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Original poster

Partner wants to go to stag do whilst child is really unwell

126 replies

StripeyCatLady · 25/06/2025 17:25

I'm (30 F) currently 5 months pregnant, my partner (35 M) has already been on a stag a few months ago at the height of my morning sickness leaving me to look after our daughter (5) by myself which I was not happy about.

He has another stag to go to in a few days. Our daughter has been in hospital since last week because of a serious throat infection and a high temperature of over 40.5. she was sent home yesterday because her temperature has stabilised but she still has very high infection markers in her blood and we are having to go back to hospital every day for her antibiotic through a cannula in her hand.

I am unable to drive, I failed my test recently so I cannot take her to hospital by myself and the hospital is a 20 minute drive away which will be expensive. I also have PGP which makes moving quickly really difficult and I'm not supposed to do any heavy lifting which I would have to do if my myself.

He has not even considered not going to the stag, I heard him speaking to someone on the phone arranging a lift. I don't want to tell him not to go because I want to see what he would do. Am I being out of order for being so angry about this? I actually feel like if he goes I will change the locks so he will have to move back in with his parents.

Some background - he has not worked for 8 months since he was fired. I have been paying all rent and bills by myself leaving me with no money to do anything. His parents pay for everything such as his phone and car and his petrol and food (he has his dad's credit card). His parents have also funded him going away for stag do's and holidays. Whilst I am too broke to buy myself a sandwich from the shop. He has not applied for any jobs which resulted in me kicking him out for a week and made him live with his mum. He started booking tests for his course and applying for jobs so I let him come back. That was a month ago and still no job.

OP posts:
Original poster
StripeyCatLady · 25/06/2025 21:02

CopperWhite · 25/06/2025 20:51

I was ready to defend this man going on a stag weekend because I don’t think he’d be doing anything wrong by going. Then you said he’s been out of work for months and got you pregnant in that time, and it became clear that you really should change the locks while he’s away. But when you tell him why it’s over, tell him it’s because he’s a lazy arse who is still funded by his parents when he’s a parent himself and that makes him too unattractive to share a life with. Don’t tell him it’s because he went to his mates stag do, because that is the least of your problems.

Yeah I agree completely the stag is just the tip of the iceberg. I kicked him out about a month ago so he knows how I feel about him not working and sponging off of his parents. I've told him I think he's a massive man child and all the other things people have said above. He's just been giving me lip service these past few months about getting a job and I've stupidly believed him.

Someone else asked about the hobosexual comment it's someone who pretends to love you so they can live with you which is what it feels like. Because if he really loved his family he would be working and not leaving everything to me to pay for, especially in my situation.

To add another thing that pissed me off I was trying to learn to drive for years before my test (it's really hard to book tests atm). I'd bought a car and insured him on it so he could help me learn between £70 lessons and he took me out once.

And in response to the person who said why have I brought another child into this shit show, he hasn't financially supported us recently no but he is a hands on dad and has a very good relationship with our daughter, she adores him which is why I've given him chances up until now.

OP posts:
cadburyegg · 25/06/2025 21:05

God, get rid of him. He sounds awful. And a cocklodger.

Unicorny244 · 25/06/2025 21:10

How far away is the stag? Can he get back to you if your daughter becomes more unwell?

springruns · 25/06/2025 21:12

Let him go and change the locks. If he goes message him when he is flying saying locks are changed, your stuff is at your mums, let me know when you’re having the kids.
Our a claim in for universal credit, if eligible and don’t claim already and also a claim to child maintenance.

EllieEllie25 · 25/06/2025 21:12

I think you’re making the right decision OP. With his parents enabling and encouraging him to be this selfish this dynamic is not going to improve. They clearly still want him to be their baby dependent on them, and he’s very happy to go along with it. If he was my son I’d be embarrassed by his behaviour and giving him all kinds of shit for not stepping up.

Ohnobackagain · 25/06/2025 21:13

@StripeyCatLady he has no sense of responsibility, no respect, love or care for you and seemingly none for his daughter. His parents are enabling his actions. None of them are good role models. Let him go, dump his stuff and change the locks. And do not be persuaded to let him come back. You deserve so much more.

okydokethen · 25/06/2025 21:32

Send him on the stag and tell him to not bother coming back.

heroinechic · 25/06/2025 21:33

Have you posted about him before? I swear I remember a thread from a pregnant woman who was fuming that her partner was going on stag do’s even though they had no money, but his parents were paying.

I would never leave for the weekend if my child was poorly enough to need daily hospital visits.

okydokethen · 25/06/2025 21:33

(From the title I was ready to tell you, you were being precious but no, he’s an arsehole)

Thepossibility · 25/06/2025 21:45

I think this Stag is a gifted opportunity to get him gone out of your life, the sooner the better. Don't waste your one precious life away with a loser like this. And of course his mother is going to act like you're doing the wrong thing, she's his enabler!
Don't listen to a word that comes out of their mouths, they don't want what is best for you or your kids! They want what makes their lives the easiest!

Pinkissmart · 25/06/2025 21:55

God, let him go. And let him keep going.

Yikes

MojitosAllRound · 25/06/2025 22:09

Chonk · 25/06/2025 20:02

Turned into a what?

