Page 9 | I love my husband so much.

SkippityWooBah · 2025-05-09T21:15:20+00:00

There are so many negative threads on here I thought I would start a positive one. Been with my DH since 15 years old, together 25 years. He's gorgeous, kind, funny. Always been faithful. A wonderful father. Really takes care of me, in every way possible. I was lay with him last night and just wondered how I could still love him SO MUCH after 25 years. Of course there have been hard times but we have always got through them together and I'm so grateful for him.

distinctpossibility · 10/05/2025 16:29

Another very happy marriage here, albeit in a low-key, quiet way that might not look like "happiness" to the next person (and that's ok). I love him deeply, like him 99% of the time and we are a team pulling in the same directly.

Key for us is that we put all our resources in one pot (time, money, energy, family support, particular niche skills eg first aid etc) and both draw from that one pot. Much like the NHS, the withdrawal pot is free at the point of use. Unlike the NHS, we regularly check that it's running to budget and working for both of us the majority of the time. If it's not, and we can't decrease our withdrawals (due to eg poor health or a busy time at work, or one of the kids needing support) then we look to increase the inputs, like by outsourcing particular jobs or taking some money from savings for a nice holiday. Anyway, it helps us!

itsoktonotbeokitstrue · 10/05/2025 16:29

When you say something nice to someone else it could make all the difference to their day. When I read this thread I thought how nice, an uplifting thread that’s not man bashing for once.
I love to hear stories of happy people, because actually life has been a bit rubbish for a lot of people since Covid. Lots of people seem withdrawn and sad. So sending best wishes for many happy years to all of us who love our husbands and have some joy in life!!

CautiousLurker01 · 10/05/2025 16:37

distinctpossibility · 10/05/2025 16:29

Another very happy marriage here, albeit in a low-key, quiet way that might not look like "happiness" to the next person (and that's ok). I love him deeply, like him 99% of the time and we are a team pulling in the same directly.

Key for us is that we put all our resources in one pot (time, money, energy, family support, particular niche skills eg first aid etc) and both draw from that one pot. Much like the NHS, the withdrawal pot is free at the point of use. Unlike the NHS, we regularly check that it's running to budget and working for both of us the majority of the time. If it's not, and we can't decrease our withdrawals (due to eg poor health or a busy time at work, or one of the kids needing support) then we look to increase the inputs, like by outsourcing particular jobs or taking some money from savings for a nice holiday. Anyway, it helps us!

Love this description! The shared pot, free at the point of withdrawal is perfect.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 10/05/2025 17:02

KaleQueen · 10/05/2025 16:20

where did I say you’re not allowed?
you’re obviously allowed.

and if your happiness makes someone else feel a bit more shit about their lives then that’s their issue not yours.

all just seems a bit smug and pointless to me but hey that’s my opinion (which I am allowed) 😀

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Just a general Mumsnet thing.

As soon as you mention your marriage being happy, you're either smug, lying or defensive.

OutsideLookingOut · 10/05/2025 17:28

CautiousLurker01 · 10/05/2025 14:17

I gave up a city career because our children needed it and we neither of us had family local to help us. He stepped up and made sure we are financially secure so the children have what they need. Because we agreed that when we had children their needs would be our primary consideration. Because we had shared values and goals. He didn’t, like many of the MN men posted about, decide it was all too much and leave for a younger woman. He stuck it out because he valued our marriage and our children. Many on this thread seem to have DHs/DPs who share values with them.

My personal value isn’t in the career I lost (I have picked up 3 degrees and plan to return to full time work in academia next year as a result of his support for me in recent years in juggling studying with the kids); it’s about being a team and playing to each others strengths where the family commitments require you to put your children's needs above your own desires for a time. My DH would have loved to work fewer hours, change jobs to do something less demanding and at times his mental and physical health has suffered, but he’s prioritised the children.

