My partner says he will feel more appreciated and cared for if he got more sex and oral sex?????

[tiredmummm]

I need advice. I’ve told my partner I’m dealing with mental health and my sex drive isn’t very high. I try my best to satisfy him but it’s never enough for him.

So he coerces you in to sex and sexual acts, expects you to be the only one contributing financially, treats you like a servant by not contributing anything to the running of the household and emotionally abuses you by making you feel bad about trying to get rid of him and by claiming you’ve caused him mental health difficulties. Sounds like an abusive relationship to me but this graphic should help you to decide if that’s the case. The real question though is what do you want to do about this Prince among men (note the sarcasm). It sounds like you’d really like to get rid of him but you can’t manage to free yourself from his influence. Is that right?

This is appalling Op, why are you tolerating any of this? You don’t need his consent to make him leave. Please have some respect for yourself because he clearly doesn’t.

And you’re enabling his lazy ways, it sounds like he could work if he wanted to given he’s blamed his issues on you. Do better for you and your child’s sake.

Well it’s clear from your posts why your MH is bad. You’re living with pain so bad you can’t work. You’re caring for a child. You do all the cleaning. You live with a man who coerces you into sex and contributes nothing to your home financially.

Kick out the loser and get your life back in order.

I'm no therapist but I will tell you this for free. Get rid of the lazy, mooching, no good "partner" & I guarantee your mental health will begin to improve.

You don’t think I know what kind of person he is? I feel stuck as I have no family or friends to rely on, nobody to talk to about this so I just rant on here and ask for advice instead of bottling everything up and making myself think that this indeed my fault and I’m the problem.
I don’t need your opinion if what you’re going to do is put me down.

@tiredmummm

If you know he’s such a loser why haven’t you got rid of him yet.

You say you have no one to rely on so that’s why you’re still with him but what is he actually doing to help you in your life. Does he clean the house, do his fair share with the kids, contribute financially?

If anything he’s just adding more stress and burden to your life.

You know you shouldn’t be with him and it’s not a healthy relationship so leave. Every day you stay is another day your child(ren) think this is what a normal relationship looks like and they will go on to mirror it in their future relationships. Do you really want this life for your children?

I think almost everyone on this thread supports you… but you aren’t willing to take any advice. So carry on giving the blow jobs OR take steps to get him out, because this situation sure as shit isn’t going to change unless you do something.

Even when your choice is an unpleasant one, it’s still a choice.

And I see you’ve split up with him before, you can do it again.

Just a quick update, thank you all to who took their time to respond to this and give me advice I really appreciate it.
If I’m honest, I am scared of this man he has shown aggression towards me on multiple occasions, has made me feel like I’m the crazy one etc. I honestly don’t know what to do. He says that I treat him badly all the time but I can’t help but feel some sort of resentment towards him. A lot of the times I’m the only one that’s doing stuff around and outside the house, like taking/picking up our son from school, cleaning , attending parents evenings or anything that our son has at school, laundry. What I can say is that he does cook most days a week and cleans here and there if he feels like it but tells me he would have more motivation if he’d get more sex.
I just don’t know anymore

Abusers also tend to isolate their target socially from forms of support so this could be why you do not have family or friends to talk to. Your children do not have a choice re this man but you do even now.

Womens Aid and or the police respectively would help you get away from him for good this time around and get him removed from your home.

It can take several attempts for a person to leave their abuser but you’ve done it before and you can do so again. He is not the boss of you nor your jailer but you have no power or control and he uses all that against you. And he’s a sex pest to boot, how dare he say that to you when you are unwell yourself. He doing some cooking and cleaning when he feels like it are no consolation prize nor does it make him father of the year. These are the barest of bare minimal requirements.

How is it that your boundaries are so poor, what happened to you?. What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

You could be giving him blow jobs galore and jumping his bones all the days of the week but he still won’t lift a finger to help.
He is blaming you for his mental health because he is trying to force you to have sex. He is punishing you because he is an unhappy man, you could be in another country from him and he if he fell over in the street, he would try to twist the truth and make it your fault.

