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Original poster

‘Sexy bitch’ in bed. Acceptable?

119 replies

Fordscorpion · 05/05/2025 14:45

Fourth date with new man last night. Had sex for the first time. He called me a ‘sexy bitch’ as we were doing it, and also a ‘dirty girl’ at one point.

Now, I know that literally I am neither a bitch nor dirty (‘sexy’ is highly debatable as well, to be fair. And I am a woman, not a girl, but that’s not the point), but I wonder whether I should take it as a compliment that he seemed to be enjoying the shag, or feel annoyed about it. Am I being over sensitive? He wasn’t saying it nastily - I think he was trying to be complimentary! Certainly no other red flags from last night. Thoughts?

OP posts:
myotheraccountsa · 05/05/2025 15:27

By this being in the Relationships section you're likely to get a slightly biased view as those reading the title are more likely to comment if they think it's really wrong. I suspect if you'd posted in the Sex thread you may get a slightly different response. Either way, the posters saying it all depends on you & if you're comfortable to ask him to stop (& he listens) if you don't like it. But technically, plenty of women DO really like this and if the rest was enjoyable I wouldn't be concerned, just have a conversation. If it's something he's really into and you're not, there may be middle ground of things he can say without the name calling.

superplumb · 05/05/2025 15:27

Wouldn't bother me.
Whats important is does it bother you? If so then tell him.

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 05/05/2025 15:28

I'd have absolutely loved it. I had 1st sex wjth someone other day. He was very sensual etc and I had to tell him I like it rough. We are all different if you dint like it tell him.

TwistedWonder · 05/05/2025 15:30

Nevertrustacop · 05/05/2025 14:47

It's acceptable if it's acceptable to YOU. You're the judge of what goes on in your own bed.

Absolutely this. As long as it’s legal, there’s no right and wrong in bed it’s your personal preference.

Original poster
Fordscorpion · 05/05/2025 15:34

myotheraccountsa · 05/05/2025 15:27

By this being in the Relationships section you're likely to get a slightly biased view as those reading the title are more likely to comment if they think it's really wrong. I suspect if you'd posted in the Sex thread you may get a slightly different response. Either way, the posters saying it all depends on you & if you're comfortable to ask him to stop (& he listens) if you don't like it. But technically, plenty of women DO really like this and if the rest was enjoyable I wouldn't be concerned, just have a conversation. If it's something he's really into and you're not, there may be middle ground of things he can say without the name calling.

If I posted in the sex thread I’d have the same five people responding, four of whom are probably blokes, and about half a dozen PMs in my inbox! 🙂

OP posts:
Blobbitymacblob · 05/05/2025 15:36

There’s a lot of things I enjoy in the bedroom that would still give me ick so early in a relationship.

Sex is about learning each others most intimate secrets - not just physically but emotionally too. Sometimes what we respond to sexually can be completely at odds with how we identify outside the bedroom and just admitting to those inconsistencies is an act of trust and intimacy.

So to just wade in with dirty talk, suggests either misogyny or ignorance (probably grounded in exposure to misogynistic porn or locker talk) and either a lack of interest in your experience, or a lack of awareness of your personhood.

It would count as a huge red flag for me.

BumbleBeegu · 05/05/2025 15:46

I’d hate it personally but each to their own 🤷‍♀️

I once had a guy, first time (and only time) sex, who kept saying, “You’re a dirty girl, aren’t you? Tell me you’re a dirty girl!” And I just couldn’t take it seriously after that!

Firstly, I was 55, so not in anyone’s wildest imagination could I be classed as a ‘girl’! Second, I’m very ‘normal’ in the sex department and again, without a HUGE overreach, would never be classed as a ‘dirty’ girl 🤦‍♀️ But even weirder for me…he was 63 and it all felt a bit grim…him wanting (almost demanding really!) that I play along with his fantasy of shagging a ‘dirty girl’. Really grim 🤮

TheGreyQuail · 05/05/2025 16:10

Stick to your porn matey.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 05/05/2025 16:12

I think it sounds like you had a good night 😄 - he sounds confident and manly 🙌

I'd hate a guy to constantly be like 'is this ok with you if I say this' every second 🙄

