I love my husband so much.

[SkippityWooBah]

There are so many negative threads on here I thought I would start a positive one.

Been with my DH since 15 years old, together 25 years. He's gorgeous, kind, funny. Always been faithful. A wonderful father. Really takes care of me, in every way possible.

I was lay with him last night and just wondered how I could still love him SO MUCH after 25 years.

Of course there have been hard times but we have always got through them together and I'm so grateful for him.

Many people think this way about their dogs.

This thread hasn't really enlightened me about how men and women can look after each other. It's just really generalised comments about being "happy". Well, none of us is happy all the time and the devil is in the detail. Relationships can be very hard so for me I am interested to know how partners navigate and resolve arguements; how you ensure that domestic labour is shared 50:50 etc. Without stuff like that I could never be really happy.

And I would love to hear from the men about how they commit themselves to being allies to women and how they make the world better and safer for all women by educating and challenging the men who don't.

34 years married. Together since I was 18.

I still get flutters when I look at him. I adore him and he shows how much he loves me all the time.

I am an incredibly lucky woman.

I think some people clicked the thread after seeing the title and were looking for a BUT… but he left me, but he’s an alcoholic, but he’s having an affair.

Doom scrollers looking for posts that affirm their view of life. I’m afraid I came to MN for support, to find others in similar shoes - but I never expected to have my thoughts entirely reflected back at me. I’ve learned a lot, met some interesting women, expanded - and yes, even changed - my views on some issues because I encountered different perspectives.

Am a total feminist, very GC and aware from personal experience that SOME men are predatory, violent, sexually and emotionally abusive bastards. But I am the mum to a DD who took on board the idea of ‘all men are evil’ and wanted to reject being female; mum to one of the loveliest and most caring DS’s; and a DH who, though as capable as I am of insensitive fuckwittery, is a bloody good bloke. I won’t stand for misandry any more than I will stand for misogyny. One feeds the other, and gives rise to the Tates of this world: it needs to stop.

This thread is a breath of fresh air, especially after the ‘I’m a 26yo PhD student [ergo very superior, yah] and think women who marry are idiots’ thread.

That'd make an interesting thread if you wanted to start a separate one.

I'm not sure anyone's going to bother going into such fine, specific details here on this one, but I could be wrong of course.

Well, if what you want is some specifics:

• I had a job interview recently and he gave me a pep talk about everything I'd bring to the role. He also looked over the case study I had to write for it for me.
• He's taking the kids out today because I'm a bit under the weather.
• He actively encourages me to do things which make me feel happy and fulfilled, like go away on my own, see my friends, pursue my hobbies.
• He tells me how smart and sexy and great I am and how much he loves me.
• He does 50% of pick ups, drop offs, kid activities, laundry, general house shit and 90% of the cooking.
• He's really fun to talk to and he makes me laugh.

Sometimes I really hate my DH thrn I come here and read about who else I could be married to and I decide hes not that bad after all!!

Thank you. Why do you think this makes you lucky? Don't you think this is all just normal stuff that we should all expect as a matter of course?

I love my husband more and more, time passing doesn’t change anything other than us aging. One day our kids will leave and I know we will be together getting older sitting in the front room having a cup of tea.
When I’m not with him there’s something missing, I genuinely just enjoy his presence, his smile, his voice, he’s just lovely and we work everything out together. 22 years and counting….

Maybe not demanding everything is 50:50 is part of the secret! We’ve never done anything 50:50! Finance, domestic chores, DIY, driving, car maintenance, child care etc., never 50:50. We just use our time and skills to get all things done. We are a team - teams work to their strengths (no one expects a goalkeeper to score goals or a striker to save a penalty).

Well, first of all, I never said that I was lucky. But yes, I think there's a degree of good fortune in meeting someone who makes your life better and continues to make your life better for the long term, because not everyone does ultimately have that. Just as I'm lucky to have been born where I was and not into, say, a shanty town in a war zone. Everyone should get a safe, secure start to life but not everyone does, and gratitude is a hugely beneficial habit. And insofar as I consider myself lucky, I consider DH lucky to have me too.

I don't have a great relationship with my DPs. Other people do. That's great for them. I don't see why they shouldn't consider themselves lucky, even though everyone should expect, as a matter of course, to have great, supportive DPs.

Been with my husband for 35 years, married for 30. Two kids, we’ve had hard times and he sometimes drives me mad, but he’s my rock, my best friend and I’m his. He still
makes me roar with laughter when the kids are rolling their eyes. Trust him completely and love him to bits.

That’s very transactional? No my DH and I don’t split the housework 50:50. He works 14 hours days is on call 24/7/365 and works weekends/evenings/during holidays as demanded. I am a FT student, ‘SAHM’, but have run a part time child care business and been raising 2 SEN kids with high social and psychological needs meaning I was never able to return to work. Due to where his work is, we are not local to any family, so everything is down to us.

He works hard to maintain job security and a very decent income so that he can pay for the assessments, psychotherapy, past private schooling etc and I can press on getting the kids the support they need without worrying how we’ll pay for it. He has always pitched in with housework when needed, just as I will stick the mower over the lawn to save him the job. I make him do the bins in the winter not because he’s a bloke but because I hate slugs/snails/woodlice etc. I do most of the decorating/property development, he maintains/cleans our cars. I volunteered with scouts/brownies; he volunteered as a cricket coach. On balance I do more kid/house related stuff but we don’t keep a tally. I’d have loved to go back to work to take the pressure off him and have my ‘own’ money, but I couldn’t due to the kids, so he works. But his money is our money. He doesn’t resent the fact that he shares it. He knows he is able to do the job he does, the way he does, because I am the primary for the children.