Others also juggle this - for them it may be mum working FT and relying on DGPs to help, it comes in many forms. But the point of my PP was that we talk about our concerns and worries, share values and work it out between us as equal partners in our marriage.

Edited

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Like I said you have a relationship that works for you and you both sound great to me! I think you are right about values. I still however think it is hard for women who have a calling for a career or would take care of their family by financial means to find a man to balance her.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 10/05/2025 17:43

OutsideLookingOut · 10/05/2025 17:28

Like I said you have a relationship that works for you and you both sound great to me! I think you are right about values. I still however think it is hard for women who have a calling for a career or would take care of their family by financial means to find a man to balance her.

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I work with lots of women who have very good husbands like that. It's not as rare as you think.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 10/05/2025 17:49

@CinnamonJellyBeans · Today 11:50

OP: I'm not really sure what you're trying to achieve by starting this thread.
Your thread doesn't impart any wisdom or even offer advice.
It's just a statement, like: "I really enjoyed my jam, because it is red. I like the colour red. If you also like the colour red and you eat jam, then you are similarly fortunate".
Absolutely pointless.

I bet you wouldn't go and post this on a thread celebrating how amaaazing it is being single. 🙄

Go on, I dare you.

Also, as has been said, people are free to start threads on whatever subject matter they wish. Just as you are free to scroll on by and not open the thread! Like a pp said, many posters on here are enjoying this thread.

KaleQueen · 10/05/2025 19:22

”There are so many negative threads on here…”

There’s a reason for that. The person who
starts a ‘negative’ thread is going through something not great.

It’s not them being ‘negative’.

So this thread is basically saying ‘yeah sick of hearing about your troubles. Think
I’ll post about my perfect relationship as balance’.

Might pop onto the divorce and separation thread now and let them know about my no hassle quickie divorce in 2008. That’ll cheer them up.

edited to add obviously you can post anything anywhere, but it was sad to see people jump on someone who dared to say anything negative about her own sad situation early on. Why not just post this thread in general chat instead? It’s just all a bit sad and weird knowing someone has sat and read about others misery and deciding to post about their happiness as ‘balance’.

LemonCake91 · 10/05/2025 20:28

bluesinthenight · 10/05/2025 13:44

Many people think this way about their dogs.

This thread hasn't really enlightened me about how men and women can look after each other. It's just really generalised comments about being "happy". Well, none of us is happy all the time and the devil is in the detail. Relationships can be very hard so for me I am interested to know how partners navigate and resolve arguements; how you ensure that domestic labour is shared 50:50 etc. Without stuff like that I could never be really happy.

And I would love to hear from the men about how they commit themselves to being allies to women and how they make the world better and safer for all women by educating and challenging the men who don't.

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Do you think that’s just overcomplicating things?

Strong relationships are built on team work, trust and good communication. It doesn’t mean it’s all sunshine and roses or there are no disagreements but when a couple has each others best interests at heart, it’s easy. I can hand on heart say that I cannot remember the last argument we have had. We communicate constantly and everything is up for discussion. We work as a team so it isn’t always “equal” or 50:50. Some days, I need to do more and on others, DH does more. I also think you just learn about each others strengths and weaknesses and lean into those. I’m a terrible cook but DH is brilliant. He works earlier shifts so I do the breakfast, etc.

Orangesinthebag · 10/05/2025 23:00

KaleQueen · 10/05/2025 19:22

”There are so many negative threads on here…”

There’s a reason for that. The person who
starts a ‘negative’ thread is going through something not great.

It’s not them being ‘negative’.

So this thread is basically saying ‘yeah sick of hearing about your troubles. Think
I’ll post about my perfect relationship as balance’.

Might pop onto the divorce and separation thread now and let them know about my no hassle quickie divorce in 2008. That’ll cheer them up.

edited to add obviously you can post anything anywhere, but it was sad to see people jump on someone who dared to say anything negative about her own sad situation early on. Why not just post this thread in general chat instead? It’s just all a bit sad and weird knowing someone has sat and read about others misery and deciding to post about their happiness as ‘balance’.

