Plus One wedding Issue

[libra89]

Hi my boyfriend has been to two weddings this year without me. He has said that in both wedding invitations that no plus ones are invited. I have been with him about a year now. I feel very left out because of this. Any advice what I should do. Thanks in advance

My boyfriend has met my friends

Good solid advice

@libra89 do you have learning needs? I can't tell whether you're struggling to understand people's comments, or being deliberately obtuse.

If it's the former, do you have a support worker or someone you can talk to?

The question the PP asked was - do you have ONE friend, or do you have TWO friends? Or do you in fact have a few friends? Because if you literally had one friend or two friends, you'd be able to answer.

op does this man also think you are boyfriend and girlfriend?

• Someone wants a friend at their wedding instead of a plus one they don't know
• Someone doesn't want to pay to entertain someone they don't know
• Not everyone has the space/money to invite all their friends to their wedding, much less loads of people they don't know.

You either believe that as a girlfriend who the bride and groom don't even know, you should make the cut above their actual friends. Only a very selfish person would think this.

Or you don't, in which case this post is pointless!

I wasn’t here to be name called

Kindly OP a wedding isn’t the place for initially meeting the bride and groom. You can still socialise with your friends and his friends in other settings like a beer garden at a pub or something. You haven’t missed out on all socialising because of this. Life has plenty of other more day to day events. A wedding is big expensive event for best friends and close family and friends, your established network

I did also wonder if you had learning needs OP, this might be making it harder for you to see it from the perspective of those replying

I don’t have learning needs not a very nice thing to say. You wouldn’t like if I said that to you

To be fair if you have only been with him a year, the couples probably worked out their headcount either before you got together or when the relationship was extremely new (it still is). Very common to not invite new, unestablished partners.

But there’s nothing to advise you about, OP. The only behaviour here you can control is your own. You can’t make people you haven’t met (or whom you have) invite you to their wedding, or offer your boyfriend a plus one. You either change your mindset about it, or think about whether your sense of isolation and missing out stems from your relationship or something intrinsic to you.

Well the point of therapy is to identify the things that are “wrong” with you and that you need to work on. I don’t think it’s supposed to feel comfortable.

But you are being very uncommunicative and are obfuscating rather than answer questions from people trying to help.

It is reasonable to wonder if English isn’t a language you are confident in or if you have additional needs, because otherwise you seem to be being deliberately difficult. And why be difficult if you want advice?

As many, many people have said, your problem is your passivity in the face of social isolation, wanting others to provide you with a social life and taking a negative, downtrodden approach.

Reframing your situation and taking action would change this. Nothing else will.

English Has always been my language. I can accept people’s opinions but that doesn’t mean I need to accept them at face value. I have first class honours degree. Don’t need someone to tell me I have learning needs

Ok, so here's a question for you.

Do you have only one friend, or two friends, or more than two friends?

It should be easy to understand and answer.

No , as you can see it’s not always usual to have plus ones.

I see you are thirty five , I assume he is the same age. Both of you still quite old to still be living at home. I have the feeling that you have never lived independently, is that right?

Since he seems to have a much wider and more active social circle than you I also wonder if he has moved back into his parents home following a previous relationship break up. Could that be the case? If so I can quite understand that his long term friends are reluctant to meet you/ invite you to their social events and weddings because of loyalty to his previous relationship. Or indeed relationships if he has had a long history of girlfriends.

Two friends

You can’t just assume by my communication that I have learning needs.

Well we definitely can’t assume by your communication that you have a first class honours degree. It’s like getting blood out of a stone unfortunately.

Anyway, plenty of advice has been given to you.

That’s just your opinion.

I have answered everything that I could

Eventually. And only after they've been asked multiple times and in different ways to try to help you understand.

I haven’t been asked to write a very detailed Shakespeare story.

No, precisely, you've been asked some pretty simple questions which you've had difficulties understanding.