I think as soon as you start having to break a relationship down to household chore lists and watching who eats more of the grocery shopping or who pays the most, who does the school runs etc, the relationship is already floundering.

Ahhh I feel the same about my DH @SkippityWooBah - also remember the early days where I was just bowled over by how much I loved him. I still feel the same - the years, the kids, and all that we've shared have just made it even better. I do feel lucky.

I've not heard that on MN.. sex pest because you still fancy your partner 🤣 hardly!

It is great that works for you but can't you that for many others it would not? Women who have busy careers for example. On average men do not pull their weight in the household so if they are both working hard outside the home and she is expected to do more inside the home resentment naturally builds up. Women should not be expected to be entirely selfless. It is fine to want equity - but that differs per relationship. Also most men are very transactional, I think women are waking up and seeing their value so are less willing to out up with poor treatment.

lol @bnmshortcut I hear you re: socks in the washing basket. DH leaves his clothes in another room as he often comes to bed later than me, I put a laundry basket in there for him, the socks still get left next to it.... however he's wonderful in other respects and I am sure I have my own annoying habits!

Well I chose a woman, which helped!

Oh, FFS. I knew someone would come along to rain on the parade.
Can there not just be one post that is dedicated to beautiful unions without the "But, what about me" brigade?!

I gave up a city career because our children needed it and we neither of us had family local to help us. He stepped up and made sure we are financially secure so the children have what they need. Because we agreed that when we had children their needs would be our primary consideration. Because we had shared values and goals. He didn’t, like many of the MN men posted about, decide it was all too much and leave for a younger woman. He stuck it out because he valued our marriage and our children. Many on this thread seem to have DHs/DPs who share values with them.

My personal value isn’t in the career I lost (I have picked up 3 degrees and plan to return to full time work in academia next year as a result of his support for me in recent years in juggling studying with the kids); it’s about being a team and playing to each others strengths where the family commitments require you to put your children's needs above your own desires for a time. My DH would have loved to work fewer hours, change jobs to do something less demanding and at times his mental and physical health has suffered, but he’s prioritised the children.

Others also juggle this - for them it may be mum working FT and relying on DGPs to help, it comes in many forms. But the point of my PP was that we talk about our concerns and worries, share values and work it out between us as equal partners in our marriage.

I don't believe there is just one "the one".
I guess I am pragmatic. I have met other men who were attractive and if I had been single could also have been long term relationship material. But I was already committed.

I think that shared values, mutual respect, and compatibility go an awfully long way towards a successful LTR. That, plus proper commitment that, having made this decision and thrown our lives together we will bloody well work WITH each other to make it work.

That, and not keeping score too much especially when the kids are little - but also, not taking the piss. By which I mean coming back to being a team. It's not about ensuring that each of you does exactly 50:50. I have always done more kid stuff and life admin. In return I work fewer paid hours. I think I have the better deal there, and he thinks he has, so we are both content. However we both muck in at home when stuff needs doing - like a wash putting on or vomit cleaning up or whatever.

We aren't passionately and desperately in love. But we are profoundly in love, and that feels like comfy slippers or a warm blanket.

Fucking hell...I've had horrendous relationships and am happily 7 years single and celibate, but luckily, I'm not so bitter and jaded that I begrudge other people's happiness.
I love seeing people do well and happy within their relationships and good on all those who have posted here celebrating their love.
Nothing smug about being happy.

For the poster who wants to know why my husband is a great partner

He supported me and my toddler son financially (his stepson by blood but his son in every emotional tie) while I was finishing university.

We only had one car - he would get up at 6, get ready and take my son to kindy on his way to work. I left at the same time but needed to get a bus and a train to get to my work. He would finish work earlier than I did, so he would collect my son, get home, start on dinner preparations and come to meet my train so I didn't have to get a bus home.

He never, ever stopped me from studying or going for jobs. He always supported me in any way he could. Never stopped me from having my own friends or try to control me as a woman in any way.

When our youngest was born with a chronical health condition, he took as much time off and spent as many nights in hospital as I did. When the situation got really difficult to manage, both of us had managerial jobs at that stage, he asked me if I wanted him to quit his job. He never, ever asked me to quit mine.

He cooks, cleans, does most of the garden and tidies around the house. Years ago, when he saw me ironing his shirts (he hates ironing) in the evening he told me "enough of this". From then on, he took his business shirts and tailored pants to a dry cleaner.

He's been the only person I trust. Not because he's my DH but because in 40 years of dealing with difficult situations, like it happens in most marriages, he's demonstrated his integrity every single day.

I was pleased to see this thread.
After all the usual threads complaining partner gets more free time/time alone in the house/works from home and gets on their nerves etc.

The worst are those about when one of them (usually the woman) wants a baby and partner doesn't...so she is encouraged to leave him and find someone else to procreate with. As if the current partner doesn't mean anything to her if he won't agree to a baby.

No mention of love anywhere.

I like to hear when couples love each other even more after years together. I’ve never been lucky in that department and end up loathing the person. If I could live my life again , with hindsight, I would make very different choices regarding men.

@Alondra That is lovely. I think you used a very important word in your post, and that is integrity. Without that no relationship can survive happily.