TW: My partner is touching me in my sleep, ☹️

[Forestdark]

TW: sexual content

Help, I think?

I woke up in the night to my partner trying to touch my vagina sexually. I rolled over.

Then again just before the alarms, I could feel him doing it again this time fingers more at work should we say. I was awake but he did not know, I froze tbh. and then made out I was rolling over again to get comfy.

I left it about half an hour and ‘woke up’, first thing he said after good morning was ‘did you feel me touching your pussy in the night?’

no idea why, but I just said ‘no, no I didn’t, Why did you do that?’

He then seemed to be a bit annoyed at this and said ‘well I thought it would be something we could try, waking up to orgasm, thought you would like it?’

I didn’t reply, just stunned that he actually admitted it, and he got more of the hump and got up and ready for work.

WTAF? Is this normal? Did he really think I would like this? (I did not!!) and how do I proceed?

My ex-H thought I should find it exciting, and sulked when I didn’t.

Years later, in a blissful four-year relationship in which we lived separately, that was a man who turned me on just by breathing beside me, and any touch was delicious, we often woke in the early throes of sex without really realising we’d already started touching.

It’s the misplaced expectation of most (?) men that has quite the opposite effect.

He’s emotionally abusive and manipulative. This is such an unhealthy and controlling relationship even without this horrible sexually abusive behaviour. Honestly, you need to get rid of him.

I'm going to be very harsh here OP but I'm incredibly concerned things have had to get to this stage (sexual assault) for you to begin to ask questions.

His prior behaviour sounds incredibly manipulative and controlling. He cries when you ask him to do housework? Fuck me.

What would you say to one of your adult children or to a friend who came to you listing these sort of behaviours from their partner?

He sounds dangerous. And behaviour like this escalates.

I think this depends on your relationship tbh. Me and my DH would be totally fine with this, the other would then wake up and we would have sex. We used to do stuff like this mainly before kids and it was fun, maybe he was trying that.

If however your relationship is different, you feel nervous of him, he's controlling etc, then no it's not ok

you need to agree it before though. You don’t just wake someone up like that

Sounds like he’s ready for the bin, no?

Sounds like he’s ready for the bin, no?

Other people may well have different sex lives and different things they are ok about - but I myself would have said ‘WTF do you think you are doing’ - he should know you enough to know that it doesn’t sound like you would be ok with it - the fact you didn’t reply to the previous text is a hint -

Nip this in the bud,I'd be concerned what he might move onto whilst you're sleeping.

But op is not fine with it.

You know, you don’t need to comment if it’s shits and giggles for you. Op is distressed and said she didn’t agree to it. Why are people saying oh me and H love it, would you say that in any other thread where the op is distressed about being touched when she didn’t want it?

I think people are saying it because without reading the rest of her posts, he could be a loving man who is trying to add a bit a spice to the relationship. I don’t remember actually discussing it with DH before hand. Just something that happened and we are both fine with.
He may have done it with a previous partner who loved it. In a healthy relationship, you can have a conversation and say that’s not for me, please don’t do it again. It’s the fact, this highlights it’s not a healthy relationship all round.

I don't think we ever did, it was never planned. Just happened. But because I love and trust him it was fun. If there is already issues in the relationship which sounds like there is, then it's not acceptable behaviour

I mean I love and trust my partner but if he ever woke me up doing that I would likely punch him
it’s not my thing, and I’ve made it clear it isn’t
you can’t consent if you’re asleep

Get rid of him and report him to the police

It sounds like the issue is your relationship - and of course when things arnt great it reflects in other areas of your life. I am just as concerned at the fact that he sulks and can’t take criticism. If I think about my partner, we both have corrected eachother and have told eachother how we feel when we are not happy or when we are happy and we both then actively ensure that we are respectful to one another.

Id say over the years me and my partner have woken eachother up with touching - but sometimes we fall asleep on eachother anyway. But there are nights where we are not in the mood and we communicate that, and nobody does any touching.

m It’s about respect - and your partner has crossed the line with you. And it sounds like he is so manipulative that you don’t even feel confident to use your voice to tell him when you don’t like something.

m I would take a break from the relationship and I think you need to think about why you are together. You need to tell him that his behaviour is wrong, and be prepared to physically remove yourself for a few days so that he can see that you are serious (only if you can stay with family or friends).

Sorry but I’m confused,, this is your partner and you did know about this as you rolled over and pretended you did not know ,, why didn’t you tell him to stop instead of letting him carry on ,, I say this and you think I’m cold.. I was raped by my ex in a street .. full on penetration and more… and he went to jail for it ,, I say this as the moment you knew what he was doing you should of told him sweetheart !!! I’m sorry your going though this but please think about what you’re saying and implying.. xxx

I did not read the rest of posts I apologise, but my brain is all over the place I need to think mire before I speak but my epilepsy has got worse and my brain is not working with me so I
apologise

Absolutely. This. And I hate the subtle implication that if a woman doesn’t like something a sexual partner does it must be her fault!

Please tell me you've broken up with him

Freezing is an entirely understandable reaction given the OP is clearly in an abusive relationship.

It would be an understandable reaction to being sexually assaulted even if he wasn't abusive, but given he is it's even more understandable that the OP reacted in a way where she was trying to protect herself from his reaction.

Just sit him down and say that it's been on your mind all day and makes you really uncomfortable and that he's not to do it again.

Did you read any of OP's other posts?

He sounds like an absolute idiot!

I bet he mentioned it because he guessed you woke up.

If you don't like it you know it's OK to tell him? He's your partner yet you act like you're afraid of him and are not able to communicate.