May 2025 - 'We took you to STATELY HOMES' thread.

[Pleaseshutthefuckup]

Hope all ok with a new thread here. I've looked and can't find one anywhere past February.

@Pleaseshutthefuckup 16. Wow. I hope he manages to get out and can be himself.

Absolutely, the journey takes forever. I have SO much respect for everyone going through this. Going into the unknown and see and accept the nasty and ugly before things start to become better one second at a time. It's SO brave.

I'm 13 years in. Therapy on and off, retreats, self help groups, tik tok, books etc. It's a giant jigsaw.

I knew from so young that things were fucked. I was scared of my Mum from my earliest memories. The abuse of my eldest sister was so very extreme that it just took no figuring out. Gc middle sister was so so blatantly gc that it was laughable and I was grateful to slink around under the radar. I knew I'd be gone at 18 and in hindsight I should have left at 16 and never contacted them again. I think differently about money and inheritance, I view it as criminal injuries compensation that can be used for health needs or security. I don't really think I either conformed or confronted, I just lived a completely secret life.

This is horrible. I hear you so loud.

I think I knew but I blocked so so much. My parents battered my brother and I watched. My mum was the worst. She had a terrible childhood. We forgive all this. I can't forgive what goes on today any longer.

I was the golden one because I was incredibly compliant. I suffered at the hands of my brother who was left to care for me age 10. Again, absolutely forgive all that. My parents were young and did their best. We had nice experiences too. Kind of.

It is today and this that I can't deal with any longer. My brother is very toxic but had a shit time himself. I'm not excusing it any more though. He isn't sick and I've faced hell with what I've been through health wise and still try better myself and my behaviour.

I definitely did some narcissistic like things. It was more gaslighting a bit ( not admitting I didn't want to be in a relationship even tho it was obvious so i would deny it). I don't think I'd call it gaslighting actually, more just immaturity and not being honest. I was unkind in my words at times because I wanted out but was too scared to be alone. This was over 15 years ago and I'm single by choice now.

I have been over controlling at times. There's things like getting uncomfortable if my teen dresses a way I don't like. I just have to learn to separate and work on that. I have highly reactive behaviour and have had moments stomping round my house saying ' you absolute c**ts, die die die' and that would look off the wall if anyone saw that.

I do not treat people badly at all btw. I don't road rage or get angry at people. What I do is get overwhelmed and feel I'm going to implode. I realise it's always related to interactions with all the people in my life. And 4 of them are all high up on the continuum of narcissism.

This is as dark as I get. I wouldn't have a romantic relationship even if I was not sick. I really don't want anyone in my life genuinely. But I don't believe I'd ever be able to function properly in a romantic relationship either. I'd struggle with abandonment fear or id feel suffocated and get creeped out very quickly. Now, I would be intolerant of any single whiff of behaviour that reminded me of this toxicity. No room left for understanding on this.

Im not sure it really matters. The child wants to survive an environment which is rigidly set by the parent. The child tries the only way it knows how to do this or what method is rewarded sometimes trying its whole life until it’s sick. These roles are irrelevant, I think we get hung up at times by why was I a scapegoat and my sibling a GC. Both these children have adapted and suppressed and been damaged. The GC could have easily been a sweet gentle child whose nature has been twisted.

I watched a fab video last night. ( Part of how I process btw - hence all my refs to videos 🤣).

Some kids are just brutally honest. They see things and don't like them and their reactions, even their demeanor is noticed immediately by the narc.

They will know which people in their midst sense their fucked upness and bad behaviour. That's usually the one who will be scapegoated. But roles all change.

I have an older friend. She's incredibly authentic and kind. She challenged my mum once - the only person ever - regards whether she had been to visit me recently in hospital. I was left in hospital btw with no clothes multiple times. I had nothing. She isn't that old or infirm, just didn't want to help.

Anyway,the hatred I sensed when she mentioned this friend and the message. She saw her / she sees her. They hate those people. Those kids in a family will suffer if they can't hide or adapt that part of themselves ( being honest, authentic and unable to gently just accept nuts behaviour).

We had a social worker come to the house when I was about 8 because of my eldest sister. Mum said 'do you think she's trying to kill herself because she keeps a diary and went to boarding school?' the sw said 'I went to boarding school and keep a diary' 😂

There were so few people who challenged the madness!

