May 2025 - 'We took you to STATELY HOMES' thread.

[Pleaseshutthefuckup]

Hope all ok with a new thread here. I've looked and can't find one anywhere past February.

Sorry I am just catching up and things have moved on quite a bit
@Happyfarm I don't think my dsis is happy deep down I think that is the root of the her problem with overspending she's trying to prove to everyone she is happy and successful with material things

It's complicated she's been very overweight since late teens morbidly obese which despite now 2 weight loss surgeries is the cause of her mobility and health problems at 52 I think she wanted to get married and have a family like all of her friends have but it hasn't happened so she puts up this front that she is a happy successful career woman which she could be if she wasn't in debt and being financially supported her whole adult life by dm

I am not being mean by mentioning her weight and or saying that woman can't be happy single and childless I can give explanations to her past relationships her past behaviour with her friends when starting relationships and I supported dsis when she tried to adopt a child

Sorry I’ve deleted my response as decided too it’s too outing.

Very sad for her existence, tied to the very person who’s caused all the issues.

LondonLady1980
How are things? Is your mum really ill or is it a ploy! I hope you're ok and not being dragged down and in by her. Remember we're here for you to vent if you need to!

spendysis it sounds like your sister didn't have a wonderful start in life. Do you think, genuine question, that there was a less good upbringing than you have previously thought? I'm not excusing your sister whatsoever just those behaviours, weight and spending are indicative of stuff generally.

I don't know. I struggle with the idea of wishing death to anyone. I feel it's deranged. I once was at a retreat and one of the guides asked everyone if they ever thought they could kill. I definitely think I could.

I have come to the conclusion that I don’t really want to be alive anymore. I didn’t ask to be born (although if you asked my mother I did, she always treated me like I had created myself to spite her, and constantly told me she wished I had been aborted).

Because the Narcissism is intergenerational and really woven through the family there is too many of them to cope with, and as a result of the gang of people who all think the same way it’s a lost battle. A battle I never wanted to be in. They have ‘won’ in every sense of the word, and I can’t do this anymore. We are very isolated (ostracised because of their highly successful smear campaign) and I’m just tired of it all. They’ve made life feel grey and pointless. I can’t do anything with my life. Every time I join something new there are either people there who already know them or either they or somebody they know joins it. There is no escape in this life. It’s exhausting and I can’t relax.

And they live forever. All of the older generations lived close to a 100 years old, some still going strong. The ones making life difficult are in their 60s with no health problems, unlike me with multiple chronic illnesses. They will likely outlive me and this hell is going to be for the rest of my life.

NC/LC makes no difference. It changes nothing really. They follow me, they smirk at me and they have ruined me with their smear campaign. I feel like I can’t breathe without them finding out about it.

Hi @VWSC3 unfortunately I can understand how it is so difficult to completely free yourself from each of them. You may have said it before, but what stops you from moving away?

@Twatalert my children. One of my children really struggles socially and I don’t think it would be fair.

We did try and sell our house after Christmas, but the buyer pulled out and there wasn’t much interest in it. As soon as the family got wind of us selling they started harassing us. They got their flying monkeys straight on the case.

We are trapped. Even if we did escape they probably would just get somebody to follow us. I cant see any way out. Meanwhile they get to live their lives free as birds. The injustice eats me up.

@VWSC3 a very sad but unspoken feeling many have. We inherit such shit from our parents and none of it we asked for. I’m sorry you feel this way but I don’t think you will be alone. You can only do your best. There is no winners in this type of family. I worry that the effort I’m doing for my children will be futile and they’ll get swallowed up by the system regardless…but I try regardless. 🤗

@VWSC3 please also remember how much your existence is doing for your children. Without you they would know no other existence. We are the ultimate blessings to our children. We are the breakers of cycles and it’s not a task for the weak. What we are doing is monumental for them.

We are healing what has destroyed generations, it’s a massive task.

@Happyfarm I’ve done everything to try and break the cycle, but I also worry my efforts are going to be futile.
I love my children and they are the best people, but I feel guilt for bringing them into our shit show families. I feel like the family are vultures all sitting on a wire waiting to swoop down and grab them.

My world is so small and I’m just tired of everything.
I know people sometimes throw around the words that they don’t want to be here anymore, but I strongly feel it. Everything feels pointless and I’ve lost so much because of “family” and I know that they won’t be happy until they’ve taken everything.

But how will they grab them if your children aren’t burdened with the shitty beliefs that your family have. They will be adults who know themselves hopefully, they won’t be fooled by hiding behind image. They may be able to deal with it better as they have less trauma because you’ve taken the brunt for them. I look at it that we are shields for them and hopefully they fair better then when they have their own children they will also be stronger. It won’t end with us but it has started with us. They need you because anything you do will give them trauma and start a different cycle. You are doing your best and that is all we can do.

