Would your partner have an opinion on your choice of underwear

[Aintallsunshineandrainbows]

Feel like im going insane on this topic of underwear choice with my dh.
I wore a thong yesterday so i wouldnt have a knicker line and sometimes embarassingly they make me feel a bit more nicer about myself. But my dh thinks women wear thongs to gain other male attention.
The point he tried to make to me yesterday was that my trousers (which were dark green linen wide leg trousers) gathered round my bum at times because i was wearing a thong and that suggested i wore a thong because i wanted this effect to impress other males essentially.
I feel like im having to lower myself to explain that i just felt like wearing one with those trousers because it felt nice and as stupid as it sounds, it felt a bit more breezy in the hot sunshine wearing a thong with the throusers. It wasnt done for attention of other men but this is the type of crap said to me and i feel like i can never justify dressing up nice or wearing certain underwear because it suggests im wanting other men to check me out basically. When i explain im dressing up for myself or to impress him it falls on deaf ears....
When i say i was dressed nice yesterday i was wearing a black tshirt and khaki wide leg linen trousers and flip flops... im not out in tight skimpy clothes with loads of skin or my body on show.
I feel like i cant get this through to him. That my choice of underwear shouldnt suggest im doing it for other men to look at me.

Is this a normal thing?? Would your partner look at it that a thong is meant to be worn because youre trying to be sexual etc
Is it normal that he thinks in this context? I dont understand why theres an issue that sometimes i like to wear one. Feel like im even trying to justify this to myself now because prehaps hes right that it looks like im trying to be sexual or something??? But if that was the case id be wearing skimpy tight clothing etc... i purposely dont because of issues like this

My husband has made quite enthusiastic comments about some underwear choices.
But has never, and I hope would never, try to dictate what I wore or try to infer for any reason other than I wanted to.

Eww, he sounds horrible!!

He doesn't give a shit. I am equally without shits to give on the subject of his undies.

Sounds like he spends too much time looking at other women’s bums to see if they’re wearing thongs tbh.

My DH doesn’t care. I wear a mix, and he definitely has pairs he prefers, but he’s never told me what to wear.

To be honest that what i wear on a daily basis as well, my sports bras and big knickers.. im all about the comfort, its a very rare occurence id wear a thong... i was sweating in the heat and it just felt more freeing wearing the bloody thong with the nice loose trousers. Nothing more to it!! But the more i seem to say it the more it seems to wind the conversation up, hes set in his ways thinking its purely a sexual thing. As someone else posted here about nude coloured bras and kickers theres a reason why we pick to wear certain underwear as women.
It seems like everytime i look nice or put in effort it means other men will look or i want other men to look.
He can never see that prehaps its to impress him from my usually standard dresswear or maybe because i wanted to feel nice the odd time i can be bothered to make an effort. Instead of telling me you look gorgeous or you look well he gets so insecure. And the way its put to me is im the one causing the issue because it was me that choose to wear it and im wearing it to impress others and not him.

How would the 'other men' even know that you're wearing a thong? Unless your trousers are very low cut and you pull your thong up at the back, like we used to do in the late 90s 🤣

My husband has very strong opinions about what underwear he would like me to wear, but he's learned it's better to keep them to himself.

Mine likes me in a matching set. But other than that no opinion!

The only influence I've ever allowed was an ex who loved big pants. I've been wearing big pants ever since I tried them. Sooo comfortable! Love a good waist high pair of bum coverers.

Wow. He’s trying to control what you wear so that you don’t attract male attention? Does he think you are a possession or a separate person ? Maybe he also would really prefer you don’t leave the house and keep your entire body covered in case you get male attention.

I mean, he might have an opinion. I could probably make some recommendations to him other than the 3 year old boxers with massive holes in them too. 😂 But unless I specifically asked for his opinion, he definitely knows better than to say it out loud.

@Kattuccino my days of that are long in the past lol considering im 40 now and how uncomfortable that used to be...
He says its because when i stood up from sitting down the material of my trousers "were riding my ass hole" as he kindly worded it so it was obvious i was wearing a thong.
I mean id get his insecurity if i was walking round with half my body on show but i was wearing trousers and a tshirt, the issue is that he didnt like i was wearing a thong underneath as i was leaving little to the imangination as he says.
Im just dumbfounded. I wont wear shorts or summer dresses in hot weather incase this is the response i get, that im dressing to impress other males. Thought i was pretty safe in my choice of summer wear yesterday but nope i was wrong, shouldve stuck to my big granny knickers.
I think im just at the end of my teather because this is the man i love and only man i want to impress. But nothing i say is good enough to win the argument. I cant persuade him to see my side or hear me out. He sees it his way and only his way.
I dont know how to make it more clear to him ive no care for other men nor do i care what they think. Hes the man that lives with me and has me in every sense , ive no interest on other men whatsoever

Is he projecting? Because he’s coming across as a creepy MF that spends his time ogling women’s crotches.

