Up and till 2016. only one single Bank account active with both salaries going on here - briefly mine went to the old Bank where I worked as they opened an employee account , but when I moved jobs that one was closed and we were both using the same account that we opened together in 2008 after getting married in 2004 - no savings before 2004 I was mid twenties , he was early 30s - maybe he spent well on dates before meeting me I guess. 😂I have always said I made his tightness much worse by being too easy.
Anyway - 2008 to 2015 - money saved in both our names more or less equally, liquidated for down payment partly on apartment in 2015. Apartment mortgage in both our names.
2021 - Mortgage paid off on the two bed apartment in the city, everything that was in his salary account accumulated for years - he paid off the mortgage and we owned the apartment (((( But the interest rate I think on just putting the money into Deposits /ISAs (tax benefits) appear to have been more than the mortgage, so I definitely think we should have been talking more about options , and also getting financial advice not just paying off mortgage early. I don't think my opinion was asked whether I would rather have a few nicer holidays, and luxuries - rather than just the joy of owning our apartment early.
2022 - Everything accumulated in both salary accounts + plenty of the deposits used for deposit on the new 6 bedroom. He has used his money to pay almost 18K additionally on additional Tax Scotland charges for a second house - though the plan was to sell the apartment within the 18 months to get the tax refund, the sale ultimately went through later than 18 months and thus the 18K lost to us , no tax refund - we could have had all the eating out and holidays for years that we wanted on that 18 k - if I didn't laugh I would cry, and this is half my fault for letting him make most of the decisions if not, some without consulting and listening.
2024 - His severance pay came in, almost all of which he has transferred now to my mother for the renovations of her house. He has done a big prepayment on the mortgage of this house as well - everything that came from the sale of apartment early 2024 plus whatever he had in his account at the time (plus took whatever came in my account early 2024 my bonus etc, and prepaid mortgage on this house paying a penalty charge of pre-paying to the bank). So this big house is in both our names and the mortgage did go down by half (to a much less scary amount last year compared to 2023)
2025 - based on the statements up to last year, and few bits of info of this year, I think he has up to 30K almost maybe hoarded in his salary account now just lying there - but I can see transfers of 2k made to my account every 3-4 months.
So yes, half of this is mine - I estimate around 15K at the least - but 25K of the 50K he gave my mum is his - so if we say my forensics missed what he did with at least 10K of the money (and some of the interest on the deposits before those were closed for down payment on the house) - then we are even ? My 50K savings is with my mum and his lies earning nothing in his salary bank account neither save nor earning - until he makes another prepayment on the mortgage in this house ?
I know this is me not being on top of things as much as anything , but surely this is far more complicated and webbed than just the option of separate accounts and a joint account like other normal couples do ? Plus it means we both have an equal say on spending versus savings - and also which type of savings.
We now have no savings actually that is the bottom line - if we took the 50K we gave my mum back and the 35 around he has now in his salary account, and did what he has been doing and just paying back all the mortgage - we would be mortgage free at 50. apart from that , we just have our workplace pensions that our employers are legally mandated to put in place - I have all the statements, his are easier to see as he only ever changed jobs the once - I have changed more often. I am still looking into those.
So basically, it is simple I guess - we own this house that we live in quite soon , and I dont know what he was planning to do after the mortgage is early paid off, which could be a few years away. The point is the control - because if we had separate accounts - we would both be contributing to the prepayment of mortgage and renovations on our parents' house/s. Rather than him feeing its his money because it was his severance pay.
Hope the few people still patiently reading my thread, managed to read the above. I know some ppl might say/think - so he wasnt being that unfair then, but I am still in MAJOR ick, over the bulging rage eyes when he insisted my 70 year old mother pay him rent last week. I begged that I needed to get back to work and I had an important deliverable, before I completely snapped, started crying and stopped talking to him and moved out of what I now call his bedroom.