Get him out.

Give him a week.

If you don't have anyone you can call on to help, call the non-emergency police

And don't do ANYTHING for him while he's still there

When he's gone, change the barrel in the locks then your landlord can't complain

Nothing about your life or your child’s life will improve or even have the glimmer of hope to improve until you

end this abusive relationship

get a job. Some job to earn money. Your poverty and dependence on aid and benefits has you equally imprisoned in this relationship

if you can’t do it for yourself do it for your child
earning money is the way to independence emotional and financial stability and life enrichment for both you and your dc

find a job you can do within your health restrictions and start working on improving your health. Many many people work while having health issues…serious health issues.

stop posting start doing. Every single poster has told you he is bad for your health and your child’s wellbeing

I want the laugh emoji for this. Clap 👏 instead.

I empathise with you OP, but you do know what to do. Tell him to get the fuck out.
Call 101 Police will happily come and send him on his way( mine had a police escort out of Wiltshire😆Trust me, you'll be better off and you'll get your confidence back, which you've lost
Please seek confidence from posters, you can do this.

@Lavenderandbrown I like the sentiment needed to help OP get rid of the bloody clinker she has attached to her.

It is not for us here to push her into getting a job if she's on her ass right now with health struggles. It's common for longstanding abuse victims to develop very real debilitating illnesses, usually autoimmune. It's another world and we can't compare people's personal health challenges. I will has a guess this is not the first abusive, manipulative CF that OP has dealt with in her life.

Without him sucking life from you OP, you're going to have space to look at your health situation and tend to that; not tending to his battered sausage, washing his skegs and other wants of his.

Is your universal credit a joint claim?

And physical health too more than likely.

@tiredmummm please contact Women’s Aid and make a plan to get this pos out of your life in a way that will make you feel safe x

Oh op, please get him away from you. He’s not a good man.

He's a classic gaslighting cunt who is turning the tables to make you feel crazy and feel at fault. He is probably at the least high on the narcissist scale which means he has little to no empathy and will use unpleasant tactics in all his communication methods. They never change, ever. Change is only to suck you back in and is temporary.

He knows you have no support and you're therefore emotionally very vulnerable ( you are not a weak person, you're just isolated and on your ass ATM).

Women's Aid - they will know all about how to start planning a way out from these arseholes and can advise you.

Is the bloke on a joint tenancy or anything like that?
Joint benefit claims?
Any financial ties to him?

The above are the big hurdles to address.

Is there any person you trust that you can speak to for support not connected to him?

Feeling afraid is normal when dealing with people like this. It took me 40 odd years to no contact an abusive alcoholic sibling. I had and have no support.

It is not as easy as people think to overcome the fear and terror these arseholes create. I imagine OP might have family who have also treated her like shite and she therefore is confused about her own reality and incredibly vulnerable.

At the very least OP, call Women's Aid and tell them everything 🙏

Duck duck go is an anonymous search engine. Use that instead of Google etc.

100% get him out.

Give him one chance to leave like a man. Personally in this situation I’d want my family on hand to help.

Then when he gets aggressive take your child to the pub and call the police to have him removed. Change the locks immediately then write your landlord or lettting agent an email explaining the circs. They will understand.

The one caveat to this is that if you ever feel that you’re not physically safe or things are escalating, that you call 999 immediately. Don’t second guess yourself- things can and do turn nasty quickly.

If hes aggressive that does add a layer of difficulty but its not impossible. Speak to your local police and ask advice. Give him a date to leave. Ask the police to assist if necessary. Do you have a male to assist you? Friend/relative/neighbour? Or a female who would stand up to him? I know its hard but continuing like this is harder. Were all here willing you on. You could have him out of the house and ready to start a fresh in a weeks time- even give him until Friday if hes going to his dads house. His future is not your problem.