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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I love my husband so much.

223 replies

SkippityWooBah · 09/05/2025 22:15

There are so many negative threads on here I thought I would start a positive one.

Been with my DH since 15 years old, together 25 years. He's gorgeous, kind, funny. Always been faithful. A wonderful father. Really takes care of me, in every way possible.

I was lay with him last night and just wondered how I could still love him SO MUCH after 25 years.

Of course there have been hard times but we have always got through them together and I'm so grateful for him.

OP posts:
gillefc82 · 10/05/2025 14:33

@WhatAwonderdulLife For me it was how well the conversation and banter flowed between us and how immediately easy and comfortable it felt being around him.

We met at his twin cousin’s 30th birthday party that coincided with the 2010 World Cup and they had the England v USA match up on a big screen in their garden. My bestie had asked me to go along with her as her sister was dating one of the twins at the time and is rubbish at introducing you or just wandering off, so she knew she’d end up left alone in the corner with no one to talk to otherwise. I nearly didn’t go as was hungover from an Ian Brown gig the night before and bizarrely, DH was originally scheduled to work that night but managed to get his shift changed last minute to attend.

After some flirty banter at half time where I schooled him with my superior football knowledge and left him in stunned silence, as well as other good conversations throughout the night, the party was winding down and I was struggling to get a taxi.

He promised he could sort me one out to be there within 30 mins, which he duly did and offered to wait with me on the corner outside for it to arrive. He then tripped and fell head first into a bush, that I had to pull him out of (he still maintains there was a lump/bump in the pavement that he didn’t see in the dark - there wasn’t!) and after having a bloody good laugh, we had our first kiss.

He invited me back to his flat on the promise of vodka (which BTW never materialised), and, very uncharacteristically for me, I ended up staying the night. We then spent the whole of the next day together and the strangest (and best) part was how immediately comfortable and easy it felt.

I lived 200 miles away at the time so although we’d swapped numbers and loosely talked about meeting up again the next time I was back home for the weekend, I fully expected that to be that. But surprisingly, we got into the habit of regularly texting and chatting and then started taking turns driving back and forth every weekend to see each other. This went on for over 8 months, until I was able to officially change my work location to one in the North West and we moved in together.

Bizarrely, it turns out we had loads of other connections between us that we’d never known:

  • one of my best school friends worked with him and my MIL at the local Kwiksave that I went to often
  • I knew his step sister and step brother from school (he attended another local high school)
  • we were having nights out at the same bars, pubs, clubs etc in our town during the same time period but apparently never came across each other, even weirder as some of my friend group then included lads who were also close friends of his aforementioned step brother and DH would occasionally go out to town with them
  • Dh’s Grandad had a much younger brother and during the 70s/80s his GDad’s bro was on the same football team as my Dad, they drank in the same pub and him and his wife are a part of my parent’s friendship group. I now see them at loads of DH’s extended family parties and apparently they had attended other events (weddings, christenings, big birthdays) in the past that my family had been at. DH has such a close family, and always invite cousins, second cousins etc etc to any dos so who knows if our paths had crossed at one of those events many years before!

It’s a bit sad this thread is now getting some backlash. I don’t think anyone posting on here is being smug or gloating but actually just taking a quick beat to reflect on the happiness their relationship brings them. It so easy to forge ahead just trying to get through life, with all the noises, demands, stresses etc and forget to take the time to see and appreciate the little things that really matter.

Gymmum82 · 10/05/2025 14:35

Together 17 years. Married for 13. He’s not perfect but neither am I. He’s a good dad. A good husband. I do love him.
I look at my friends some of whom have gotten divorced and think I am lucky really. I definitely could do a lot worse and I look at my friends who are dating and I definitely don’t want to do that again.

I don’t think long term marriage is a fairytale where you’ll always be happy and in love and fancy each other. It waxes and wanes. Good times and bad. But for the most part it’s good which is good enough

Escapingagain · 10/05/2025 14:36

This is lovely! I was married for a long time but I think I outgrew him. He was my comfortable place but it wasn’t enough and there were other issues. Those of you who have been with your first love and grown together is good to see. I have a lovely man in my life and feel he could be my one we will see! I feel very lucky to have found him!

CautiousLurker01 · 10/05/2025 14:45

Escapingagain · 10/05/2025 14:36

This is lovely! I was married for a long time but I think I outgrew him. He was my comfortable place but it wasn’t enough and there were other issues. Those of you who have been with your first love and grown together is good to see. I have a lovely man in my life and feel he could be my one we will see! I feel very lucky to have found him!

I think the ‘growing together’ thing is important. We live so long and have such stressful and changing lives that I can see why so many ‘grow apart’.

