In what circumstances does a father get full custody of his child?

[athenaswrath]

Hi,

I was just wanting to know the answer to this question, the father of my child who is a complete narcissist and bully has stated to the judge yesterday that he going for full custody of our child after trying to prove I was mentally unstable which didn’t work and I was granted permission to take our daughter abroad. He is using everything he can which is very little to try and make my life as difficult as possible. I’ve got another court case after my holiday and he has stated he wants her full time or if not full time 50/50 (make up your mind)

This bloke has put me through hell the last 2 years and he’s really affected me mentally. As you can imagine trying to co parent with a narcissist is unbelievably hard.

He is also going to use my eldest son as a means of getting her too he has said she is unsafe round him and he worries about her round him because my eldest has a diagnosis of ADHD and is being assessed for ASD he has in the past been verbally aggressive and has put holes in my walls from his outbursts, he did two years ago accidentally break his younger brothers arm when play fighting but social come round and that case was closed. He is not a threat to our daughter he absolutely adores her but this is one of the things he will use in court. He has tried to make me look mental and like I am unstable too because I suffer with depression and anxiety.

I know I have a huge battle coming up and need to prepare for the vicious lies he’s going to attack me with. I just need some advice if possible please.

If the mother has a serious mental disorder, lives a chaotic lifestyle, is involved in criminal activity or has drug/alcohol addiction. Basically anything that could endanger the children.

I’m none of those things. I’m sure he will make some crap up though.

If he makes false accusations you can request a fact finding. The judge will often appoint a clinical psychologist to interview you, your ex and the children separately. Medical records may be requested, or any records from police involvement for example. Cafcass will also speak to the children to determine their wishes, though their opinions hold more weight at the age of 12+

It is near on impossible for a parent to get full custody without good reason and proof.

It will be in regards to our daughter who is 2 and she’s not able to talk properly yet. The other 3 children are not his would they still want to talk to them? As the other 3 don’t concern him as he is not there father.

In that case I can't imagine a court asking for anyone to be involved in terms of speaking to your DD with her being so young. They would not speak to your other children as this residency battle doesn't concern them.

It may be that this just has to go to a fact finding if different accusations are being thrown around.

It’s going to be basically him trying to prove I’m an unfit mum and that our daughter is in danger then. Without any reports from SS or Child protection I don’t see how he will be able too because I’ve never had any of them involved because of abuse or neglect as I am not like that.

Really don't worry. My first husband bust a gut to do this. The judge sees right through all this crap. In the end my ex was banned from seeing DS completely because it was considered that he was making our lives a misery.
They have seen all this before.
All you have to do is be a good mum state the facts and carry on.
My ex bugged my house took photos of me wherever I went and photographed me shopping. Apparently I was an alcoholic because I bought a bottle of wine.
But be warned, however tempting don't have another relationship while this is going on. They often take a dim view of new partners being introduced whilst all this is going on.
It isn't fair but they do.

I have been single since October 2023 and I still do not plan on finding anyone else 😂 I am well and truly put off honestly! There is no concerns there. I hope they do it’s just very overwhelming and stressful isn’t it? It’s just not a nice thing to go through especially as it’s just unnecessary too.

If he's lost his Job etc I'm wondering if he's pushing for full custody for the purposes of benefits

He won't have a hope of full custody. No drugs and alcohol, no abuse, no ss involvement. At most he'd get 50/50. I'd concentrate on arguing why not 50/50...his accommodation, your dd staying with her brother etc

100% this! I know it’s this.

yeah 50/50 isn’t reasonable either because of the way he is, his accommodation is definitely not suitable for her it’s very small like very small her room which would be her room is tiny it would just fit a bed and a small chest of drawers in there. The whole block is full of drug users and stuff too because he’s told me.

I’m not sure he would get them though as she’s my 4th child and has been born after the child tax date for a 4th child.

@athenaswrath is she his first? Then he might try to contest or apply for the child benefit (whether you're paid it or not), then he has access to any benefits

It is just SO stressful and unnecessary and your ex is cutting off his nose to spite his face. It's all revenge and not thinking about the actual child.
This will not go unnoticed by the court.
Best of luck and hang on in there. You will be OK. See your GP if the stress gets too bad. Nobody will judge you for that.

Yeah she is his first.

Well that’s one of the things he is stating, my mental state is apparently ‘unstable’

How did it all go OP? I appreciate it is over a year later so hoping it is at least partially resolved?

@athenaswrathwhat happened in the end? If you don’t mind saying?

My father got full custody of my elder half siblings because their mother died of breast cancer when they were little another friend of mine got full custody of his daughter because the mother never bothered to show up for any of the court case so he got custody but in general I think most courts will give custody to the mums I wouldn't worry too much

Does every man who wants to control his wife via the kids state she is mentally unstable. It's such a cliché!

As a bedroom size, that would be deemed large enough tbh.

It is about risk. He seems to be clearly pulling your name through the mud with no proof which the Courts will not look upon kindly. I know plenty of men who have threatened to take kids away and in itself that is abusive behaviour which the Courts know how to look for. Most of the time these men have been abusive and controlling in the relationship and it is evident in court through various things they say and do.

Try not to worry about it, these men will shout and scream and wind you up but the Courts have seen it all before. Keep the paper trail. Show you are the reasonable one and safe place for your kids. If the kids are over 10 CAFCASS might ask them what they think of their father and if they want to see him or live with him. Don't try to coach them at all as it will be obvious but at times this can be taken into consideration (it's not always the full picture as I say, both parties can use kids but it can be obvious if one parent has, which will work against them). Just do your best parenting putting the kids first and it will show.

Yes very often they will cite certain events where the other parent was "crazy", while denying they deliberately wind the other parent up by manipulation or abusive behaviour usually in front of the kids. A lot of men still think their behaviour will be ignored or they haven't even tried to reflect on how their actions attribute to the same situations they are calling the other parent out in.

My nephew got full custody after their Mum walked out on them and went to live overseas stating she couldn't cope with DC and wanted a fresh start without them. Nephew given full custody.