.