May 2025 - 'We took you to STATELY HOMES' thread.

[Pleaseshutthefuckup]

Hope all ok with a new thread here. I've looked and can't find one anywhere past February.

Oh for sure, autoimmune says trauma to me too.

I wonder if everyone is a little tiny bit autistic though as it is a spectrum?

The only thing I would point to in myself is that I have a definite processing disorder. It's really annoying. It can look like I'm deaf but I just need an extra split second to process where and what the sound is. A washing machine or slightly distant motorbike would need extra thought, for instance.

Also directions! I'm an excellent driver but can't find anywhere, i could go there 100 times and still need the satnav. Although I can park in the tiniest space. To the point that men have said 'did YOU park that?'

I think some of the processing stuff is most definitely trauma though. I can't decode if I'm being watched or judged. And if I'm chatting on the phone I have to look at a blank wall or similar so as not to get confused.

But you'd have to know me very well to spot any of it.

Yes autism and adhd are all on a spectrum. I was having a conversation the other day with the SEND teacher at school. When you go for a child’s referral you have to pick one for them to refer for, you can’t just go for an assessment to find which one they are. I believe that we all a mixture of lots of things. Lots more kids getting diagnosed with Auadhd, there really isn’t one label fits all.

I believe as was therapist that I was born higher up the spectrum and have been traumatised along the way. There is no picking apart this tangle but the treatment is very much the same. I guess that is why some children are more affected by childhood than others. I would have been an extremely sensitive child to any parent. I’m trying my best with my own daughter but she is gaining trauma just through the fact that the world is too loud, friendships are hard etc. Kids higher up the spectrum and whom are more sensitive to the world will definitely pick up lots of trauma as the world is not built for them.

Most people have trauma. One of the worst trauma is relational trauma inflicted by parents. It comes with a betrayal also. I don't think anybody is free from trauma and the struggles that come with it, but some have been emotionally battered by their caregivers and that's especially difficult to deal with as it messes with attachment.

I sometimes look at the adhdh and autism threads and wonder if people think someone NT does not struggle. Like NT do not have messy homes, are not sensitive to noise, don't avoid social situations or have their lives in order all the time. Too easily absolutely everything is attributed to their ND, when in reality ND don't fully understand how NT live and vice versa.

I do agree that there's too much focus on mild ND, so subtle, like mine, that it's just a quirk really.

I was thinking about 'naturally occurring' trauma and personality recently.

You can have two kids one says to the other you look like a poo. The other child can have a variety of responses: hit them, call them a poo back, call them a bigger poo, or cry and internalise forever wondering what is it about themselves that is poo like. Meanwhile the iniator skips off and sings a happy song unaware of the harm. And the iniator is not 'bad', just being silly in the moment.

I think unless you have a ND child and a NT child you will not be able to see the difference and just how disabling the ND is. But yes NT folks gets traumatised and behaviours are all to similar. We should all just be much more accommodating really if we can. ND fold are often less able to do this because of how they are wired. We who are able should just be more accommodating.

It’s not a mild ND. I do hate these labels really. It effects you a great deal and you have to mask therefore it’s not mild.

Masking is what causes the autoimmune condition. Lots of people mask ND, anxiety, depression etc because we’ve been taught to keep it all in as a society. We often don’t seek help until it becomes too hard to hide and by then it’s too late lots of the time.

I have no experience with ND and because I don't live it I will never fully understand. I do understand that it is disabling the way I understand someone missing an arm is disabled, which I also have no lived experience of. You can imagine in a few situations what it's like but will never understand the full implications.

Children that are being emotionally abused are also faking it.

I sat in my son's ND assessment. No way there's mistaking it and it's a PD instead. The process is very thorough. They look at things that are so specifically related to ND status. I implore peeps not to buy into the rhetoric ATM ref over diagnosis etc. That is a political agenda to save money. I have multiple challenges but know certainly I'm not ND.

I definitely don't believe everyone is a bit autistic. That really undermines the struggles of those masking. Many people seem ok and they're not ok under the surface.

The hairstylist, if he feels he has ADHD, I believe him. The blood pressure issue he refers to will be POTS. It's highly highly common in ND people. ND crosses over genetically with hyper mobility/EDS which is a collagen defect hence POTS and higher susceptibility to autoimmune disease. Also, most ND people will be traumatised in childhood I'd guess.

They are very similar and therapists have a hard time unpicking especially in adults but there are differences. I can see this in my daughter, she has PDA on top so it’s tough.

I don't think you can test children for personality disorders and shouldn't. I wonder how personality disorders are diagnosed, I don't know.

I'm not buying a political agenda. I don't really care. I'm just interested in the subject and happened to come across psychiatrists/psyocholigists who say some ND are misdiagnosed and should have a different 'label'. I'm sure that's the case regardless. Lots of people get misdiagnosed in some sort of hospital about some sort of phsyical illness. My cat got misdiagnosed at the vet. You get my point.

I don’t know. I think it’s a hard one. At some point there will be an original seed and much growth to then sift through. My child could develop a personality disorder due to her ND. It depends on what she tells herself, how she survives the world. That’s why early help is needed to stop layers and layers of weed growing in the bid for her little ego to survive.

I wonder if in survival terms it’s better to have less empathy? Perhaps we are evolving to feel less because of the way the world is going.

I have at times seen it as a curse I must admit.

I look at who are the ones with the autoimmune conditions and who are the ones in therapy. Mine are living their best lives at times completely unaware. It does feel like empathy is a curse at times.

