Would your partner have an opinion on your choice of underwear

[Aintallsunshineandrainbows]

Feel like im going insane on this topic of underwear choice with my dh.
I wore a thong yesterday so i wouldnt have a knicker line and sometimes embarassingly they make me feel a bit more nicer about myself. But my dh thinks women wear thongs to gain other male attention.
The point he tried to make to me yesterday was that my trousers (which were dark green linen wide leg trousers) gathered round my bum at times because i was wearing a thong and that suggested i wore a thong because i wanted this effect to impress other males essentially.
I feel like im having to lower myself to explain that i just felt like wearing one with those trousers because it felt nice and as stupid as it sounds, it felt a bit more breezy in the hot sunshine wearing a thong with the throusers. It wasnt done for attention of other men but this is the type of crap said to me and i feel like i can never justify dressing up nice or wearing certain underwear because it suggests im wanting other men to check me out basically. When i explain im dressing up for myself or to impress him it falls on deaf ears....
When i say i was dressed nice yesterday i was wearing a black tshirt and khaki wide leg linen trousers and flip flops... im not out in tight skimpy clothes with loads of skin or my body on show.
I feel like i cant get this through to him. That my choice of underwear shouldnt suggest im doing it for other men to look at me.

Is this a normal thing?? Would your partner look at it that a thong is meant to be worn because youre trying to be sexual etc
Is it normal that he thinks in this context? I dont understand why theres an issue that sometimes i like to wear one. Feel like im even trying to justify this to myself now because prehaps hes right that it looks like im trying to be sexual or something??? But if that was the case id be wearing skimpy tight clothing etc... i purposely dont because of issues like this

@Aintallsunshineandrainbows are you his wife or his prisoner? After 20 years I think your so used to his behaviour that you don't see it for what it is. Its controlling and abusive. Does he abuse you in other ways? You don't need to answer it. Just think about it. Is this really a loving relationship? It doesn't sound like one to me. I reckon his "love" is very conditional and based on you towing the line and doing what your told.

I wear thongs most days for the same reason. They’re not fancy/sexy ones, they’re plain, often beige, basic ones from asda. If not those then I wear big, high waisted cotton ‘granny pants’.
My partner has never mentioned my underwear that I can remember for any other reason than to pay a compliment.
I wouldn’t be happy with passing comments on something like that, I’m a grown adult and will wear what I please. If he didn’t nip it in the bud after being told then it would be a problem.

OH can have an opinion on my underwear, he's entitled to an opinion on anything, I'm entitled to disagree. As it happens he has bought underwear for me and he tends to choose things I'd choose to wear rather than things that make me look sexy. Apparently I'm sexiest when I'm comfortable.

What would he do if you didn't take any notice and said I am going to wear a dress or shorts and go out with friends.

This is very, very wrong, and not at all normal (apart from among abusive men).

My husband would absolutely have an opinion. He'd love a thong on me. I'm sure he doesn't quite enjoy the scraggy massive knickers as much, but they're comfy and he tactfully doesn't comment!

I don't think he's ever accused me of doing something for another man, least of all wearing underwear which no one else can even see. I agree this is a huge red flag, he's controlling and jealous and that is not a good look.

Do you work.

empty out his pants draw and replace it with shiny black thongs – the male stripper kind. Tell him you just like them, so he should wear them. Let him know you think this is hilarious!

Even if you were showing skin or tight fitting, it’s your body and it would be controlling to tell you not to wear something.

Yep 🤢

That’s actually awful

He might have an opinion but he really does know better than to express it to me.

I only wear thongs. My DH has never mentioned it.

Your DH sounds controlling, paranoid or he’s projecting something

Well of course he will notice women’s bottoms especially those where the type of underwear is easily visible / apparent because that’s half the point - if you couldn’t tell any difference there would be no need to wear specific underwear would there ?

you have different ideas about what is appropriate and so I don’t think you have a good future together

@Aintallsunshineandrainbows I would strongly advise you start another thread as this post has become subjective.
its very clear from what you’ve said, you are being coerced and controlled. It’s not a tongue in cheek issue like the title of this post suggests.

This isn't good. My ex used to insist that anything I wore was for other men. He was the one cheating.

My bf loves my coloured lingerie and only comments that he loves it. I doubt he loves my black comfy knickers but I don't care.

So you don't wear dresses or shorts because he doesn't like that?
You don't see friends because he doesn't trust you
You can't talk to men because he thinks you fancy them (or worse, are having an affair with them).

I bet there's other things too which you probably think are completely normal. You are in a hugely abusive relationship OP. Don't throw away the underwear - throw out the husband. Honestly, he sounds awful.