He sounds insecure! But that said I would never wear a thong, so uncomfortable, so it seems a weird choice to me, thongs i associate with trying to look sexy

I could not be with someone that controlling. It reminds me of my abusive ex that I left when my dd was 6 months old - we’d been together 5 years at that point but he was just getting worse and worse and I’d had enough.. that was 22 years ago now. I can’t believe you’ve spent 20 years with this man 😳

My dh (who I’ve been with 15 years now) doesn’t even have a clue what kind of underwear I wear. He literally couldn’t care less. And that’s how I like it. (Whenever we are intimate it’s usually late in the evening so I’m in pjs etc)!

How does he think other men are going to know you are wearing a thong? I don't think people go round looking for the absence of a VPL on normally dressed women and making assumptions about what underwear they are wearing, do they?

I am making the assumption here that you haven't hoisted up the straps of your thong to be visible above your trouser waistband...

He's controlling and abusive, it's been going on so long that you think it's normal but it's really not. It's also very clear how he ogles other women's outfits. Gross.

I wont wear shorts or summer dresses in hot weather incase this is the response i get, that im dressing to impress other males.

This is really sad OP. I couldn't live like this.

So basically how my dh has been going on all these years isnt normal then and no one else has this issue within their relationship 😪
I think the other thing that makes it worse is that any of his insecurities are blamed on me or my attitude. For example me speaking to another man in a polite way or with a smile sets him off, im told im disrecptful, that when youre nice to other men youre giving them the come on essentially or that theres trouble in your relationship. I admit i am a people pleaser from childhood and do worry about how others see me and lack confidence so i do prehaps be a bit ott with the politeness but im also the same with women. Im not flirting with these men and they certainly arent flirting with me either. But my dh would see it that im being nice to this man because i have an attraction to him rather than im just being polite.
Ive never cheated on my partner but ive broke boundaries at times if he asks me to ignore an ex for example. I cant do that, if someone says hi to me i will acknowledge them back and it has created a lot of trust issues for him he says, because he thinks i still fancy these people or some immature thinking like that. I feel like i cant have a conversation with the opposite sex without serious backlash. And he claims ive broke his trust grounds because i cant "ignore" other men so there must be a want in me for their attebtion rather than his.

Hes brought all that up as well all because i wore a ceratin type of underwear so it leaves me feeling like ive no come bsck to argue my side. I feel like he just looks at me as if im some sort of man hungry woman who cant be trusted and its really getting to me because im so loyal to him. Id never betray him but theres so many issues involving men i feel like im losing my mind. Id understand if i had ever cheated on him etc but thats never happened. I just want to be comfortable in my marriage and for my husband to feel safe that hes the only man i love

he's allowed an opinion, but he can't make the decision

What I'd take from that is that he looks at other women's underwear/ vpl and
a) has sexual thoughts about them
b) assumes that they are all hoping for male attention

He sounds insecure and misogynistic and I'd have serious ick if a man tried to police my underwear!

Hes a controlling and insecure person. Does he control other aspects of your life? Are you allowed to go out with friends? Are you allowed to wear makeup or have your hair done?

I am making the assumption here that you haven't hoisted up the straps of your thong to be visible above your trouser waistband...

No @Icanttakethisanymore thats defintely not what i was doing at all.

Genuinely sitting here thinking of just throwing away any nice underwear i have because this isnt worth it if im going to have accusations all the time. And even if i wanted to wear the thong to feel sexy that still shouldnt mean im doing that for anyone else bar me or him....

Im so emtionally drained with the same arguments over and over again like he has zero trust in me

Yes i wear makeup again when i can be bothered to mdke the effort.
No i dont go out with friends etc i learned a long time ago that i cant be trusted to do that either

You absolutely should not change your underwear choice because of his comments. He is insecure.

I mostly wear thongs to reduce VPL, and DH has never shared a negative opinion on this.

Perhaps suggest to him that his boxers should be baggier as god forbid they might exaggerate his trouser bulge, and women might be chasing him down the street.