May 2025 - 'We took you to STATELY HOMES' thread.

[Pleaseshutthefuckup]

Hope all ok with a new thread here. I've looked and can't find one anywhere past February.

Well I think people like you are fab. But most people just won't like it and will turn on anyone authentic - because reality is quite dark, confronting and can offend. If we really face the horrors of life,the world, the abuses people undertake, even the way we collectively convince ourselves it's ok to hurt animals and eat them. I'm not a vegetarian btw! But this is the truth and it's hideous.

90% of the public are probably living in delusion, phone zombies and living on the surface. You are not the problem. You have the capacity to connect and feel on a much deeper level. But you have to find it in other places that don't involve people; music, books, nature, hobbies, instruments, art, drawing, singing, animals, beautiful scenes in nature. That's where you escape and recalibrate.

If you're near the countryside or water, you go there on your own and you feel it all in a way most zombies and narcs will never be able to do. That is the pay off for us being the sort of people we usually all are as narc victims. We will feel beautiful things so much more and it settles us.

I’ve had a go this year at growing vegetables and I talk to them. They are just fresh little shoots and I will them to come out the soil. I think the neighbours must think I’ve gone mad. My little one now (2) follows me outside and is stroking the little lettuce shoots! 😂

There you are....i knew you were like this. I talk to the spiders in my house. I love them. Who gives a flying shit what anyone thinks. Narc people are hideously empty inside that they just can't comprehend how people can care and love something with depth.

I love talking to my plants. I love talking to the birds. All this stuff is what helps you separate from the darkness of them and find the light away from their beastly behaviour.

I find solitude is really important for me to heal from these attacks. Your plants and all those beautiful things will make you feel so good. Most people are just empty and that is not you. You're not the problem I tell you this sincerely.

If you like music, listen alone and feel it deeply.

Most people throughout my life have laughed at me and called me weird or quirky but in a stupid way because of who I am. Narcs seem to absolutely hate the light inside of us. I have a masters in design (designing prints). I stopped designing years into my marriage because I couldn’t reach the part of me that I sourced my inspiration from. When my new partner moved in and I got excited about decorating my MIL and FIL laughed at my excitement. It’s childish apparently. They absolutely hate this about us.

Yes, you are so right. Because they are dead carcuses really. What creative talents and skills do they have? I will guess,none. And look at what you are capable of.

I play guitar when I can. I write poetry, I do things they hate. I won't kill the spiders and instead we chat and I'll try keep them safe. This is what they despise and try mock. They're dead inside. Can you see already how much more you are.

Yes I’ve been coming to this realisation myself as the time goes on. As the triggers die down with my ex I can see who he is and who I am. I’d rather be me and poor than him and rich for all the money in the world. I can see this with all the narcs in my life. I like who I am. But I’d like to not be unwell mostly now. If I could not have this M.E I would be much more able to move forward. He did this to me and I can’t get rid of this illness now.

@Happyfarm I'm the same with severe illnesses. This common pattern amongst us is quite sad. The price of feeling?

They're so dead inside that they aren't even living. Your one moment with your plants you're growing, that will be more profound than all the things in the world they can have. Because they're utterly dead and miserable inside. This I believe strongly. They actually want to be like you but can't do it. So they hate you. They hate us for being who we are.

Money means nothing. I have found freedom in the minimum, same crap clothes, looking ugly. I really now don't care. These things mean nothing 🙏.

I had this talk to my oldest who I share with her dad. Last weekend he spent over £500 taking her and his other child out. (This is a common theme). Me and my partner spent £5. We got some free rollar skates for youngest, we collected sticks at the park, burnt them in the garden with marshmallows. We had a lovely weekend. I cried when she told me about her weekend. She asked me is it because I’m jealous. I had to explain to her that I cried because I don’t want her to loose the love of a simple life. I don’t want his life for her.

You can't change how she will be and what life has in store. It feels like any opportunity for you to do something totally alone is going to be really important for you. You need to be able to separate from all this, including reminders via your daughter.

That isn't cold. Everything here screams that you need some space in solitude here and there.

This generation will not value and appreciate things we did. Another thing out your control. Let it go lovely. Start concentrating on yourself and all the things you love. Just you.

I saw a meme the other day

People are often in therapy because other people in their lives refused to get therapy

And i could relate to it. With did
I

Posted to soon and getting and error message trying to edit sorry

Yeah I know you are right. I haven’t told anyone but when my oldest goes to her dad’s Every other weekend I feel a sense of relief. I feel terrible because I love her but for those 2 days the connection with him has gone. But when she comes back it takes a few days for her to fit back in as there are no rules etc there. I wish I had chosen a better father, or should I say I wish he hadn’t lied about who he was.

happyfarm it will get better, your daughter will grow up and one day you'll realise that you haven't heard from him in years. I know you're still in the thick of it and I remember how awful i found it but it will pass. Be yourself with your daughter and try not to adjust yourself to compensate one way or another in reference to his behaviour. Try neutral phrases with no heat in them like recollections may vary, I'm sorry to hear that. When she's 13/14 she'll vote with her feet. I'm very close to ds1 despite his father having been a dickwad who pushed and pulled ds1 and confused the hell out of him. I know he knows (because he's told me) that I'm in his corner and love him as a person 100%. He's been through the ringer emotionally, as we all have, but the difference is that he has a proper mum. And that's a big difference, imagine the strength that gives you. I spoke to him about that, I can because he's about your age, and I said I don't know how that must feel to know that no matter what shit you're going through your mum loves you properly. You're enough, as you are.