But it does depend on what you like x

YourWinter · 05/05/2025 16:15

It’s a NO from me. Yuk. Let him have his kind of sex with a professional he pays to be “dirty”.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 05/05/2025 16:17

Fordscorpion · 05/05/2025 15:34

If I posted in the sex thread I’d have the same five people responding, four of whom are probably blokes, and about half a dozen PMs in my inbox! 🙂

Show quote history

😄 noted, will avoid

Endofyear · 05/05/2025 16:21

No judgement but it's not for me! If you find it a turn off, tell him! If he's a nice guy and wants to make you happy in bed, he'll listen and respond accordingly. If not, he's not a keeper!

NcFcSc · 05/05/2025 16:36

Fordscorpion · 05/05/2025 15:34

If I posted in the sex thread I’d have the same five people responding, four of whom are probably blokes, and about half a dozen PMs in my inbox! 🙂

Show quote history

I agree with this. I posted in that topic once and got harrased for weeks!

I once asked DH to do this and he looked like a deer in headlights, called me a 'dirty bastard' and we just both laughed our heads off and never tried again 🤣🤣🤣

Obimumkinobi · 05/05/2025 16:44

How old is he, OP?

The "bitch" element jars with me a little and I wonder where it will end up? You say you don't really mind, but it sounds like you do a bit.

I wouldn't "put up" with anything even mildly uncomfortable at this early stage because he's meant to be bringing his A Game.

Maybe call him a "grubby little bitch" and see how he likes it? Chances are he won't.

AnonWho23 · 05/05/2025 16:48

It wouldn't bother me. However, anything daddy related would make me puke.

ohyesido · 05/05/2025 16:50

It’s sex talk. Some people enjoy it, others don’t, but it’s not to be taken seriously

outerspacepotato · 05/05/2025 16:51

How do you really feel about it? If it works for you and you find being called names a turn on, you do you. But if you don't you have a straight talk with him.

Anyone calling me a bitch sees the door. It's considered disrespectful and derogatory around here.

Cosycover · 05/05/2025 16:51

Oh god this would give me the biggest ick ever.

McReal · 05/05/2025 17:01

Maybe get to know someone before jumping into bed with them, they'll also know more about you and how to treat you.

Ilovelurchers · 05/05/2025 17:02

I'd only enjoy this in the context of a sexual role play where we were pretending to be different people. And if we were doing that we would have discussed it before and have boundaries and safe words etc worked out.

So I wouldn't be happy if a guy just randomly started saying it as it his actual opinion was that I WAS these things.

If you like everything else about him, might be worth raising it. He may have had a previous partner who loved it, and he is trying to do what he thinks you want? Try to get to the heart of why he does it. Does it add to the experience for him, or is it meant to for you?

Let him know your own preferences and boundaries. Do you enjoy any kind of dirty talk/dominance play (which is how I see these kinds of words in a sexual context really) etc? Would you be willing to try it, and if so what would make you feel safe to do so?

But don't be pressured into a single tiny thing that you don't feel totally OK with. More than OK in fact - don't try anything unless you at least think you might enjoy it....

And it may be that this is already a dumpable offence for you. Remember, you can walk away from any guy at any time for any reason if he doesn't add to your life.......

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 05/05/2025 17:06

“Sexy bitch” makes me picture Hugh Grant as Daniel Cleaver. A bit hammy. A bit camp!

Original poster
Fordscorpion · 05/05/2025 17:50

McReal · 05/05/2025 17:01

Maybe get to know someone before jumping into bed with them, they'll also know more about you and how to treat you.

Thanks grandma.

OP posts:
JMSA · 05/05/2025 17:53

Nevertrustacop · 05/05/2025 14:47

It's acceptable if it's acceptable to YOU. You're the judge of what goes on in your own bed.

I agree with this. But I do think that running it by you first would be optimal! Like ‘would you object if …’

Communitywebbing · 05/05/2025 18:13

There’s no should about it. Were you flattered or not?

JazzyBBBG · 05/05/2025 20:02

I'm envisioning Hugh Grant as Daniel Cleaver...