Edited

I agree,. I don't think this relationships board is the place for this kind of thread.

But of course that makes me bitter....🙄

toottoot3 · 11/05/2025 10:18

@Orangesinthebag
But it's a relationship board? I have commented saying I'm happy and in love with my husband, I also said it's not been easy, you can be in love and still have trauma, illness, worries, hardship. Most people go into marriage expecting happiness with their partner and love, it's ok to have that, it Doesn't take anything away from those who don't? It's not rubbing anyone's nose saying you love your partner.
I wouldn't call you bitter, if you were unhappy in your relationship, I would reply to to your message with some hopefully helpful advise and compassion. It's obviously touched a nerve with those who are unhappy and that's a real shame, but that is not those who are in loves fault?
It's not the same as boasting about money on a frugal thread
Love, to others and especially yourself is on the hierarchy of needs, before self esteem and actualisation ,unless that's fulfilled you cannot move forward.

itsoktonotbeokitstrue · 11/05/2025 10:28

lol if you don’t like it why read it. Honestly, like I have been through so much the last few years and my husband has been my rock.
So why can’t I share how much I love him and how he is my everything.
There is too much me me me in society. Everyone is going through their own problems.
Nobody on here is shoving happiness in sad people’s faces. If that’s so, stop shoving your negativity in mine.
I think we have all lost touch in how to care for each other.
” I feel bad because you are happy so I will bring you down. “
kinda bullying mentality isn’t it?
How about it’s great to see some positive happy relationships that have made it. Maybe this thread will give women hope to find their person?
Please try to see the lighter side and best side of life and stop trying to bring others down.

Orangesinthebag · 11/05/2025 10:53

toottoot3 · 11/05/2025 10:18

@Orangesinthebag
But it's a relationship board? I have commented saying I'm happy and in love with my husband, I also said it's not been easy, you can be in love and still have trauma, illness, worries, hardship. Most people go into marriage expecting happiness with their partner and love, it's ok to have that, it Doesn't take anything away from those who don't? It's not rubbing anyone's nose saying you love your partner.
I wouldn't call you bitter, if you were unhappy in your relationship, I would reply to to your message with some hopefully helpful advise and compassion. It's obviously touched a nerve with those who are unhappy and that's a real shame, but that is not those who are in loves fault?
It's not the same as boasting about money on a frugal thread
Love, to others and especially yourself is on the hierarchy of needs, before self esteem and actualisation ,unless that's fulfilled you cannot move forward.

I do get your point and it is great when people talk about how they have overcome difficulties and mended a relationship or have found love again.

There is just something about this thread that is a bit OTT though but, as I say, I do accept your point & I hope it is a thread that is helpful to some.

KaleQueen · 11/05/2025 10:56

I read it because it’s interesting. I found it fascinating that someone’s brain thought ‘it’s all too miserable on this relationship thread reading about other people’s problems. I can see that most of the posters are coming here desperately seeking advice, many having their worlds blown apart in just one day by the man they thought had loved them. I’m sick of all of this negativity so I’m going to start a thread saying I have an amazing husband’. I personally find that thought process just really interesting.

I would have scrolled on by if I hadn’t seen the mean girls jump on a poster early doors who shared a really sad story about how she used to have the perfect husband until he blew her world apart. She was hounded for bringing all the happiness down. I think the phrase used was ‘pissing all over’ the happy thread. Now that was ‘bullying’. Go back, have a read. I nearly cried for her.

ShamrockShenanigans · 11/05/2025 11:07

KaleQueen · 11/05/2025 10:56

I read it because it’s interesting. I found it fascinating that someone’s brain thought ‘it’s all too miserable on this relationship thread reading about other people’s problems. I can see that most of the posters are coming here desperately seeking advice, many having their worlds blown apart in just one day by the man they thought had loved them. I’m sick of all of this negativity so I’m going to start a thread saying I have an amazing husband’. I personally find that thought process just really interesting.

