Partner wants to go to stag do whilst child is really unwell

[StripeyCatLady]

I'm (30 F) currently 5 months pregnant, my partner (35 M) has already been on a stag a few months ago at the height of my morning sickness leaving me to look after our daughter (5) by myself which I was not happy about.

He has another stag to go to in a few days. Our daughter has been in hospital since last week because of a serious throat infection and a high temperature of over 40.5. she was sent home yesterday because her temperature has stabilised but she still has very high infection markers in her blood and we are having to go back to hospital every day for her antibiotic through a cannula in her hand.

I am unable to drive, I failed my test recently so I cannot take her to hospital by myself and the hospital is a 20 minute drive away which will be expensive. I also have PGP which makes moving quickly really difficult and I'm not supposed to do any heavy lifting which I would have to do if my myself.

He has not even considered not going to the stag, I heard him speaking to someone on the phone arranging a lift. I don't want to tell him not to go because I want to see what he would do. Am I being out of order for being so angry about this? I actually feel like if he goes I will change the locks so he will have to move back in with his parents.

Some background - he has not worked for 8 months since he was fired. I have been paying all rent and bills by myself leaving me with no money to do anything. His parents pay for everything such as his phone and car and his petrol and food (he has his dad's credit card). His parents have also funded him going away for stag do's and holidays. Whilst I am too broke to buy myself a sandwich from the shop. He has not applied for any jobs which resulted in me kicking him out for a week and made him live with his mum. He started booking tests for his course and applying for jobs so I let him come back. That was a month ago and still no job.

Kick him back out.

Sorry I forgot to mention the stag is for the whole weekend

You deserve so much better. I’d be kicking him out.

Kick him out for good this time.

Get rid.

Selfish cocklodger you've got - tell him not to bother coming back after the weekend.

If it was just the stag, I might tell him it’s the stag or the relationship before he goes.

with all the other stuff, just kick him out. That he didn’t cancel immediately is disgusting.

You’d be out of your fucking mind to continue a relationship with this pathetic excuse for a partner.

I hope your little one gets better soon. The best gift you can give her long term is not forcing her to witness her mum being in a shit relationship.

Seeing her mum being independent and not tolerating being treated like shit is going to be far more beneficial than watching her dad treat you this way.

I would tell him he needs to step up as a partner and father. Get a job pay towards the house and not stag weekends and if he does go not to bother coming back

Why the hell are you with this moron. He is not a man.

Wow his daughter needs medical attention on that level and you need so much support, and he’s not even considered it. Time to change the locks

He's not just useless, he's a drain on your health and finances and he doesn't pull his weight or contribute in any way. He's going on stags when you're struggling and when your kid just got out of the hospital. Where is this money coming from to go on these dos?

Kick him out for good.

I hope your daughter recovers soon.

Fired 8 months ago, no job hunting, 5 months pregnant and skint while he swans around on his father’s dollar.

Why on earth did you decide a second child was a good idea?

Whats done is done but nobody is going to change him so you need to change the situation. Now.

What and where are your support network?

He is being very unreasonable. Your dd is unwell and has to go for hospital appointments, your pregnant and can’t drive. He really shouldn’t go. Add in your update and I would kick him out.

He’s an actual disgrace, get rid of him. U have enough kids without him being the biggest. You all deserve better. You are doing it all yourself anyways, u don’t need him. Read that again, YOU DONT NEED HIM!

“Oh hey, enjoy the stag. I hope you’ve over packed because don’t bother coming back after.”

What a waste of space he is in every way.

Let him go because he will just cause more stress if you ask him to stay, but seriously get rid of him forever when he gets back.
You can ask to see the community nurses to train you on doing the IV antibiotics at home if it helps.

You deserve better
and your children deserve to be shown a better example

Id be making a list of what needs to change, including the stag do! Usually I’d say it’s a one off yet he’s incapable of getting himself a job but can make arrangements for this weekend away. What an ass.

Do you have anyone you can move in for the weekend, and also someone who will change your locks because your partner is awful. You deserve better.

I don’t know who’s more disgusting, him or his parents who are enabling his dick ways and would rather give money to fund his weekends away than to help out their grandchild and future grandchild (and mother of)

Good God, he's behaving like an immature teenager. He's 35 years old, his parents are subsidising him by buying food, fuel etc and trips away!! WTAF are they thinking????!!! He's a grown adult with a 5 year old daughter, a partner and another baby on the way, not an 18 year old with no responsibilities. Of course he's not going to work, if you're paying the rent/bills and his parents are paying for his expenses! He's a man-child, who is pandered to by his parents. Absolutely he shouldn't be going on the stag weekend, any decent partner and Dad, would be staying at home to look after his family. He's not a good partner, and most definitely not a good Dad. He's putting a stag weekend before you, his daughter and unborn child. Sadly, he's shown you exactly who he is, and how life will be for you going forward. You would actually be better off without him. He's not interested in being an adult, he wants to live the single life without responsibilities, and behave like a teenager. You need to end the relationship for good, and forge a life for yourself and your children.

Kick him out. He will go without a backwards glance anyway. At least you will have the satisfaction of knowing you aren’t being taken for a mug.

Another vote for kick him out.

Bloody hell op. Wtf has happened to men? He’s feckless, immature and selfish as fuck! Sorry for the strong language but I really despair for you.

Let this excuse for a man go to his stag night. Wave him off sweetly. While he is out, call in your family and friends and get all of his stuff packed and boxed and delivered to his parent’s doorstep. Ask one of them to stay behind and help with the hospital runs.

You are perfectly within reason to sound the bell and ask for help when you are pregnant with one child, suffering from PGP, with few financial resources, and another child in hospital. Of all the times you ask for help op, it is NOW! Don’t invest any more of your precious energy in to this pathetic excuse of a husband and father, you are focusing on the wrong thing. Get some outside support. Please! And send him back to his equally pathetic parents where he belongs! They are welcome to him! Find your anger op and pick up the phone and call in some support!

he needs to step up or ship out.

He can’t be a part time Dad.

If your DD was just a bit poorly, or it was for a couple of hours, maybe. But with the situation you’re describing- no way.