DP positivity thread, anyone?

[LastPostISwear]

Just wanted to excess my feelings somewhere! (I already tell DH constantly.)

I just love him so much. Today he came home and just chatted so much, and I was so happy to hear all about his day and his thoughts. (If I could crawl inside his mind and live there, or occupy the same physical space as him, I would; that would be perfect intimacy for me.) He is so smart and kind and thoughtful and handsome, and is always trying to be an even better partner to me (and he succeeds!) I feel incredibly lucky to be his wife.

What are some things you love about your DP?

Sounds like you’re trying too hard to convince people you’re happy. Happy people don’t normally feel to need to say so so vociferously.

@LastPostISwear No need to feel sorry for me, my darling, I have a lovely life.

People aren’t twisting what you say: they’re repeating your comments back to you, often verbatim. They’re concerned for your daughter, and some of them are concerned for you. It’s not gaslighting - I’m sad for you that you think it is.

Anyway, I’m off to pet the cat and spend time with my family. Do enjoy your weekend OP, wherever you are in the world.

Ok in the early hours of this morning, the OP started a thread asking for “tips for loneliness”

this is a very lonely OP who for some reason is not reflecting it in this thread, but certainly in the early hours of this morning was

Jesus 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️

As soon as I read OPs first post I KNEW she was much younger than him. 🙄

Very strange. Are they a troll, or a very mixed up person? (Or both)

She's making a huge song and dance about people looking at her other posts, I wonder if it's a cry for help?

This weekend is different than usual because yesterday I had to pack DDs things for two weeks, drive to and from my mum’s house to drop off DD. Got home late. Then I had something to do for my job, and went to bed.

Woke up early this morning to finish up with the house (since DD destroyed it on Friday) and pack my things. Missed my flight because I thought it was later. Spent a long time on the phone notifying my superiors and arranging for a different flight… now boarding the flight. Won’t get to where I’m going til the evening. I have no idea what they want me to do when I get there.

Normally, on Saturdays we go to the gym in the morning, then have lunch out, and run whatever errands DH takes us on. When we get home, we might do the deed if DD fell asleep in the car, or catch a nap ourselves. Then I’ll do some cleaning, laundry, or gardening before cooking dinner, and DH will work, watch TV, or play with DD. I’ll clean up, and we’ll put DD to bed. Go to bed ourselves, maybe after sex.

Sundays we got to church, grab barbecue from a place near the gym, then we work out. Much of the same thing as Saturday, though we might do an activity or go out for dinner.

Noooo your life and partner are actually terrible and you’re being abused! I’m concerned for you!

I’m struggling emotionally because DH left for his daddy-daughter trip, and I won’t see him for another two weeks. It’s hard. It was just me at home with the fish, and they don’t make for good company.

You're gaslighting yourself

Well, this thread got weirder

i am a reliable narrator telling you guys what my life and marriage is like, and how I feel, and you are the ones telling me I’m wrong, as if you know better than I do. That is textbook gaslighting. And now you’re trying to gaslight about whether you’re gaslighting me. It’s not clever

Quite

Way to say nothing at all

With quite clearly a lot of free time to mumsnet about either how awful your dh is OR how much you love him.

It spoke volumes to the rest of us

Did you miss your flight because you were mumsnetting?!

If there even was a flight, OP's job sounds as implausible as most of the rest of it.

I agree the pattern of what you're posting about is probably reliable. Thats the point. Most older women on this thread id wager have seen or been in or around relationships like this. There's the obsessive aspect. And there's the inequality of the set up. His age and money, his rules. Your relative youth and therefore inexperience, the lady that 'massages' him. The lack of sexual initiation. It all smacks of him having all the control, power, and you fawning.

Although some comments can come off harsh. I think people are just trying to chuck some cold water over you. Self-kiddology is maybe a gentler term to use for what I'm seeing you do here.

No. I assumed I was flying in with the main group because of something my superior said, and then when I got my itinerary, I failed to look at it closely enough to realize I was scheduled to fly on my own. I thought I had until 2pm to be ready; somebody texted me to ask what time my flight was around 9:30am, and the flight was departing at 10:30… and I wasn’t packed and live 45 minutes from the aeroport.

But I got another one easily enough… waiting for my superiors to yell at me for it though.

You know what my older husband never did? Tell me that I can’t trust my own feelings, desires, or perspective because I’m too young/inexperienced. Unlike posters here who are doing exactly that.

I’m not “obsessive;” I’m just extremely attached. It’s normal to like the way your partner looks and smells and to miss them when you’re apart, especially for long periods of time. (I’d even go as far as saying you probably don’t really love or feel attracted to your partner if you don’t feel those things.)

There is no significant “inequality” in my marriage. I benefit significantly from “his” money (our mutual assets, I think you mean? We are married) and I have things in place so I would be just fine monetarily if anything should go wrong. He has actively encouraged and enabled me to do that. It’s like literally the opposite of financial abuse.

What are you talking about, “his rules?” What “control and power” does he have that I do not? Go on, I’d love to hear it.

At some point, young adults are mature enough to make decisions about who they want to date. For some reason, we never automatically question and make baseless assumptions about young people’s relationships if they’re dating their age peers— as if most people who are hurt or mistreated aren’t, in fact, dating their age peers ! and that for some reason all older partners in AGRs are inherently bad people with bad intentions, treating their DPs poorly. It’s an entirely illogical, and frankly, quite stupid, assumption that comes from their own lack of attraction for older/younger people, and they try to rationalize it post-hoc with “We’re just concerned!” No. No you are fucking not, or else you’d be all over other women’s posts telling them not to date at all because of the potential for abuse by their age-peer partners.

We have different amounts of experience in different areas, and we use that to benefit and/or educate each other. Experience isn’t a 1-1 correlation with age.

In case you missed it, he has been initiating again recently, after I came back from my trip.

(If I could crawl inside his mind and live there, or occupy the same physical space as him, I would; that would be perfect intimacy for me.)

This never ends well.

You can't 'become a lesbian' for one. It's insulting and idiotic when straight/bi women say shit like this.

You know what my older husband never did? Tell me that I can’t trust my own feelings, desires, or perspective because I’m too young/inexperienced.

of course he never did
you were 18 and thought you loved a 43 year old man. He was hardly likely to tell you to stop trusting yourself.

I failed to look at it closely enough to realize I was scheduled to fly on my own

to busy posting either complaints about, or obsession with, your dh