It's scary challengingly the madness. People who do tend to be more honest people alot of the time. That actually makes you vulnerable. I feel more people act in a dark way than the opposite so the balance is tough to deal with in society. It's easier to be a horror,and if you have little empathy,which I believe a significant proportion actually don't have, they just pretend, well being an arsehole and not challenging abusive behaviour, that's what most will do.

I watched a few Michael Jackson docs recently. He did all those vile things. Those kids are not lying. He also happens to have been a victim to family and an amazing musician.

You go to the comments section on these programmes online - and I'd say 70% refuse to believe all the evidence and demonise the children who spoke truth about his perversion. Jacko is a great guy in their eyes who just loved sleepovers with kids 🤷🤦.

Society in general feels pretty f*ed. Everyone is in competition, trying to avoid aging etc. It’s all surface level for show. That and not in my back garden attitude and I only water my garden. No one is really connected anymore despite social media making us more connected. It’s so self absorbed and shallow.

I agree with you entirely. It feels like society and humanity is going down the toilet. The beauty industry and it's impact and tentacles reaching everywhere is out of control now. I look at the young girls who appear really inhuman and doll like from all these awful treatments. That is becoming a serious problem.

People living through their phone, social media affirmation and validation. It's gross. I look at online comments when I go on YouTube and many people seem to love the chance to be cruel and unidentifiable.

There's people I know who perform on social media with photos, videos and silly status updates. I find it incredibly unsettling. I don't engage in this but did about 5 years ago before I came off it. I had a recent conversation with a friend telling me about some update from someone we know and I didn't recognise the description of this persons status updates... because it was such a fake false representation compared to who I know in person one on one.

This stuff is getting worse and as Dr Ramani ( my legend) says; social media is the petri dish for those with narcissistic personality types or who are at risk of that. 😭

We're going to hell in a hand basket basically 😆.

I probably sound about 90 years old. I'm 40 something 🤦

I agree with all this. I think seeing how people behaved during COVID really terrified me. I saw how little it would take for anarchy to break out in the streets and people turn on each other. The veneer of civilisation is really much thinner than we think. Neighbours spying on each other, getting righteous about how much they or others were ‘following the rules’, the willingness to prioritise their own wellbeing at the expense of everything else. It was really ugly. Having read Wild Swans years ago, I could see it wouldn’t take much for us to be living in a totalitarian state like that with people informing on each other.
Then all the hatred and venom stirred up by the trans debate, the erosion of women’s rights, the BLM movement stirring up more hatred. Human beings are ugly. I just don’t see life in the same way anymore.

lol I’m 42 also! I think our generation is still ok, but the next is not so good!

I’ve had a feeling for several years that what is the point in life. I’ve always been a people watcher and I watch people going about their lives in this zombie state, I watch the social media updates of those I know in RL to be very different. I don’t get it. Yes I use social media as I have family and friends spread all over the world and it’s easy to reach. But I’m real, you get on social media the same version of me in RL. I’ve always believed this to be my ADHD, I don’t have a mask and I approach everyone with my real face. I think perhaps this is why I’ve got so traumatised. Others seem to live with a false mask. But I’m beginning to like that about myself. I can’t pretend to like someone if I don’t, my face and my brain won’t allow it. So many people I’ve discovered can pretend to like someone and then behind the back they are nasty. This world of make believe is impossible and very traumatic for sensitive folk and neurodiverse folk. @Pleaseshutthefuckup was right and that we must find solace elsewhere and not in people.

Hi all, I haven’t been here for a while as it’s been a bad week with regards to my mother. I haven’t spoken to her for almost 6 weeks but she’s being vile to my sister, saying nasty things about me to my sister, putting on guilt trips alongside using her usual manipulative techniques and it’s draining. She’s being so spiteful.

Why do we deserve this ☹️

Vulnerability is being stamped out of society despite all this nonsense about inclusivity. Have a child with a neurodiversity and you will see this first hand. The school telling me they teach about differences is bollox. Some of the worst kids are NT. My 9 year old is being bullied over her eyebrows by a 10 year old with false lashes and a French manicure. What the hell! She’s begging me to shave them. They are perfect! People are too afraid anymore to show their vulnerability and insecurities, it is no wonder everyone hides themselves behind an image. It’s all going the wrong way.

@Happyfarm I agree, and I’m sorry your child experiences discrimination.

I was listening to the Black Eyed Peas song - “Where is the love?” the other day, and I was thinking that a lot of the lyrics in that song are even more true about society now, over 20 years on. The world is a mess and a lot of people are so horrible now, social media has created a pile-on culture.

