Leaving almost 19 year old daughter 2 nights a week.

[Hartey40]

So I leave my daughter 2 nights a week to stay at my partners. She is welcome to come too but prefers to stay at my/her home, he works in hospitality local to where he lives and finishes late so not practical for him to stay at mine, there is no issue with this arrangement, other than that I have mum guilt, does anyone else do this ? She starts university in Sept and she will be living 5 hours away, so maybe I’m emotional about that too. Please be kind with your opinions.

I don't understand the problem.

She's 19.

She's an adult. You are allowed to have a non-mum life. Why do you feel guilty?

It's perfectly fine and a good way for her to develop self reliance.

She's 19.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. She has chosen to stay in the house instead of come with you. It's fine.

Ah, it’s fine! I did it a few times when my dc were of a similar age.

There’s absolutely no problem with this. At 19 I was living away at uni like many others.

I’m just having a wobble I don’t know why, she sees her father too but it’s really hard to communicate with him and I kind of feel 100% responsibility if that makes sense. I know we don’t have to communicate anymore with her being the age she is but I feel it’s preferable to not doing.

Is she currently doing alevels (ie 18 at sixth form and 19 in a few months)? In this case I think I'd tend towards sticking around during exam season.

Otherwise, I don't see an issue.

This is most weeks though

She probably enjoys some time to herself

No she has finished at college as it was coursework not sit down exams. She we are in limbo land now before she starts university. She’s applying for lots of jobs but not being successful yet

My dad did this when I was 19 for the same reasons (except it never occurred to me or him to invite me to stay at his girlfriend’s house!). Was a nice chance for me to have my boyfriend to stay for a couple nights a week :)

I see no issue here - 19 isn’t a child.

No she can fend for herself I just feel bad about it

Have you asked her how she feels about it? If she is feeling lonely and struggling and would rather you were with her, then it's clearly an issue you need to think about and balance her needs and ours. But if she's perfectly happy and actually enjoys a bit of time and space to herself, then it's good all round!

Thank you my boyfriend always invites her but she would rather stay here

My dd is 18 and at uni so looks after herself 7 nights a week

Same here although bought my flat at 24, left home at 17 though, was working through college and all the way through uni

yes I’ve asked her she says she’s fine and has her own routine etc.

Yes that will be my dd soon but student accommodation they have others around

People are saying "I was living away at uni at that age". That's really not the same. At uni you are surrounded by friends for company, usually sharing kitchen, living space, maybe bathrooms. But if you are living with you mother and she is away two nights a week you may (possibly) feel a bit isolated.

She's an adult - you can stay away 7 nights a week.
Most 18 year olds would be thrilled to have the house to themselves, so don't fuss over her - just both of you crack on with your own lives.

Yes this is true and I take your point, but she has an active social life. Because he works in hospitality I tend to leave my house quite late. Cook her tea and spend some time with her before I leave, when she wants to spend time with me of course

I bet she enjoys having the house to herself

Thank you I am an overthinker