‘Sexy bitch’ in bed. Acceptable?

[Fordscorpion]

Fourth date with new man last night. Had sex for the first time. He called me a ‘sexy bitch’ as we were doing it, and also a ‘dirty girl’ at one point.

Now, I know that literally I am neither a bitch nor dirty (‘sexy’ is highly debatable as well, to be fair. And I am a woman, not a girl, but that’s not the point), but I wonder whether I should take it as a compliment that he seemed to be enjoying the shag, or feel annoyed about it. Am I being over sensitive? He wasn’t saying it nastily - I think he was trying to be complimentary! Certainly no other red flags from last night. Thoughts?

Ha jinx!

There's a Frasier epidsode about an encounter getting accidently broadcast with the highlight being "you dirty bird" iirc...

I'd not be happy personally, sounds a bit grim really.

I think he should have asked if you like this before trying it. It seems highlighted to presume that you would.

Bore off

Eww no! Instant ick to that. If you’re ok with it, that’s fine though. Each to their own.

I can't stand that sort of sex talk, so would have told him it's a turn off and expected it to never happen again. He can find ways to appreciate my sexual prowess without making me want to despise him.

Generally I think it's fine for a partner to try something out so long as they are receptive to feedback. But language like that sounds porn influenced and that's a bit of a red flag. So it wouldn't put me off entirely, but he'd be on pretty thin ice.

Why complain about a guy who doesn't know you treating you a certain way in an intimate moment if the time hasn't been taken to allow him to get to know you, it's kind of obvious that if time had been taken to build the relationship before jumping into bed then this issue would have been less likely to occur. But hey, that's boring apparently...

As PP said, even if it's something you're really into, it's a bit surprising a relative stranger went straight in with it on the first night. Unless you'd had dirty talk in messages or on dates, it does sort of imply that he thinks this is vanilla enough for a first time with a new partner. Porn culture has definitely crept into average sex lives in the dating world. I was surprised the last time I was single how common place men being very vocal had become (more making performative sex noises than dirty talk) and porn style complete hair removal of body hair had become. It seems to have happened really quickly.

I wasn’t complaining. I was ruminating.

We have spent hours together over several dates, and shared various intimacies in that time. But even if I’d met him three minutes before, how quickly we shag is absolutely none of your concern (nor is it relevant to this thread).

I can fuck who I like, when I like. As can you. If you want to wait til whenever, good luck to you.

This kind of poster always says ‘jumping into bed’, as though it’s an athletic feat performed at speed.

Are you suggesting that I am not athletic in bed?! 😊

I’m sure you are a Simone Biles level of acrobatics.😀

However, in that type of poster’s view, if you had waited Till There Was A Ring On Your Finger, it would all have been terribly demure, and you’d have just lifted up your nightie for the crucial moment…

Personally it's perfectly acceptable, dirty talk during sex is pretty normal. If you don't like it, just tell him but it's certainly not a red flag

Some people like it (I don't mind), some people hate it

If you don't like it, tell him. If he carries on doing it, dump his arse.

If you don't like it you need to tell him.

Me too, and in that case I wouldn't mind. If there was a more violent threatening tone then I would.

It obviously bothers you enough to ask on here!

Personally I wouldn’t like it, not like PP said it depends on tone, and selfishness, or even domineering etc - if it light hearted, maybe not so much.

But it is early days on that front. See where it goes. You can alway chat about it!

You say you have shared several intimacies before this occasion. Do you think you may have acted in a way that he felt this was appropriate? I ask because I have done this in the past, where I have given off signals that were misconstrued. I like dirty talk in bed, so for me this is would be acceptable, but I do sound someone new out before I am intimate to ensure that we are both on the same page. This has only come from experience though from a few awkward occasions. If you are not comfortable, just say and guide him to what you are comfortable with.

I usually discuss sexual preferences with my date and say what I like in terms of dirty talk in bed. Obviously he has said something in the heat of the moment but it depends on your chemistry and comfort level with each other to determine whether it is ok or not. I have sometimes said stuff when I'm really into the guy, fairly early. If you liked it, tell him and if you didn't, tell him.

Athletic and sexy!

I think that would make me laugh, which would definitely be a turn off.

I can only hear 'dirty girl' as said by Harry Hill as in 'dirty boy'!

It’s a bit much for first time sex on just the fourth date as he hadn’t gauged if it’s your thing or not. It would put me off because if this, I’d feel it was something he just says to everyone.

I agree with you that it's a bit too soon, I thought he would have discussed that with you beforehand. Usually you build up to dirty sex talk. But you said you didn't mind it so I guess no harm done? Just see how it goes

Exactly this