Yes that's me. I know my life will end prematurely. Theirs doesn't seem impacted health wise in any way. My brother had one session of therapy and almost unravelled. He spoke truth about mum and she went for him and he couldn't handle it so fell back into his position. He's far gone narc though anyway.

I watch videos all the time. They say their curse is living daily with the mental state they have. I know the 2 closest to me have never experienced joy like I have. Even in the perpetual hell I suffer, I still access rare moments of joy etc. They absolutely do not have that capacity. Thats why they're drunk so often I believe.

I really feel justice watching these beasts on the public eye starting to face justice. P Diddy, Epstein, Weinstein.

I agree ref PDs. It's unfair and could label someone with something that they can't shake off.

Under 18 it's called conduct disorder. I'm on a group in the USA and it's parents affected. It is next level horrifying. Many of the kids sound like psychopaths. But they won't be tested for that until 18, if at all.

I imagine most the prison population are PD people. It's too big a problem to even test for as I'm going to suggest at least half the population are possibly somewhere on that continuum and we're all blind to it until we go through what we have for example.

I don't believe that ref ND over diagnosis. Most psychs are really stupid on ihis and inaccurately diagnose women with Borderline Personality Disorder ( male psychs funny enough). They later discover they're Autistic.I'd suspect the likelihood of co morbids is significant if you're ND.

There are some genes that seem to link to a whole host of problems for people. They're trying to pin those genes down I think. It connects ND, to EDS ( ehlers danlos syndrome), to metabolic challenges, to autoimmune disease, to PTSD. I can't recall the name of the research.

This is hideous and appalling. The ability to perform was so pronounced she even managed to get the first aid man to tend to her?! Wtf. Is there any good side to this, where you learn to cope with situations like you say.

I have grown up quite helpless and infantalised. It's funny how these things impact us. Cruel really.

I don't know if any of you have seen the Netflix documentary ' Tell me who I am '. Their description of their sociopathic, possibly psychopath mother is horrifying. She'd perform theatrics when one of her sons was in hospital, crying fake tears etc. She was also adored and admired in public. A perverted cruel beast behind the scenes.

The upside is that I don't miss them one tiny bit, I'm great in a crisis and pathologically independent. Even as I was lying on the ground and the first aid man stopped and turned back I just thought to myself 'guess no help coming my way then'. We were just utterly accustomed to it. I didn't cover up for her or anything, it was impossible.

The other positive is that I act out of love and nothing else. My heart and my conscious is clear. There is never a moment I sit and my conscious gives me a little kick. It’s a very free feeling.

Hi all, I haven’t posted in a while but need a sanity check. I keep doubting myself and wondering am I overreacting.

I posted about my family before, but trying to summarise, my Father got ill suddenly about 2 years ago. He needs some care now and cognitively isn’t what he was.
While he was still in hospital my brother out of the blue stopped talking to me, wouldn’t acknowledge I was there if I was standing in front of him, pretended I didn’t exist. Did the same to my husband and daughter. He also seemed to be subtly bad mouthing us to my mother.

Initially my mother commented on his behaviour, he denied he was doing anything and she seemed to decide that was fine. He was also subtly stopping me helping, while complaining I wasn’t helping enough.

My mother praised him to the heavens in every conversation, praised him for doing things they wouldn’t let me do. She was all joy and happiness around him and his partner, from what I could see, I got the doom and gloom and difficult demands. In fairness he lives beside her, I don’t, so he was doing stuff for them.

I didn’t really react to the ghosting, tried to clarify when he was giving out about me to her, didn’t even react to overhearing them talking about me when I was on the phone. Everyone was going through a tough time, I’ll give them time to snap out of this.

Nothing changed…..

My brother gets married soon, we declined the invitation. What then followed was a lot of manipulative texts from future SIL, who didn’t even tell my brother we weren’t going. It was really upsetting to be honest, I was causing all this, no acknowledgment of anyone else’s behaviour.

This continued for a bit, then I texted my brother to reiterate we weren’t going. He apparently didn’t know. The text I got back was horrible, again I was upsetting everyone and I needed to explain to our mother why I was causing such a fuss.

Around the same time my mother stopped answering my calls or responding to my texts.

stepped back from them all. I was a nervous wreck to be honest, stressing every time a notification came up on my phone. My phone has been on do not disturb since.

several weeks later I had 3 missed calls from my mother, then a text asking what was wrong that I wouldn’t answer questions about the wedding or answer the phone (what questions I don’t know)

I responded saying I was very upset about brothers behaviour and needed a bit of space and to please respect that. She stated typing immediately and I got a big guilt trip about how hard her life is, how she’s always done her best for me and she doesn’t know what brother has done that could have upset me.

I haven’t responded, but now a few days later I don’t know if I am over reacting? (Sorry that is sooooo long, and thanks if you read it)

@tinaabbot no, you are not over reacting. You are under reacting, like we all have and do here, because we like you are often confused as heck as to what is going on.

Your brother sounds very difficult and I would seriously go low to no contact there. Do you know about grey rock communication?

I can't tell about your mum but this reads to me as an enabler mum who sees son as golden child, they probably gossip and shit stir to each other about you and tell lies to each other about you. Your mum therefore sounds potentially narc and enabler and I'm guessing brother is too.

Having NC with my brother has been freeing. You can gradually distance through grey rock. That means no more conversations like you describe, no emotion, no personal chats any more. It's robot style.

Does that feel like too much? I understand if you aren't ready. It's very difficult to do this. These are our family after all.

They'll be using guilt as a manipulative tactic with you. Not ok. You are not responsible for your dad btw.

Are you able to let go of an inheritance? That's usually the last string keeping us from just telling these people to get fu**ed.