My Grandmother married 5 times (one was a remarriage) because she had 4 children in a time when being a divorcee or single mother was just not supported. She met the love of her life (DH no 4/marriage 5) in her early sixties and they were married for nearly 20 years when he passed. He was her true soulmate and made her incredibly happy. She once commented that she had to experienced the first 3 husbands not only to have the children she did, but so that she would be ready to recognise her soulmate when she met him. She stopped regretting her earlier relationships once she married him - they were, in her eyes, all part of the preparation for ‘the one’. She never lost hope and she was sincerely and deeply loved.

MaidOfSteel · 10/05/2025 14:45

I’m still crackers about my husband, too, OP. We’ve been together 18 years and we adore each other. I always thank my lucky stars when I read posts on here from women not so fortunate. I’m in my 50s but feel like a loved up teenager!

MyDeftDuck · 10/05/2025 14:50

You remind me of someone I used to work with…….she was newly wed and her husband had been put onto the night shift. She was distraught that she was having to sleep alone….when the rest of the office pointed out that some of us had been doing that for years she simply said “well, I love him SO much more than you do your husbands’! Ridiculous!!!!!!

Mumofsoontobe3 · 10/05/2025 14:50

I love my DH. 10 years going strong, not without life’s own hardship and 3 wonderful kids later. He is my soulmate and I’m grateful everyday he is the father to my children.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 10/05/2025 15:06

jealy · 09/05/2025 22:48

So many of you met when you were young. That first love is so special, I wonder to this day about mine that got away.

I still occasionally speak to mine, we have many mutual friends and so I know what kind of a man he turned into.

He's still a very nice guy, but I know I'd be miserable because his lifestyle is not what I'd want for my life.

We split up amicably having acknowledged we'd grown apart and remained friends throughout uni and such. But I'm glad I don't have that wondering, cos he was the best first boyfriend you could ask for (and my mum was very happy it was him and not the stoner I'd had my eye on for a bit 😂).

Editing to add (cos I forgot) I also love my DH and our life. He's a great guy and seeing some of my friends and so many posts on here I'm so lucky to have found him!

ParsnipPuree · 10/05/2025 15:21

CautiousLurker01 · 10/05/2025 14:45

I think the ‘growing together’ thing is important. We live so long and have such stressful and changing lives that I can see why so many ‘grow apart’.

My Grandmother married 5 times (one was a remarriage) because she had 4 children in a time when being a divorcee or single mother was just not supported. She met the love of her life (DH no 4/marriage 5) in her early sixties and they were married for nearly 20 years when he passed. He was her true soulmate and made her incredibly happy. She once commented that she had to experienced the first 3 husbands not only to have the children she did, but so that she would be ready to recognise her soulmate when she met him. She stopped regretting her earlier relationships once she married him - they were, in her eyes, all part of the preparation for ‘the one’. She never lost hope and she was sincerely and deeply loved.

Thank you so much for this. It’s a lovely positive way to look at things. I got it right second time but torment myself that I got it so wrong before and my kids suffered. I’ll try and change my mindset!

CalleOcho · 10/05/2025 15:25

GreenwayHouse · 09/05/2025 22:54

You are very lucky, OP. I loved my ex partner but he still left me and is now being a bastard over the finances. I’ve been feeling wretched. It’s good to see a positive post but spare a thought for those of us who aren’t so lucky.

Fuck me, this reminds me of the “Show me your engagement ring thread” and someone was complaining about the OP not thinking of the single or divorced people 🙄

KaleQueen · 10/05/2025 15:30

Is it really a ‘counter balance’ though? Many people will read this and feel even more crap about their own relationships.

It’s like jumping on the weight loss board and saying ‘im so sick of hearing about people battling with their weight. Let’s have some good stories instead. I’m a perfect size 8 have been for years I eat like a horse I’m just so lucky. Anyone else?’

ShamrockShenanigans · 10/05/2025 15:32

CalleOcho · 10/05/2025 15:25

Fuck me, this reminds me of the “Show me your engagement ring thread” and someone was complaining about the OP not thinking of the single or divorced people 🙄

Or the 'Show me your Christmas fridge' thread where a small minority will come on and tell everyone off for 'boasting' when there are poor people who can't join in.

I swear they look forward all year to just pissing all over that thread, instead of hiding it or just not opening it.

ShamrockShenanigans · 10/05/2025 15:34

KaleQueen · 10/05/2025 15:30

Is it really a ‘counter balance’ though? Many people will read this and feel even more crap about their own relationships.

It’s like jumping on the weight loss board and saying ‘im so sick of hearing about people battling with their weight. Let’s have some good stories instead. I’m a perfect size 8 have been for years I eat like a horse I’m just so lucky. Anyone else?’

