Partner wants to go to stag do whilst child is really unwell

[StripeyCatLady]

I'm (30 F) currently 5 months pregnant, my partner (35 M) has already been on a stag a few months ago at the height of my morning sickness leaving me to look after our daughter (5) by myself which I was not happy about.

He has another stag to go to in a few days. Our daughter has been in hospital since last week because of a serious throat infection and a high temperature of over 40.5. she was sent home yesterday because her temperature has stabilised but she still has very high infection markers in her blood and we are having to go back to hospital every day for her antibiotic through a cannula in her hand.

I am unable to drive, I failed my test recently so I cannot take her to hospital by myself and the hospital is a 20 minute drive away which will be expensive. I also have PGP which makes moving quickly really difficult and I'm not supposed to do any heavy lifting which I would have to do if my myself.

He has not even considered not going to the stag, I heard him speaking to someone on the phone arranging a lift. I don't want to tell him not to go because I want to see what he would do. Am I being out of order for being so angry about this? I actually feel like if he goes I will change the locks so he will have to move back in with his parents.

Some background - he has not worked for 8 months since he was fired. I have been paying all rent and bills by myself leaving me with no money to do anything. His parents pay for everything such as his phone and car and his petrol and food (he has his dad's credit card). His parents have also funded him going away for stag do's and holidays. Whilst I am too broke to buy myself a sandwich from the shop. He has not applied for any jobs which resulted in me kicking him out for a week and made him live with his mum. He started booking tests for his course and applying for jobs so I let him come back. That was a month ago and still no job.

What on earth are you doing having kids with this useless waste of space?

He’s a freeloading lazy fucker sitting in his feckless arse being bankrolled by his pregnant partner and mummy and daddy.

Honestly don’t waste any more of your life on this cocklodger. He’s pathetic

1. You tell him not to go, you don’t wait for him to do the right thing, because he won’t.
2. At a time that works best for you, you kick him out anyway because he’s a useless waste of space and you’ll all be better off without out.
3. Get another test booked asap.

Come on OP WTAF? Why on earth have you let this manchild impregnate you again?

Hopefully this will be the day decide you can do better and choose to do better.

Thank you everyone for your comments and advice I'm glad I'm not overreacting and it really is a deadbeat dad thing to do. I've tried breaking up with him multiple times in the past and it's pretty much impossible to get him to leave unless he's already out. So if I leave it up to him to go and he chooses to go I was going to change the locks and drop all his things off at his mums. If she wants to pay for his lifestyle he can live there too. Funnily enough the last time I kicked him out she thought I was bonkers for not letting him back in!

And as for the comment about having another baby with him, I wanted my daughter to have a sibling and the age gap was getting bigger and bigger. He'd been out of work for 2 months when I fell pregnant and ofc he was promising he would find work and do this course to get him a job. He could have booked the test for this course at any time but he waited until I'd had enough and kicked him out before he booked it.

The only reason I let him back was I could see he'd actually booked it and he was applying for jobs. I would rather not break up a family but I understand it's gone on way too long now to think it'll get any better. Adding this situation on top is the nail in the coffin for me. I'll let you know if he actually goes in 2 days.

Frankly, let him go to the stag and don't let him come back!
Worse comes to worse, could you ask a neighbour to drive you to the hospital with your daughter? Could you get a taxi?
Kick him out and start getting help as a solo parent/sole adult living in the house (cheaper council tax, chlld benefits, etc.)

Yes my mum has said she would help me. He's pretty much expecting that she will but he hasn't spoken about the stag at all he's been avoiding the conversation. I only knew he was still going because I could hear him arranging a lift with his mate on the phone today. For all he knows my mum could be away this weekend and not able to help. But luckily my mum will help.

He had always worked before November so it wasn't so much of an issue before but yes he's turned into a hobosexual the last 8 months

As I’ve seen many times on here, the stag isn’t even the problem. You need to move on, he’s useless and you’ll be better off on your own.

Ok, that's reassuring for you. But still incredibly infuriating that he has such little consideration for you and your children, that ihe is so selfish and self absorbed he wouldn't even check if you had people to help you. That's really, really crass! Do you own you home together? Rent? Is he on the tenancy?

Agreed! You'll also be financially better off without having to support his lazy arse. Waste of space! (Sorry, these kinds of situations boil my piss! You're growing a human while taking care of another poorly little one, bringing all the money and I bet doing most of the house chores).

The stag do seems like the perfect time to change the locks.

Oh wow i thought you were going to say she had a stomach bug. What parent goes away when their child is in and out of hospital? See this stag as a golden opportunity to kick him out and start your new life.

Please try and get the PGP treated too, its so miserable and disabling having PGP. Look up the Pelvic Partnership.

He’s an arsehole and so are his enabling parents. They’re rewarding him for being a dickhead father and partner tell them all they can fuck right off.
Hope your dd is better soon op 💐

Why did you think another child deserved such a shit dad? You should have been concentrating on getting a better life for the child you already had. Now 2 kids are going to have a shit dad

Obviously he is responsible for being a shit dad but so unfair to bring another child into this shit show

Some background - he has not worked for 8 months since he was fired. I have been paying all rent and bills by myself leaving me with no money to do anything. His parents pay for everything such as his phone and car and his petrol and food (he has his dad's credit card). His parents have also funded him going away for stag do's and holidays. Whilst I am too broke to buy myself a sandwich from the shop. He has not applied for any jobs which resulted in me kicking him out for a week and made him live with his mum

Jesus fucking Christ. 😱

Let him go, it'll give you time to get his things out the house and the locks changed ready for when he gets back - you cant reason with idiots like this, he's never going to change

Oh and post here again once he's gone and you'll get loads of helpful practical advise going forward. Mumsnet loves nothing more than seeing someone leave their useless partner and rightly so.

Turned into a what?

I agree with everyone else. Wait for him to leave and then pack his stuff and ask a friend to drop it to his mums.

Yep change the locks and email his parents asking why they are funding their shit of a son at the expense of their grandchildren’s health.

No. Just no.

Jesus OP. Get rid. I had a (not even that bad) migraine last weekend and DH wanted to cancel a night away he had planned as he said he'd feel bad leaving me. I'm not pregnant and our DS is nearly 12.

Obviously I made him go but in your situation, the fact he isn't prioritising you and your children is a disgrace.

Edited to add - you say you don't want to break up your family but this isn't a family OP. You're a lone parent with a massive, freeloading cocklodger leeching off you and setting a spectacularly shit example for your kids.

Let this cocklodging loser go to the stag do and throw out his stuff while he's away. Do not let him back!

Completely agree!

I was ready to defend this man going on a stag weekend because I don’t think he’d be doing anything wrong by going. Then you said he’s been out of work for months and got you pregnant in that time, and it became clear that you really should change the locks while he’s away. But when you tell him why it’s over, tell him it’s because he’s a lazy arse who is still funded by his parents when he’s a parent himself and that makes him too unattractive to share a life with. Don’t tell him it’s because he went to his mates stag do, because that is the least of your problems.