I know you want your child's life to be perfect but it won't be, it's not an optimal beginning. It's ok though, she'll have a mum who loves her properly and I imagine, because I have no experience of how that feels, that it's ballast.

Will I love her if she turns out like him because I hate him.

Yes you will, I promise. Honestly at 9/10 I was so fucked off with the whole situation I contemplated just giving ds1 to ex and being done with the whole situation. Be her ballast. You're worn out at having to deal with his cuntery despite being divorced, it will end one day.

Also, yes she has his genes, but she has yours too. All the many many years of modelling kind behaviour will counterbalance his input. Hang in there, parenting is long.

I hope so. It’s like his genes in her can’t help but get activated all the time. She is very me me me, not a good team player and has to have all the attention, can’t see any fault in anything she does. The more time she spends with him the more the behaviour comes out. I know at this age kids are quite narcissistic but he is supposed to discourage and support empathy but he’s watering this narc seed and there is nothing I can do. He views me as weak and I think it’s rubbing off on her. Compassion and empathy is not weakness though it’s essential.

Does anyone feel like their empathy was given miracle grow as a child and it grew widely out of control? Like this part of us is too strong now and it acts against us.

You will still love her. You will just learn to keep yourself safe. A part of me feels that you sense a problem here already. Your senses may be very correct. I believe strongly, my senses, going off for many many years are now showing me what is happening. My teen, he has highly narcissistic behaviours and thinking patterns. I sensed problems very early and they are now quite profound at times. But it was just how it was going to be. Biology and temperament really do set the stage for any stressors or environmental factors that then unfold. It really is beyond us as mum's. Believe it.

Today, I am dealing with another one. They are like a replicating virus in my life right now and I just want to cry all morning. My ex really is one. My visceral responses are telling me, he's one. I believe they are all in comms - they have in the past - and every one of them stitches me up. The one honest person.out of all of them. They did this to me whilst I was trying to survive in hospital for 6 months. I don't know how I'm still alive. I feel devastated again.

I have 4 of them in my space and my own child is one in development. It is beyond anything now knowing this.

I need that giant hosepipe right now.

You have hit the nail on the head. I sense it in her as I sense her father in her and it scares me. If I don’t love him how will I love her if she leans more and more to him. I am sad for what our relationship might be. How can I love myself for having these feelings that I don’t like parts of my own child. I wish I could go back in time. I have a second child and she is like me, I can sense the empathy in her and I feel terrible for having warmer feelings for her.

Ive just had a report from the school highlighting her lack of empathy.

The other thing that I drown in is the judgment of others. Especially my partners family. There must be something wrong with me because surely I knew he was a bad egg. Why did I have a child with a bad egg? What kind of person does that to a child. I really didn’t know.

I can sense it in you because I have the same experience. It's natural to feel very devastated and feel a bit afraid about how your own child might hurt you - emotionally or other ways.

Your child sounds a bit like mine. I have cried and been emotional in the past and I see that he has observed and noted this and my vulnerability and high sensitivity, people pleasing ways have been exploited. I don't blame him. His temperament was clearly different to me from day one. And he has been absolutely surrounded and exposed to many narcd including sociopathic; my mum, my brother, his dad definitely. I've also had health troubles he had to deal with.

So you can love them but my advice, get very very strong with your boundaries. The advice above about very short neutral lines only going forward when your daughter brings anything up sound great. Not easy and you'll make mistakes but who doesn't. We all do.

I also want for you to have time to yourself where you are not being a mum. No one will advocate for this. Society always puts everything on mothers and it's not ok. People would be horrified if they heard me say - actually, my teens behaviour is really shitty and I want space right now. And I'm having that space.

My teen is Autistic/ADHD which I feel makes it a bit confusing. Some things really are communication differences. My son is brutally honest - which I actually like. But he's developed significantly manipulative traits and in contradiction to this honest person is also capable of the most appalling manipulative lies, gaslighting and outright unkindness in quite uncomfortable ways.

We have a professional psych involved. I paid for one to advise. She sees it. I know that. I can only hope that calling the behaviour out and getting smart to it might lessen the problematic outcomes. It might not. What will be will be. Start tending to your own garden a bit more is the best advice I could give. 💐

Where are all you people in the real world? Why aren’t there people I know like this instead of being surrounded by people who are happy as long as there sorted and sod the rest of us!

People higher along in the continuum of narcissm and sociopathy deliberately target us as we provide 'supply' to them. So we can become magnets to them. Supply is all sorts, but basically all the things we do that dint include running away from them fast! And showing stong reactions or emotions in response to them. Their ultimate aim.

People who had different life experience instinctively know usually to keep so well away from these people. If you've grown up with this, you'd have no clue how bad it was until you're assessing it as an adult and we don't run away from these nut cases. If it's a parent, we don't even realise fully for years - some never will.

It's a sign to try and change things. The advice online I recommend is really helpful and explains most of it.

Your daughter is going to be a problem if you don't protect yourself spiritually and recognise behaviours that are further re enforcing this damage. You can love her and still recognise this. Maybe practice keeping yourself emotionally protected a little bit more in your interactions.