Show quote history

It's another word for a cocklodger. Someone who has relationships for the convenience they provide rather than love and mutual happiness. Someone who moves from place to place, repeatedly kicked to the kerb by exasperated partners.

Meadowfinch · 25/06/2025 22:14

Yes, I'd kick him out. He's still acting like a party teen. He has no sense of responsibility, no care for you or his sick daughter.

He's clearly happy to sponge off others. Contributes nothing.

What is the point of him? Get rid. You don't need to be cleaning up after a third child.

silentlyleavetheirlife · 25/06/2025 22:19

Ask him to pay for more lessons and test, then kick him out.

SamDeanCas · 25/06/2025 22:23

Going on a stag do is bad enough with a pregnant wife and an ill child. That would be enough for me to end the relationship. The job thing and being funded would be another deal breaker for me. Add the two together and it’s a no brainer to kick this man child to the kerb. He clearly doesn’t have any car, live or respect for you or your children

Midnightlove · 25/06/2025 22:23

Why are you even with him?? Wtf

Codlingmoths · 25/06/2025 22:31

StripeyCatLady · 25/06/2025 21:02

Yeah I agree completely the stag is just the tip of the iceberg. I kicked him out about a month ago so he knows how I feel about him not working and sponging off of his parents. I've told him I think he's a massive man child and all the other things people have said above. He's just been giving me lip service these past few months about getting a job and I've stupidly believed him.

Someone else asked about the hobosexual comment it's someone who pretends to love you so they can live with you which is what it feels like. Because if he really loved his family he would be working and not leaving everything to me to pay for, especially in my situation.

To add another thing that pissed me off I was trying to learn to drive for years before my test (it's really hard to book tests atm). I'd bought a car and insured him on it so he could help me learn between £70 lessons and he took me out once.

And in response to the person who said why have I brought another child into this shit show, he hasn't financially supported us recently no but he is a hands on dad and has a very good relationship with our daughter, she adores him which is why I've given him chances up until now.

Show quote history

Well now you know he’s a stroll off to party dad while his daughters in hospital. Nothing fantastic about that, neither loving nor reliable both of which are exactly what children need.

Imbusytodaysorry · 25/06/2025 22:34

@StripeyCatLady Id be telling him
how you feel . I’d tell him if he goes he won’t be back and mean it!
Even if by chance he did cancel id still end this as soon as you felt up to it .

Who leaves their Dd like this never mind their wife .

Imbusytodaysorry · 25/06/2025 22:41

StripeyCatLady · 25/06/2025 21:02

Yeah I agree completely the stag is just the tip of the iceberg. I kicked him out about a month ago so he knows how I feel about him not working and sponging off of his parents. I've told him I think he's a massive man child and all the other things people have said above. He's just been giving me lip service these past few months about getting a job and I've stupidly believed him.

Someone else asked about the hobosexual comment it's someone who pretends to love you so they can live with you which is what it feels like. Because if he really loved his family he would be working and not leaving everything to me to pay for, especially in my situation.

To add another thing that pissed me off I was trying to learn to drive for years before my test (it's really hard to book tests atm). I'd bought a car and insured him on it so he could help me learn between £70 lessons and he took me out once.

And in response to the person who said why have I brought another child into this shit show, he hasn't financially supported us recently no but he is a hands on dad and has a very good relationship with our daughter, she adores him which is why I've given him chances up until now.

Show quote history

Only adores her until he has to work to pay for her ,or untill he has a stag do to go too and she is in hospital!

Bananalanacake · 25/06/2025 23:04

Who owns the property, hopefully he doesn't have any claims on it so you can kick him out.

norabatty66 · 25/06/2025 23:07

He is disgraceful. How can a stag do be more important than the welfare of his sick child and pregnant partner? As a mother would you honestly be able to go off enjoying yourself knowing your dc was so unwell and your partner was struggling.

He has shown you where his priorities lie. I couldn’t forgive this.

Rainbowqueeen · 25/06/2025 23:12

Unforgiveable behaviour. I'm glad you have realised that.

I hope your daughter recovers quickly. As well as changing the locks, think about changing any passwords of yours he might know. Is the house a rental or yours? If its a rental you also need to get him off the tenancy and change all bills to your own name. Start a cms claim and consider what contact arrangements would be best for DD.

Wishing you all the best, we are all here to support you.

GreenCandleWax · 25/06/2025 23:16

Why are you having a child with this selfish childlike person who is impersonating a real man. He is no "man", being supported by his mummy at age 35, fathers children with you but does not support them or you, even with a sick child and when you are pregnant. Give your head a big wobble, woman. What on earth are you doing, enabling this pathetic excuse of a man? In the present emergency, tell him to step up or else - and mean it. Why have you not said anything? This is unbelievable. If he goes on the stag aweekend when you need him, don't let him back.

jjpollypocket · 25/06/2025 23:22

In the bin!

QuickPeachPoet · 25/06/2025 23:22

okydokethen · 25/06/2025 21:33

(From the title I was ready to tell you, you were being precious but no, he’s an arsehole)

Me too! I thought it would be a child with a sniffle or at worst a sick bug, but this is something else. What an arsehole!
Yes, baby no 2 was not the smartest move, but what's done is done and OP can now move forwards her own way without this dead weight dragging her down. Kicking him to the curb will be the best gift she can give her kids.