I think something happens to us eventually. We have spent our whole life trying to survive around our childhood. What is there without survival? I don’t think we are here to simply survive our childhood. I’ve never thought about the purpose of life before as I’ve always been preoccupied with surviving the people in my life. There has got to be something else
other then just getting through life.

I think a lot of people are just able to enjoy life. I don't believe in a higher purpose. If you have kids that's obviously going to be your purpose for a long time, but I realise a lot of people just keep doing fun things. Going to shows, have a hobby, go on holiday, meet people. A lot of people are able to enjoy something out there. I couldn't say I am one of them as I am still overcoming my cptsd. As soon as people are involved it gets a bit complicated for me because of the training I received as a child. But I'm starting to see how life might be for people without cptsd. They might sleep normally, feel refreshed and are able to do stuff. They get through the lows of life and bounce back.

I am able to enjoy lots of things but like you as soon as people are involved it all gets too complicated. I always wonder how it works. When I see social media posts of groups of girl friends on holidays and hen dos I have no clue how to ever achieve that. I suspect that’s my Neurodivergence in play. It used to fill me with shame but what can I do people confuse me and make me feels things I don’t like. With emotional regulation difficulties it’s just a minefield. People=overwhelm!

It's about connection. As humans we are wired for connection. Everyone has a need to feel connected to others and have intimate (not neccessarily romantic) relationships. For 30 years I claimed to be happy on my own and I sort of was because that was all I could tolerate. Now that my nervous system is healing and I am not in survival mode all the time I am actually bored by myself and crave connection. I do have some good friends and this is going to sound awful, but I acquired them when I was in a terrible state, and I am now curious who I would connect with now that all I want to be is myself and not some version others might like. I am lucky enough in that it looks like I am taking two of my old friends into my 'new life', i.e. neither of them are toxic and we seem to be growing in our own ways and accept one another, but I wonder what kind of other people I might be around and comfortable with in the future. That is if I ever make the leap and get myself out there.

Most of the friends I have made very recently and they are all ND or have ND children. They are very real people. Open to talking about the challenges and the good stuff. I wish I had known myself earlier and not beaten myself up for just being a little different.

This I find really difficult sometimes. I recall if I ever had a boyfriend, the anxiety and fear and then feeling sick and suffocated by them. And if someone ended things I felt like someone just died. I started thinking, why don't other people seem as bad as me - the reaction was severe. I know it's all this. I have NO DOUBT about that now.

I've had nightmares and awoke in terror today. I have the last few days. It's waiting for the next move from the fuckers and feeling really really poorly...and here it is now as I type. We're having an overt display right now of being an incredibly helpful mum. Because I have been yellow rocking the fuck out of her. So this is the response. Sending husband over to do my garden so neighbours all see. In the garden now mowing it. I like him but he is her puppet.

I have booked an appt with a narcissist counsellor this week. I'll let you know how it goes. I am swamped by the god damn fuckers.

I am going to have to communicate boundaries and I don't know how to. Because I'm so weak.

Fuck off springs to mind.
Ive wondered if there is actually a way of using these narcs for your benefit? Might be a bad tactic but I wonder, let them look good and get some use out of them. All along knowing you won’t get a real connection but could you get them doing some chores! 😂

Narcs are going to narc regardless of what we do or don’t do. They always get the image. Is there a way I wonder of having some sort of a relationship with them where we can gain something?

I can manipulate if I have to. But it exhausts me. I prefer a real, normal life 🤦 I just gave her husband great praise and appreciation for the garden.

The huge huge problem here is my son. This is what is causing horrific stress. He'll pop in there as it's a pattern of years doing this. I know that CF has planted photos or has my brother called or mentioned him because last wknd, son says ' when can I see cousins again ' that same day - having not mentioned for months. This is what CF has been doing to me, photos, albums given to me randomly with pics from childhood, texting insane made up stories name dropping him having not mentioned,pathologically lying saying she didn't get texts. Purposely stitching me up with son, so so much. I see it with such clarity I feel physical sick. I'm already really on my knees. I actually think the CF has a camera also facing my drive. She said she was getting one because she hates other neighbours who she bullies now.

I don't want to be on high alert continually. I want her to fuck off and leave me alone tbh. She's anxious because I've shifted dramatically in reaction to her absolute insanity the last 4 weeks. So here it unravels. I want the quickest way possible for her to get bored hence seeking professional bloody advice this week.