It’s like jumping on the weight loss board and saying ‘im so sick of hearing about people battling with their weight. Let’s have some good stories instead. I’m a perfect size 8 have been for years I eat like a horse I’m just so lucky. Anyone else?’

Except this is called the 'Relationships' topic.

Not the 'Bad Relationships' topic?

Fgfgfg · 10/05/2025 15:37

Augustus40 · 10/05/2025 12:14

Sorry I find men do not age well at all. Once past 50 they look awful with few exceptions. Women look like they are dating their dad.

Just my view. I simply do not find white or grey hair remotely attractive. Not meant to offend anybody.

Not wanting to derail this lovely thread but there's a certain Harold Shipman look that some men develop as they age.

Housofgirls · 10/05/2025 15:54

Same here i met my husband when I was 15 been together almost 24 years and married for 21 years. We have 4 amazing daughters 3 are now adults and our miracle baby is now 8.

I absolutely adore this man we have had our ups and downs but he is still the one. The last 4 weeks have been incredibly hard he has taken ill and is currently in hospital, he was diagnosed with high grade lymphoma last week and intensive chemotherapy started yesterday. I have everything crossed that we can get through this.

Fgfgfg · 10/05/2025 15:57

bluesinthenight · 10/05/2025 13:44

Many people think this way about their dogs.

This thread hasn't really enlightened me about how men and women can look after each other. It's just really generalised comments about being "happy". Well, none of us is happy all the time and the devil is in the detail. Relationships can be very hard so for me I am interested to know how partners navigate and resolve arguements; how you ensure that domestic labour is shared 50:50 etc. Without stuff like that I could never be really happy.

And I would love to hear from the men about how they commit themselves to being allies to women and how they make the world better and safer for all women by educating and challenging the men who don't.

My DP financially supported me to get a Masters and a career. 20 years later he developed health problems so it was my turn to support him and he gave up work about 8 years ago. He's always done all the cleaning because his mum trained him and his brother very well (I haven't hoovered for years) and I do washing, shopping and most of the cooking. Now he's at home he tries to do more but his health isn't always the best so he does what he can. We're not perfect and have had problems but I think because we still want to be together we muddle through and work things out.

WhatAwonderdulLife · 10/05/2025 15:58

gillefc82 · 10/05/2025 14:33

@WhatAwonderdulLife For me it was how well the conversation and banter flowed between us and how immediately easy and comfortable it felt being around him.

We met at his twin cousin’s 30th birthday party that coincided with the 2010 World Cup and they had the England v USA match up on a big screen in their garden. My bestie had asked me to go along with her as her sister was dating one of the twins at the time and is rubbish at introducing you or just wandering off, so she knew she’d end up left alone in the corner with no one to talk to otherwise. I nearly didn’t go as was hungover from an Ian Brown gig the night before and bizarrely, DH was originally scheduled to work that night but managed to get his shift changed last minute to attend.

After some flirty banter at half time where I schooled him with my superior football knowledge and left him in stunned silence, as well as other good conversations throughout the night, the party was winding down and I was struggling to get a taxi.

He promised he could sort me one out to be there within 30 mins, which he duly did and offered to wait with me on the corner outside for it to arrive. He then tripped and fell head first into a bush, that I had to pull him out of (he still maintains there was a lump/bump in the pavement that he didn’t see in the dark - there wasn’t!) and after having a bloody good laugh, we had our first kiss.

He invited me back to his flat on the promise of vodka (which BTW never materialised), and, very uncharacteristically for me, I ended up staying the night. We then spent the whole of the next day together and the strangest (and best) part was how immediately comfortable and easy it felt.

I lived 200 miles away at the time so although we’d swapped numbers and loosely talked about meeting up again the next time I was back home for the weekend, I fully expected that to be that. But surprisingly, we got into the habit of regularly texting and chatting and then started taking turns driving back and forth every weekend to see each other. This went on for over 8 months, until I was able to officially change my work location to one in the North West and we moved in together.

Bizarrely, it turns out we had loads of other connections between us that we’d never known:

  • one of my best school friends worked with him and my MIL at the local Kwiksave that I went to often
  • I knew his step sister and step brother from school (he attended another local high school)
  • we were having nights out at the same bars, pubs, clubs etc in our town during the same time period but apparently never came across each other, even weirder as some of my friend group then included lads who were also close friends of his aforementioned step brother and DH would occasionally go out to town with them
  • Dh’s Grandad had a much younger brother and during the 70s/80s his GDad’s bro was on the same football team as my Dad, they drank in the same pub and him and his wife are a part of my parent’s friendship group. I now see them at loads of DH’s extended family parties and apparently they had attended other events (weddings, christenings, big birthdays) in the past that my family had been at. DH has such a close family, and always invite cousins, second cousins etc etc to any dos so who knows if our paths had crossed at one of those events many years before!

