‘Sexy bitch’ in bed. Acceptable?

[Fordscorpion]

Fourth date with new man last night. Had sex for the first time. He called me a ‘sexy bitch’ as we were doing it, and also a ‘dirty girl’ at one point.

Now, I know that literally I am neither a bitch nor dirty (‘sexy’ is highly debatable as well, to be fair. And I am a woman, not a girl, but that’s not the point), but I wonder whether I should take it as a compliment that he seemed to be enjoying the shag, or feel annoyed about it. Am I being over sensitive? He wasn’t saying it nastily - I think he was trying to be complimentary! Certainly no other red flags from last night. Thoughts?

It's acceptable if it's acceptable to YOU. You're the judge of what goes on in your own bed.

Ugh.

That would put me right off.

This. It’s entirely up to you isn’t it. There’s no rules. If you like the crack on. If you don’t then tell him.

Some women love being called names in bed and many don't. I'm in the don't category. If you call me a bitch, you're calling a cab. I don't tolerate name calling.

I also don't do sexting, it does nothing for me but some people love it. I'd be very wary as he could be a porn addled misogynist.

Nailed it.

All men can be a porn addled misogynist. Your statement is redundant.

What?

Some people like being talked to like this in bed. Some don't.
If you don't, tell him.
If you can't tell him 🚩
If you tell him and he still does it 🚩

It's whatever you find acceptable. You need to tell him. He will need to know not to say it again. I would mention it when u are not having sex

I think what I would find weird is how soon he brought this chat out. I would expect sex to be loving/romantic/fun for a while and then to start discussing specific turn-on/quirks/fetishes etc. Personally I would rather be asked before cracking out that kind of stuff but maybe other people would love men to just go for it! Do you feel you can have an honest conversation around this with him?

There’s an episode of Friends where Ross’ new squeeze wants him to talk dirty to her. He can’t do it and tries to get advice from Joey. Ultimately, it’s not for him so neither’s that relationship.
It’s how YOU feel about it OP.

I love dirty talk - love it - and I value men who can do it. Dp is pretty awesome. But I'm fussy about what it involves and I can't stand being called names.

If it genuinely turns you on and gets your rocks off, that's for you to decide. It sounds like it pulled you out of the moment though. So they shouldn't do it; tell them so. In my view there shouldn't be anything happening in sex that isn't mutually beneficial to everyone involved.

It`s down to you op on what you feel is acceptable if you dont like it speak up.

Even if you are into this, I find it worrying he thinks it’s acceptable talking to you like this the first time you slept together. Without any indication you want this or like it.

it really indicates how he views women generally IMO. There will be other signs he’s a hateful misogynist along very shortly if there haven’t been already.

I'd be fine with that level of talk.

It's not alarming in itself but if it upsets you, you tell him and he continues or sulks, then it becomes a problem.

This! It’s all very well some of the comments here saying they’d be fine with it but they’re missing the point that not everyone would be and it’s something you’d either directly talk about beforehand or after a while you can sort of just tentatively guess what they would be okay with or not but yeah a bit much to go all out on a first time!

Turn off for me , but I'm all for whatever floats your boat !
In defence of him , maybe all the women he's shagged were into it , tell him you are not . If it's him that likes it , you may have a problem .

I don't find that kind of talk in that situation offensive, it's almost cliché. I do however find it completely cringe worthy. Some people like it some people don't.
Tell him you don't, his reaction will tell you everything you need to know

That would be an instant turn off for me. But it’s what you feel that matters here,

Anything that's a bit out of the norm should be discussed and agreed beforehand imo. All of the kinkier guys I've been with have initiated conversations about desires and limits before we did anything. That way they know what the safe boundaries are. Maybe he's not very considerate, or maybe it's inexperience and he genuinely thinks all women like that. Either way, a conversation would be needed to express your limits and boundaries when it comes to dirty talk. But if you're not comfortable, you don't need any more reason other than 'this isn't working for me' to walk away.
I actually love those conversations about limits, boundaries and desires. It's a great part of foreplay too. xx

I don't think i could of carried on personally, i would of found it so cringy I probably would of just burst out laughing 😂

It’s weird but I loved this sort of talk when I was dating but I could not be ok with it from my dh. It’s not his character. It’s not the relationship we have. It would be so deeply awkward and cringe if it was to come from him.

Dirty girl? Gross. That would massively turn me off.

Being called a bitch too.

All that would make me think him and me are not compatible - we have different mindsets and values.

Thanks all. I didn’t mind it really, I suppose. I just thought it was a bit soon! It was otherwise a very enjoyable experience and he certainly wasn’t selfish or in any other way worrying.