In what circumstances does a father get full custody of his child?

[athenaswrath]

Hi,

I was just wanting to know the answer to this question, the father of my child who is a complete narcissist and bully has stated to the judge yesterday that he going for full custody of our child after trying to prove I was mentally unstable which didn’t work and I was granted permission to take our daughter abroad. He is using everything he can which is very little to try and make my life as difficult as possible. I’ve got another court case after my holiday and he has stated he wants her full time or if not full time 50/50 (make up your mind)

This bloke has put me through hell the last 2 years and he’s really affected me mentally. As you can imagine trying to co parent with a narcissist is unbelievably hard.

He is also going to use my eldest son as a means of getting her too he has said she is unsafe round him and he worries about her round him because my eldest has a diagnosis of ADHD and is being assessed for ASD he has in the past been verbally aggressive and has put holes in my walls from his outbursts, he did two years ago accidentally break his younger brothers arm when play fighting but social come round and that case was closed. He is not a threat to our daughter he absolutely adores her but this is one of the things he will use in court. He has tried to make me look mental and like I am unstable too because I suffer with depression and anxiety.

I know I have a huge battle coming up and need to prepare for the vicious lies he’s going to attack me with. I just need some advice if possible please.

Yes see our daughter is only 2 so she wouldn’t say she wants to live with him, it will be judged by a judge whether she is unsafe with me which personally from everyone is saying here is not the case. I just hope the judge sees him for who he is which is a liar, a manipulator and an abuser.

I do I have it on the court approved app, text messages from the past and I have video evidence of this through a ring doorbell.

This is a good indicator other judges won’t take his concerns seriously either and will see through
him.

Don't let him intimidate you with this. These men always say 'I'll say you're crazy, I'll get full custody' - he's just trying to punish you because you have utterly defeated him by leaving him, which he hates. He doesn't actually want full custody of the kids at all, even to get revenge on you, he wants to be free to chase whatever he wants to do. But he does want you to be in a vortex of anxiety.

Being treated for, and taking medication for, anxiety or depression is absolutely not a reason for giving you less custody - again, these bastards always say this, because they have no empathy and assume no one else does either. The fact that you are getting treatment is actually a clear signal you are a good parent because you are dealing with the issues, not falling apart trying to cover them up.

As PPs have said, the courts are used to men rocking up, fully confident that 'My ex wife is nuts, look, she's on medication for it!' is some kind of killer blow when it's a massive red flag of a man who is out for revenge rather than custody.

50/50 care is the usual starting point, so that seems reasonable.

Having a sibling break a young child's arm, even if accidentally, is very shocking. Likewise a teenager who is violently punching walls enough to put holes in them. You are struggling here with a difficult set of circumstances. Good luck.

There is no way on earth your ex is going to get full custody of your child.

Honestly, OP, judges see people like your ex every day and they are experienced in spotting when someone is trying to smear the other parent.

In my own experience, I've only ever met one family where the father was granted full custody, and in that instance the mother a) had left the children in their father's sole care two or three years previously and hadn't attempted to see them, speak to them or even enquire after their welfare during that time before suddenly deciding she wanted them back, b) wanted to remove them from school and take them to live in a remote commune off-grid where they wouldn't have access to healthcare.

Just offer it now in writing so that you can show it to the court if he does take you to court!.

Could she argue that her children are behaving this way because they’re witnessing his abuse?

I also wanted to add, that my partner went to social services to make a complaint about me being violent and unstable and he was afraid of me. He was lying outright. I called a social worker to ask advice and she told me that they are trained to know how to spot who is the abuser and who is the victim, even over the phone. There are a set of seemingly ambivalent questions they ask over the course of the meeting which will identify what they are looking for.
An example: the SW asks the person if they can contact the partner to discuss the problem. If the partner replies: No, please don’t, I’m scared it will make it worse.. then this flags up a victim response. If the partner replies: No, they are crazy and will overreact (etc) then flag this as a possible abuser. I’m over simplifying it but this did calm me down a bit.

I'd say if the mum had severe addiction problems or very bad MH along the lines of paranoid schizophrenia, psychosis etc for which they are refusing adequate medication. That her home was totally unsafe hygeine wise/ she had zero provisions for the child like toys or a bed and food, or she closely associated with dangerous criminals.
Or if they were in a psych ward or prison. Or if they had been found guilty of physical and sexual abuse?

I reckon where possible the court tries to give at least some access to the non RP.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. As you say, the judge could see through a lot of the accusations being thrown your way. Just tell the truth and your ex will probably undo himself with the way he conducts and makes wild smears against your character.
I wish you and your children the best x

100% this. Literally they do this all the time results in ‘she’s crazy’ ‘she’s mental’ ‘she’s not all there’ ‘she’s mentally unstable’

This happened to a friend of mine and the judge threw the case out stating to ‘stop wasting his time’ It sounds very much that he’s just trying to punish you. Hope you have a good solicitor and as much backup evidence as possible. Best of luck and have a great holiday

A friend of mine was given full custody as the father because the mother was a drug addict

I'm a social worker and I've written many section 7 reports. I've only ever recommended a child moves from the mother to the father once. The child was old enough to be very clear about what they wanted and why, and the father's parenting capacity was evidently much greater than the mother's. In the vast vast majority of cases we support the status quo with greater clarity recommended around time spent with the non resident parent and often road maps to increased time with the NRP, sometimes moving towards greater shared care depending on circumstances. You need to remember that to meet the threshold to remove a child from their primary carer the evidence has to be plentiful. You can't just recommend moving a child because the father has more money, or a bigger house or whatever nonsense some of these men come out with.

This issue was dealt with social care coming round and closed the case. She said there is no concerns that my eldest child is a risk to his brothers because accidents do happen. This has been assessed and closed. My 14 year old was extremely remorseful after and felt horrendous for what he did.

Hold your ground

Why

Oh why

Would an experienced judge ever grant full access to

It is a weapon of abuse to be even trying this

Been there

Thankfully my abuser backed off and found some one else

These losers go from looking for full custody to never contacting the kids ever again

Don't you worry

My uncle brought my cousins up with full custody but their mother was extremely neglectful. No drugs or alcohol involved but a series of very dodgy boyfriends in and out, going out leaving them alone ( even went abroad on holiday), not feeding/ clothing them properly etc etc.

@WitchesofPainswickthis incident also happened two years ago.

Wow that’s actually disgusting! 😱

I will do. He is not going to bully me into thinking I’m unstable and I’m not a good enough mum.

They come out with all sorts don’t they? It’s actually disgusting if honest.

My dad got full custody because he had more money and stability . My mum went off with another man and she had no independent means .

No disrespect intended but presumably this was quite a long time ago?

I know it sounds incredibly easy to just type it, but you need to stop reacting to him and his threats because that's just him trying to keep control of you. The more you react to him, the more he will keep.it up and relish his control. Believe me, I Know it's difficult when they do and say awful things

I am going to from now on. I will just leave conversations with dead answers to the points that need to be answered so he can’t use anything against me.