Leaving almost 19 year old daughter 2 nights a week.

[Hartey40]

So I leave my daughter 2 nights a week to stay at my partners. She is welcome to come too but prefers to stay at my/her home, he works in hospitality local to where he lives and finishes late so not practical for him to stay at mine, there is no issue with this arrangement, other than that I have mum guilt, does anyone else do this ? She starts university in Sept and she will be living 5 hours away, so maybe I’m emotional about that too. Please be kind with your opinions.

Is this actually about the fact that in September she will be 5 hours away from you already showing signs of independence and you are worried about not making the most of your final 3 months together @Hartey40

At 17/18, my daughter loved having the house to herself for a couple of evenings away week.

She had full run of the house, could run free with cooking and baking and lie on the sofa watching whatever she wanted.

If she's in between thing and waiting to go to uni I would stick around for her and make the most of it. She'll be gone soon enough. But I personally am clinging onto my teens before they leave home so I'm probably biased!

Sounds like the perfect transition to uni, especially as she is happy with it. Honestly, at that age I would have loved the time alone.

And?

Why on earth would your young adult want to spend nights at your bf’s with you?

I would find that strange tbh far more than leaving her at home

19? She's a grownup FFS! She's old enough to be married and have children. Let the girl live, you helicopter parent!

Let go of your mum guilt xxx

You're helping her transition to adulthood in a safe, planned way.

I am sure she prefers to stay home . Why would she want to traipse off to be with your partner?

I'd also knock off cooking her tea for her. Buy some ingredients and let her cook for herself - it's good experience for university, where she will likely be able to advise many others who've never cooked for themselves in their lives.

She's 19 not 9!!!

If she is anything like my DD she will more than welcome having the house to herself and having the independence. 😂Mine would almost encourage us to sod off.

Honestly, if she is okay with it then don't worry. My DD was always fine about us being away from the house and to be honest its good practice for her for when she heads off for uni and needs to fend for herself (which my DD did last September)

With kindness she may well be enjoying a bit of her own space anyway, enjoy yourself!

Still fine :)

I’d been living alone for a year at 19. She will be fine, she’ll probably love it!.

My daughter and her husband had their own home at 18. I don’t see the issue here

Why on earth would she want to come to your boyfriend's with you? Would you go round her boyfriend's house if she stayed over there? Can't believe you are even questioning her staying at home she is 19 years old!

It’s absolutely fine she most likely enjoys the house to herself

I used to stay on my own regularly from 17, loved it

I was away at uni when I was 17.......

Good grief. Get over this now, and let her cook her own dinner those nights, or you're going to be a mess in September!

@Hartey40 at aged 18 my child was at university at the other side of the country. This was in the late 1980s when our family didn't have mobile phones. Contact was made through our landline. they'd contact me as they were living in Halls with a communal phone.

I understand your angst, especially as a single parent, as I was. But sooner or later we, as parents, have to let go and trust that the work we've done with them over the years (stuff like right v wrong, good nutrient, all that) is enough to equip them to go out and live a safe and good life without us.

I always think it's ironic that a parents job is to help the child live a good independent life, and then, almost at the last hurdle, we start to doubt that we've done enough. Trust yourself, trust your child, would be my advice.

My mum had a mortgage and me aged 19!

I was a manager of a small admin team at 19 and lived with my boyfriend in a city centre flat.

Most people aged 19 are at uni, often 100s of miles from home.

She is fine, and probably relishes her independence those couple of nights

How will you cope when she's at uni?

Thanks everyone for replying, I’m having a wobble and feeling like a bad parent I guess. I’m not a helicopter parent though as someone commented , the opposite really, otherwise I wouldn’t leave her….i guess I don’t want to be judged and I have no one to ask in the real world, the common sense side of me tells me it’s fine. I will cope when she is at university as I do have a life seperate to my daughter., of course she doesn’t want to come with me to my boyfriends, but mentioned it in case someone said why doesn’t she come with me. I guess this is all part of motherhood and trusting your own judgement x