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Original poster

I have never enjoyed sex

136 replies

Imwussgetmeouttahere · 04/05/2025 14:39

It's true. I have no sex drive. I never have. I just don't need sex or anything physical from a partner.

I'm in a long term relationship. If it ended tomorrow, I'm sure I'd be fine alone for the rest of my life. I'm not even middle aged yet.

I need to drink to have sex. I am abusing alcohol. I have sex for the sake of my partner. Nothing more. If I don't get tipsy we don't have sex. It's that simple.

I want to be tee total. For me that means sex is over. My relationship may well be too, in that case.

Can I fix myself? What do I do?

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 08/05/2025 13:42

Mannatan · 08/05/2025 13:37

I love how you say "no thats wrong" so confidently

Its not wrong. Being drunk under the law IS being incapicated.

If you are drunk (over the limit) you are legally not allowed to drive a car.

Only two drinks of alcohol can put prople over the legal limit to drive.

The law doesnt say "oh she was only a little bit drunk, so she was ok to drive that car"

Its the same with sex. If you are drunk at all, you are incapacitated.

Show quote history

No problem. Could you provide the law on incapacity please and demonstrate that touching alcohol is proof of incapacity. I'll then stop saying you're wrong.

beAsensible1 · 08/05/2025 13:48

OP would you be open to him having sex with other people ?

I think you should stop having sex immediately, this is not a way to live it’s not good for your emotional or mental health. If you don’t want sex don’t have it.

you and your partner can sit and discuss what the future of your relationship looks like on this basis. But you have to stop, it’s dangerous and risky. And frankly his behaviour is extremely questionable. But maybe it’s because you’ve been doing for so long it’s become normalised between the 2 of you.

but you need to know it’s not and it’s OK for you to stop. Stop the drinking. Stop the stop the sex. Take a month or two and get on an even keel and then assess together.

you can be asexual in a romantic relationship.

beAsensible1 · 08/05/2025 13:52

Mannatan · 04/05/2025 15:58

It depends on the man - if you get any pleaure though doesnt it.

Many women are stuck in relationships where the man gives them no pleasure at all in sex, and jnstead just uses them as something to pump quickly then roll over.

Show quote history

It doesn’t just depend on the man. This is the issue in the first place.

YOU are part of and in control of your sexual pleasure stop leaving it up to someone who isn’t in your body. You communicate, give direction, show and tell.
if you don’t know how to express physically turn yourself on how can anyone else.

sex is not just for men 🙄🙄🙄 how backward

LoafofSellotape · 08/05/2025 13:53

He tops up your drinks? I bet he bloody does 😢

Mannatan · 08/05/2025 14:01

beAsensible1 · 08/05/2025 13:52

It doesn’t just depend on the man. This is the issue in the first place.

YOU are part of and in control of your sexual pleasure stop leaving it up to someone who isn’t in your body. You communicate, give direction, show and tell.
if you don’t know how to express physically turn yourself on how can anyone else.

sex is not just for men 🙄🙄🙄 how backward

Show quote history

No one said anywhere that sex is just for men. We said how good sex is depends on the man.
you can communicate all you want with a man, and he can still refuse to do things.

It does depend on the man. Of course it does. You cant force a man to do anything even after "communcation". Have you not seen all the threads on mumsnet where women write "ive asked him to give me oral sex and he still won't". She communicated what she wants and he still won't do it.

You can say to a man that you would like him to do oral sex. And he can still refuse and say "no i dont want to do that".

He has free will .

So yes sex, does very much depend on the man that you're with.

Some men like to give oral sex. Some dont like to give oral sex for example

blueleavesgreensky · 08/05/2025 14:48

Mannatan · 08/05/2025 14:01

No one said anywhere that sex is just for men. We said how good sex is depends on the man.
you can communicate all you want with a man, and he can still refuse to do things.

It does depend on the man. Of course it does. You cant force a man to do anything even after "communcation". Have you not seen all the threads on mumsnet where women write "ive asked him to give me oral sex and he still won't". She communicated what she wants and he still won't do it.

You can say to a man that you would like him to do oral sex. And he can still refuse and say "no i dont want to do that".

He has free will .

So yes sex, does very much depend on the man that you're with.

Some men like to give oral sex. Some dont like to give oral sex for example

Show quote history

It can also depend on the woman. If a woman has suffered trauma or has low self esteem or has developed negative views on sex and sexuality from family or religion or by themselves, that needs to be unpicked before they have any hope of enjoying sex. The best man in the world with the most love and care and technical skill will not be able to bring pleasure to a woman who is blocked

K8ate · 08/05/2025 14:50

MiloMinderbinder925 · 08/05/2025 12:48

I think you're being very optimistic given the 1% rape convictions we have.

He's breaking the law by having sex with someone who is incapacitated and not using a condom. You need to be able to withdraw consent at any time and the OP doesn't know what he's actually doing in some instances. She doesn't consent to unprotected sex.

Show quote history

You didn’t actually answer my question.

So you would be happy for him to receive a 30 year prison sentence for this?

MiloMinderbinder925 · 08/05/2025 14:51

K8ate · 08/05/2025 14:50

You didn’t actually answer my question.

So you would be happy for him to receive a 30 year prison sentence for this?

Show quote history

I couldn't care less what happens to a rapist.

K8ate · 08/05/2025 16:38

MiloMinderbinder925 · 08/05/2025 14:51

I couldn't care less what happens to a rapist.

Show quote history

If that’s what you say he is.

A very slippery answer from you…….

IButtleSir · 08/05/2025 17:15

Imwussgetmeouttahere · 04/05/2025 14:49

He hates that I only sleep with him when I have had a drink. Not enough not to always initiate sex though.

I often don't remember what happened. It puts me in a vulnerable position. Yet again I need emergency contraception as he didn't use a condom last night. I know, this is so stupid. I've not found another method that works for me.

Yet again I need emergency contraception as he didn't use a condom last night.

If you agreed that he'd use a condom and he didn't, this comes under the legal definition of rape. Are you not furiously angry with him for not wearing a condom?

MiloMinderbinder925 · 08/05/2025 17:19

K8ate · 08/05/2025 16:38

If that’s what you say he is.

A very slippery answer from you…….

Show quote history

If we go by what the OP says, that he's having sex with her without a condom and without her being able to give consent, then he is.

I'm being honest, not slippery. I reserve my sympathy for survivors not rapists.

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