Suspicious of neighbours behaviour towards my DH

[Stace88]

The couple who lived next door to us when we moved in broke up a few months ago and the man has since moved out.

The woman who lives there rarely spoke with us before but since breaking up is always chatting to my DH when she sees him. I can be stood next to him and she doesn’t look at me and aims any conversation towards him. She also refers to him by his name but doesn’t ever say mine.

That alone isn’t what my post is for. In the last couple of weeks she has made comments to DH - she saw him get back from the gym and asked him if he’d be her personal trainer (note - DH isn’t in bad shape but is a once a week gym goer and certainly isn’t a PT!). DH politely replied and she said she hasn’t had any workouts since becoming single and added ‘if you know what I mean’ with a laugh - fairly obvious what she was insinuating.

Yesterday, I was out all afternoon for a friends’ baby shower so my car wasn’t on the drive. DH told me he was pottering in the garden when our neighbour called his name over the fence and asked if he could help her with moving something in her garden which was too heavy for her, DH said yes and she told him to go down the side gate.

When DH went round she was wearing a bikini and in his words had clearly not been doing any gardening. He moved a pot at her request and then she asked where I (“your missus”) was. DH said I was out for the afternoon and she then asked if he fancied having a drink with her in her garden. DH politely made his excuses and came home.

I trust DH completely but feel like our neighbour is starting to stray into CF territory and I worry what her intentions are. DH thinks I’m being silly. Do you see where I’m coming from?

What an absolute prick. I’m so sorry op, how sad to discover that the man you thought you knew is this spineless and pathetic. Very sus that she disappeared at the same time as he did, I don’t think I’d believe him that they weren’t together, especially as he’s at a hotel.

I'd be tempted to write WHORE with weedkiller on her front lawn.

And I assume you said NO!?!?

I'd be more furious by the fact that he thinks that because they didn't have sex that makes it not so bad!! Wtf???

Tell him to go and stay with his parents.

I'd be tempted to phone his parents and let them know he'll be staying with them for a while.

I kept asking him why over and over, he said he hasn’t felt wanted by me for a long time

So as well as being intimate with her he's making it your fault.

I couldn't come back from this.

This is really not ok.
Tell him you don't want him to come to the house, you don't want to "resolve' anything right now as you need time to process the fact that your HUSBAND cheated on you with the fucking neighbour!!!

Oh and tell his parents.😡

Don’t let him push you around, @Stace88. Keep him away from your space.

If he were truly remorseful he wouldn’t feel entitled to make these demands. He would take full responsibility and do all he could to comply with what you need, including staying away. If that includes staying at his parents’ and telling them the truth, then so be it.

His current self-serving moves are indicative of continued wayward behavior [check out the survivinginfidelity site]. This guy is still up to something, and there is a high probability that he has been with OW at the hotel while pushing his agenda with you — still moving his pawns around the board and eating cake. I am more convinced than ever that this has been a longer-term affair/double life that he was able to hide until recently. And yes, those remarks about OW’s ‘unnatural’ looks were part of his subterfuge.

Are you on friendly terms with OW’s ExPartner? I would consider contacting him to ask if he knows how long this has actually been going on. You need to learn as much of the truth as you can.

@Stace88 how are you doing? Did he come back this weekend? Thinking of you ❤️

@Stace88, how are things going now?

They probably did have sex … he is lying

I’m hoping you are ok @Stace88

This.

I agree. My exh was targeted by a predatory woman on a similar way (not neighbour) hobby. She was on the prowl -it was obvious and she was shameless. He was flattered. I thought he was too start to fall for it, but he did. Some women really are like that.

What an absolute bastard! I hope you’re ok @Stace88

I always find it suspicious when men compare women unfavourably...'she's too unnatural' 'she's way too pushy'. It's designed to make you think he's not interested but disinterested people don't even think to make the comparison.

I hope you manage to keep him away. What he wants now is irrelevant, he got what he wanted the other week, he doesn't get to ask you to play it his way for his comfort.

The cheek of him wanting to come back because of the cost!

They tell you what they are on a minute to minute basis some of them don't they?

!00% agrre, He has to put his big boy pants on and tell her straight.
He's being wet and spineless not saying anything.

So true, especially men who laugh at other women with their partner.

Surprisingly, men usually cheat with women who look nothing like their partner.

A colleague who's a size 8 thought her competition so to speak were women similar to her, but her husband left her for someone older & more than double her size.

It's not always the younger/slimmer/prettier OW.

You might want to read the whole thread…

I've read all I need to from OP. Yes he was spineless as he din't put his foot down straight away on the flirting. Shut it down with OP as being nothing wrong and doing things for the neighbour instead of saying no.
Had a drink with her why? He could have said no.
Getting in her knickers ? He could have said no and walked away.
Then cries about it when OP has the balls to ask him knowing she might not like the answers.
He's a spineless bastard, no more no less.

How are you OP?

I wouldn’t necessarily be suspicious YET but as a married man he owes it to you to shut her down out of respect for you and his marriage.

This doesn’t have to be done as explicitly as “I don’t want to have sex with you” but he should be engaging with her less and less the more she lays it on thick.

Oh dear just read your latest posts Op. so sorry! What a bastard.

Then you’ll understand it’s a bit late now for him to ‘tell her straight’.

FFS, of course it's too late that's obvious!
I was referring to the fact he sound have told the neighbour from the first instance of her behaviour as you well know. He didn't put his foot down the first time she flirted with him.

Calm down.