It’s a bit sad this thread is now getting some backlash. I don’t think anyone posting on here is being smug or gloating but actually just taking a quick beat to reflect on the happiness their relationship brings them. It so easy to forge ahead just trying to get through life, with all the noises, demands, stresses etc and forget to take the time to see and appreciate the little things that really matter.

Problem with MN and other platforms are there are always sad, miserable and jealous people. I'm sad that I haven't met a man like that but it's a sadness that doesn't stop me being happy for other people and I enjoy hearing positive stories, because one day I might meet someone just like that. Ignore the moaners, people who are miserable with themselves want others to be miserable too.

KaleQueen · 10/05/2025 16:01

ShamrockShenanigans · 10/05/2025 15:34

It’s like jumping on the weight loss board and saying ‘im so sick of hearing about people battling with their weight. Let’s have some good stories instead. I’m a perfect size 8 have been for years I eat like a horse I’m just so lucky. Anyone else?’

Except this is called the 'Relationships' topic.

Not the 'Bad Relationships' topic?

Yes but people tend to use it for advice on relationships. Which you well know. But are pretending not to.

BlinkeredBay · 10/05/2025 16:01

This is a lovely thread and a breath of fresh air.

i too am happily married, to a great man, just celebrated 36 years of marriage.

We’re having a tough year this year as I’ve been diagnosed with breast cancer, I’ve had surgery, started chemo, lost my hair, radiation to come.

He’s holding me tighter right now.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 10/05/2025 16:05

bluesinthenight · 10/05/2025 13:44

Many people think this way about their dogs.

This thread hasn't really enlightened me about how men and women can look after each other. It's just really generalised comments about being "happy". Well, none of us is happy all the time and the devil is in the detail. Relationships can be very hard so for me I am interested to know how partners navigate and resolve arguements; how you ensure that domestic labour is shared 50:50 etc. Without stuff like that I could never be really happy.

And I would love to hear from the men about how they commit themselves to being allies to women and how they make the world better and safer for all women by educating and challenging the men who don't.

Why does it have to be exactly 50%? Why does there have to be arguments? Why do you expect performative allyship and displays of how they're 'Not Like Other Men' instead of decent, kind men getting on with being decent and kind?

One of the joys of knowing you're in a great relationship is not feeling like you're being judged against a checklist of objectives like a work appraisal. There's little in the way of joy in somebody standing there and telling you that you did not meet the target of 50% of all household tasks by 0.2% or whilst you did in fact perform 57.3% of toilet scrubbings, you left an empty contact lens packet on the sink three times and forgot to buy toilet rolls once and therefore failed to meet your KPIs for the year.

Grammarnut · 10/05/2025 16:05

I also love my DH of 28 years (2nd H). Sadly, he died last year and I miss him so much. Sometimes I turn over in bed and put out my hand to touch him and I wake up because he isn't there.

alimac12 · 10/05/2025 16:06

I love this post! I’m 31, have been with my partner for 6 years and we have a son together. I wish I can say one day…we’ve been together for 20+ years. While there are ups and downs, my partner complements my life, we are a team and I feel like I love him every day more!

ShamrockShenanigans · 10/05/2025 16:13

KaleQueen · 10/05/2025 16:01

Yes but people tend to use it for advice on relationships. Which you well know. But are pretending not to.

I'm well aware that people 'tend' to use it for those reasons but that's their choice.

The OP has chosen to use it for this reason and that's her choice too so your 'examples' are silly.

And again, the thread title is perfectly clear for all to read.

It smacks of kids in the playground not being able to join in a game, so instead they try to spoil it for those who can.

Really very sad behaviour for grown adults.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 10/05/2025 16:17

ShamrockShenanigans · 10/05/2025 16:13

I'm well aware that people 'tend' to use it for those reasons but that's their choice.

The OP has chosen to use it for this reason and that's her choice too so your 'examples' are silly.

And again, the thread title is perfectly clear for all to read.

It smacks of kids in the playground not being able to join in a game, so instead they try to spoil it for those who can.

Really very sad behaviour for grown adults.

We're not allowed to talk about happiness. It's mean to the unhappy.

KaleQueen · 10/05/2025 16:20

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 10/05/2025 16:17

We're not allowed to talk about happiness. It's mean to the unhappy.

where did I say you’re not allowed?
you’re obviously allowed.

and if your happiness makes someone else feel a bit more shit about their lives then that’s their issue not yours.

all just seems a bit smug and pointless to me but hey that’s my opinion (which I am allowed) 😀

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