Personally I think thongs are unhygienic, uncomfortable looking and ridiculous but if you like them and want to wear them that's entirely up to you.

It's not up to your H what you wear.

The fact he thinks you are dressing for the attention of other men is his problem. And symptomatic of his own insecurities.

You are not his property. This is far bigger than an opinion on underwear. This man is entitled and controlling.

So going by all the comments my intution is in fact right, that this isnt normal loving behaviour within a relationship.
We are together from 17 so his trust issues havent come from an ex, he says they come from me because "i cant stop over stepping boundaries by being friendly to other males" a harmless conversation is seen as flirting. Ive been told many times wives dont behave like that and this is why im so baffled because im not flirting, any conversation with the oppsite sex means i want him to fancy me or the other excuse im told is that i do it on purpose to wind him up. That im abusive because hes asked me to stop doing things hes uncomfortable with but i keep doing them to upset him on purpose. Therefore i am abusing him because hes set out the things hes uncomfortable with and i cant follow them. Im left feeling like the bad person all the time and questioning myself and how was i acting round a certain person, im even questioning now about getting rid of thongs to show him hes wrong about me.
Ive never cheated, i dont dress promiscuosly im NOT flirting with other men ive been incredibly loyal to him.

To people who have asked yes we have children together.
And no he doesnt and hadnt specifically told me i cant go out but if i do i face shitty times with him, sulking, silent treatment or policed on with questions and then insulted or insults my friends to me that i have found its just better not to go. He makes it difficult is probsblt how i shouldve said it thsn saying i cant go out with friends, i made the choice not to because it just wasnt worth the bs for days afterwards.

Hes still keeping it up at the min about the underwear and his line to say to me this evening was should our kids not get to have a say if im showing up to school like that embarassing them. Im just morified at this comment because if youd seen what i was wearing you would think its crazy for him to suggest i was embarrasing my children. This is his second time to use this on me because last time was last summer because i wore a pair of shorts to collect the kids from school again a very hot humid day. Just normal baggy grey shorts that probably came up about 2 inches above my knee and i was made feel disgraceful for wearing them to the school run. He speaks to me like im dressed for a sex show which again i could orehaps understand if i was wearing hot pants with my ass cheeks hanging out.

Its upsetting because its fine for me to wear stuff like that at home or be as revealing as i like at home but outside out the home im for his eyes and his eyes only. I would be mortified if another man did check me out because id be told its my fault, i bent over a certain way or what i was wearing. It would all be blamed on me that i then question my actions and things i done so much that i come to the conclusion he must be right. That if im not interested in other men then why do i feel the need to be nice or open my mouth at all to them. These are the things i end up telling myself when he says all these things. I wish i could explain to you how he says things and his tone and how i then come away questioning myself and feeling like im an untrustworthy tramp even though deep down ive done nothing to warrant this.

It didnt start straight off the bat either, it was probably about 5- 6 yrears in before i seen he was very insecure about me and any contact i had with other men wether it was work or outside of work. At first i stupidly thought and told myself all these years he really loves me and just is afriad of losing me to someone else. But over the last while since hsving kids and how its escalated it doesnt feel like it comes from a place of love anymore. He has actially made me feel like ive cheated on him or im a real flirty woman with men. I dont even have the confidence to chat a man up, i actually lack so much self esteen that im not capable of the things he suggests or insults me about.

Im so stressed over it all. And made to feel im to blame.

@Itsjustsodepressing thats the thing but, im not wearing thongs on a daily basis. I might wear that type of underwear twice a yr, im not one for wearing a thong but the very odd time i like to (eveb though ill take it off a few hrs later because like every other woman i find they get uncomfortable.
But its how my h looks at the reason im wearing a thong in first place is my issue. God if i wore one every day id lidten to this crap every day... besides that but i could never manage to wear a thong every day for hygeiene reasons and just because how uncomfortable that would be. I probably own 2 at most

Im so stressed over it all.

Of course you are, it's abuse.

I'm anxious and stressed just reading & thinking about it when you describe his behaviour.

Well he might, but he can bloody well keep it to himself as far as I’m concerned - unless he were to let me vet his choice of underwear, which of course I have no interest in doing since I’m not a controlling dickhead.

While I defend the right of anyone to wear whatever underwear they want to, while others probably won't be able to see the actual thong, it's easy to tell when someone is wearing one - especially in loose linen trousers.

If you end this relationship, you won't be as stressed.

Think about setting a good, healthy example for your kids. Do they overhear what he says? If they don't, he clearly doesn't want them to know and he consciously that what he's doing to you is wrong.