I would have scrolled on by if I hadn’t seen the mean girls jump on a poster early doors who shared a really sad story about how she used to have the perfect husband until he blew her world apart. She was hounded for bringing all the happiness down. I think the phrase used was ‘pissing all over’ the happy thread. Now that was ‘bullying’. Go back, have a read. I nearly cried for her.

Edited

As sad as it was, she deliberately picked this thread to put it on, almost as if to bring all the happy posters down a peg or two.

I wouldn't pick a thread where the mother of a newborn was ecstatically happy, to talk about stillbirth.

Nor would I pick a thread where someone was looking forward to their holiday abroad, to tell them I'd nearly lost my life in a plane crash.

There's a time and a place.

That poster was entitled to post what she did, and others were entitled to reply with what they did.

Treesinthewind · 11/05/2025 19:05

CrazyHormoneLady · 10/05/2025 11:59

I split with my partner of 11 years in Jan after years of struggling along with his addiction problems. This thread is a lovely read! My feelings about my failed relationship are my responsibility and other people should be able to celebrate their successes openly without feeling guilty. I'm so glad there are truly happy couples out there ❤️

Congratulations on making such a difficult decision. I know how hard it is, but you are going to feel so much freedom now.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 11/05/2025 20:05

ShamrockShenanigans · 11/05/2025 11:07

As sad as it was, she deliberately picked this thread to put it on, almost as if to bring all the happy posters down a peg or two.

I wouldn't pick a thread where the mother of a newborn was ecstatically happy, to talk about stillbirth.

Nor would I pick a thread where someone was looking forward to their holiday abroad, to tell them I'd nearly lost my life in a plane crash.

There's a time and a place.

That poster was entitled to post what she did, and others were entitled to reply with what they did.

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Exactly this. That poster is quite free to go and start a thread about her bad experience with men, and leave the 'I love my husband' posters to their positive and happy posting.

Blowing out someone else's candle doesn't make yours shine any brighter. 🕯

Deathraystare · 12/05/2025 19:19

ShamrockShenanigans · 10/05/2025 12:05

And would you cover yourself in baby oil first? 😁

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Oooooh!

Worriedforafriendsad · 15/05/2025 23:49

You've been very lucky op, and it seems like you appreciate it

Original poster

SkippityWooBah · 16/05/2025 13:58

Worriedforafriendsad · 15/05/2025 23:49

You've been very lucky op, and it seems like you appreciate it

The funny thing is, I haven't. In love maybe but in other aspects its been a really difficult life and I can guarantee that anyone calling me smug wouldnt want to trade situations if they knew the other stuff happening in my life. I can celebrate the one stable thing I've been blessed with in 40 years.

OP posts:

BunnyLake · 16/05/2025 14:05

My love life has been a catalogue of failures, high stress and disappointments but I like to read or hear about people having truly happy and loving relationships, and also seeing my friends have amazing, happy marriages that have lasted decades. I’ve given up on relationships altogether now, am very happy with my decision but I would have loved to have had a long and happy life with a ‘perfect for me’ partner.

lifeonmars100 · 16/05/2025 16:50

BunnyLake · 16/05/2025 14:05

My love life has been a catalogue of failures, high stress and disappointments but I like to read or hear about people having truly happy and loving relationships, and also seeing my friends have amazing, happy marriages that have lasted decades. I’ve given up on relationships altogether now, am very happy with my decision but I would have loved to have had a long and happy life with a ‘perfect for me’ partner.

You have expressed exactly how I feel.

Lilactimes · 31/05/2025 09:02

lifeonmars100 · 16/05/2025 16:50

You have expressed exactly how I feel.

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Yes me too.
I’ve now been single for 21 years 😬 - not necessarily unhappily - I’ve had a lot of peace and joy and friendships - but I love this thread.
It’s given me faith! X