I don’t think the family will wait until they are adults, I think they will swoop as soon as they are trying to get their teenage independence. They have money to buy their affections when they are in their teenage years, and they’ve already told me long ago that they plan on telling them “the truth” (ie. Repeat their successful smear campaign).

I know that my children need me to be alive, but I feel like there is too much weight bearing down on me. I feel tormented, it’s like on the surface I seem serene, but inside there is an out of control storm.

My ex husband told me those same words and he is true to his words and he is doing what yours have threatened. Another poster told me that this is all out of my control. What I am is a counter balance and I live in hope and I have to wait and see and that’s all I can do. But you have to try and enjoy life outside of this, find a way to push it in a drawer for a bit and get away. I physically go away where I know it’s all ok and it helps. But there are times like you when I lay in bed and I don’t want this life anymore and it’s all a waste of time.

@VWSC3 I remember now. I know you shared this before. This may be rude and intrusive, but are your kids the real reason you aren't moving? I very much doubt it. You forget or maybe are in denial about how staying in this situation and you being suicidal because of it affects your kids. There is absolutely no way this is the better option for your kids. Your kids can be struggling socially elsewhere and have a safe home with a happier mother. It will serve them much better. This is brutal, but it is similar to a mother not leaving her abusive partner 'because of the kids'. It's really because of her. Because for some reason she prefers to stay there.

@Happyfarm Thats the thing with Narcissists - they do keep their nasty promises. I think I’ve said it before, but I wish the damage they do to us mentally was a criminal offence.
I wish I had your strength. I try and enjoy things outside of it, but I don’t think I do. Things I used to enjoy leave me feeling nothing.

@Twatalert I do hear what you are saying. It’s hard. If our extended family blinked out of existence right now everything would be good to stay here. My children have nice friends, in a good school and we have everything we need here. It is just the extended family that are contaminating it and ruining things. I don’t have much here, but I could rebuild without the extended family drilling holes in our life.

Ive done threads under a different username getting opinions on moving away - and a few adults who were uprooted as children got badly effected by the move in the long term and urged me not to do it.

@VWSC3 Did you share in these threads that you are suicidal and did these people grow up in abusive homes so they understand what your family are putting up with? No doubt there were people on the threads who moving did no harm to? I understand you are scared to cause lasting damage to your kids.

My father was suicidal. I'm sure he thought I didn't know. I knew. I used to walk home from school wondering what I would walk into. Whether I'd see him hanging from the ceiling one day. It was so deeply traumatic that I 'forgot' this time of my life for many years until the memories resurfaced in therapy.

I get a sense that something other than your kids is holding you back. To me it is completely wild that you think moving would cause more damage than staying in this situation and having a suicidal mother. Perhaps this is your depression speaking, I'm so sorry, I hope you do have someone to speak to. You are quite unwell & please know there is help out there.

I’m exactly like you, I have the same feelings and thoughts. These are normal thoughts though for this situation so I try not to beat myself up when I’m feeling shit. Perhaps your paralysis has moved from your feelings to you literal paralysis in moving house. In order to get some feeling back you have to actually act which I don’t think you are doing for fear. Your numbness to not act on your real need to move has spread to your feelings as there is not where for them to go. I think if you move you feelings will come out of hiding and you’ll start to feel happy again.

It's natural and normal, believe that. It's just too taboo to discuss and conceive. I've been in therapy for many years - this is normal. When it actually came to it and watching it, well maybe no we couldn't. But wanting the pain removed from us - of course that's only human.

If I was healthy I think I'd feel less strongly and just run away from them all. But if I wasn't so unwell and suffering so much, I probably wouldn't actually SEE the depths of their hideous behaviour.

My lovely - I feel the same. I don't want to be here most the time anymore. Because the battle of severe unrelenting illness - and these people like viruses, it leads to hopelessness. I believe these feelings are common in so many victims of this abuse who then have the double whammy of becoming very unwell.

If you can move away. Get away from them. ❤️

You are more important than your children. We are taught different. They will cope with a move. You are number one.

I don't think this is true, but the needs of everyone matter and in this case @VWSC3 is so extremely unwell that her getting better should be the priority and this would benefit the kids also. They won't know or see what for a long time and how could they, they are kids, but staying in this also causes more trauma for everyone. I believe that healthy parents and a safe home are the most important things for any child and they'd be able to cope much better with anything adverse, e.g. a move or struggling socially.

@VWSC3
Please at least start to think about moving….both my sil went ti the other end of the country , eventually and one went completely nc.
Both happier because of it.

It is in no man’s land where people are at their most vulnerable and they got shot. Make a decision to move and bunker down and live. The mind can’t survive in the midst of indecision like this, it’s bound to make you feel ill, it needs hope and it you need to give it to yourself.