Plus One wedding Issue

[libra89]

Hi my boyfriend has been to two weddings this year without me. He has said that in both wedding invitations that no plus ones are invited. I have been with him about a year now. I feel very left out because of this. Any advice what I should do. Thanks in advance

Just taking a step back here.
So is the real issue that you haven't met many of his friends?
Does he go out without you to meet his friends?
Do his friends live locally?
Is there a gang - husbands, wives, kids etc that he is excluding you from?
Has he met your friends?

Some weddings are quite expensive and what better way to cut costs than not including a plus one, especially if they barely know them.

Also, you see a lot of threads where children are not invited and of course this is the hosts choice, wether it's to simply cut costs or they simply don't want children in attendance, again that's up to them.

It does seem the norm now for plus ones and children not to be invited.

If you do wish to socialise with your boyfriends friends, you could always make arrangements to do it.

The thing is you have to expand your situation to EVERYONE. You are young. At our wedding there was 150 people max (max the venue could hold legally), I'd say easily maybe 25% of our guests were single young people who could have had a plus one. 25% of 150 is 37. That would mean we would had to have 37 less friends to accommodate 37 random people we didn't know! Yes you are being very selfish and you need to just stop!

I have met one or two of his friends but not many of them

I'd be more worried about not having met many of his friends after a year.

I have one or two good friends but they are married

Id certainely not be inviting someone I'd never met to my wedding unless the couple were engaged, married or living together and long term. I can't imagine having not met the partner of someone close to me in those situations though. The couple getting married aren't doing it to facilitate you socialising.

This is a boyfriend problem, strange after a year you have only met his parents and a couple of his friends. Are you both of the same opinion of the seriousness of the relationship or is he just seeing it as a short term bit of fun?

Well that’s on him, not up to his friends to spend £50-100 bringing you along to their wedding to socialise. Have you considered inviting them round for dinner/out for drinks?

I would say the only open (bring someone, who has not met bride/groom) plus one that might be given is to someone who has travelled a long way and maybe not know anyone else there. Depending on how well they know the couple, even married partners might now be invited (eg a work colleagues wedding)
What relationship did you boyfriend have with these people? If you've been together only a year, and the weddings have happened, then at the point of inviting you would have been pretty new together.
For the future, if this is a good relationship, work on meeting more of each others friends and building a foundation as a couple while maintaining individual friendships and interests. See how it goes.

I’m not sure. I thought he would introduce more of his friends to me

If you miss out on socialising then you need to widen your social circle so you're not dependent on a man to provide you with a ready made social circle. Join some hobby groups like a park run, gym, reading groups, swimming etc.

Meet up is good, you can find a variety of people to go to an event if you don't like going on your own. https://www.meetup.com/

Re: wedding invitations, I think you're too new a partner to be invited to a wedding. Start small with inviting the wedding couple and his friends for a post wedding bbq. Invite some people you know but aren't too close to so you have familiar faces. Do you have family and friends? It's not healthy that you're hitching your social life on a partner, you need to be independent.

I was thinking of asking him to meet up with his friends casually in a pub

You're wrong. It's been quite a long time since plus one was the norm - everything is just so expensive. Unless it's his brother or sister getting married, who might add a plus one for him, it would be very normal for a cousin or nephew to be invited without a guest.

You sound like you are feeling isolated and lonely. I'd concentrate on building up your own social life rather than hoping to be added to your boyfriend's.

I have one or two good friends. I’m trying to do things on my own more so I’m trying to be independent

I feel lonely a lot and isolated. I always see that the grass is greener

You sound very passive, take control & say you're spending the afternoon at a pub & people will meet you there. He's welcome to ask his friends to drop by as well. You don't wait to ask your boyfriend to arrange a meeting. Take control and be more independent rather than a wet lettuce, it's not a very appealing trait.

Is there a hobby you can join to meet more people & socialise separately to your boyfriend. It’s good to both have your own lives as well as doing things together.

Get a grip and grow up?

I try to be independent too I do a good few things on my own

I know you didn’t mean it to sound harshly or blunt

Even if I had a plus one, I wouldn’t have taken a boyfriend of only a year to a wedding.

You need to find your voice and stop being passive. The wedding issue is a non issue I have gone to weddings minus my actual husband as there was no plus one, wedding of work colleagues and they didn’t know him well at all.

You need some counselling to change your mindset.

The grass is only greener because you're judging their Outside by your Inside. Stop being passive, stop looking for other people to fix your loneliness. Only you cvan do that.

A world of Plus Ones and meeting his friends won't help you. Judging from your posts, you'd feel isolated because they all know each other and share jokes and stories and you don't.

It's not your boyfriend's job to bring you nerw friends and it's certainly not his relatives' job to invite some woman they've never met to their weddings.

You have to have agency in your own life, OP. Get in contact with your own friends and plan some get togethers. Go to exercise classes or activities and groups and really throw yourself into meeting people. Be someone other people want to spend time with, rather than hoping to cling to the social coattails of others.

Why are you deliberately not answering questions that elaborate on your situation?

Do you want people to give you decent advice or just a pat on the back and say "aww poor bairns there there?"

Why on earth would you be invited? They would have planned their wedding 2/3 years ago and you didn’t exist to them. Plus it sounds like you’ve never met them! Fucked if I’d be paying £150 a head for a stranger to attend my wedding

you also sound completely controlling not wanting him to go on a stag do cause you have no friends to fill the time with. You are a big red flag