DH has left me for a teenager

[User048261940582]

Just that really. My DH of 10 years has left me for a 19 year old girl who works in the local chip shop. He’s 36 and we have 2 children aged 7 and 3. How do I even begin to pick up the pieces? What do I tell the kids? I’m beyond broken and have laid catatonic in bed since I dropped the kids off at school/nursery this morning. Have a huge job interview next week for a promotion I’ve been working so hard towards.

He was definitely having sex with her, don't fall for his llies. As for the so-called "emotional support" read, complaining about you and how hard his life is. What an absolute loser. You deserve so much better.

Just highlighting this. Agree 💯

What a shock; I’m sorry OP. He will regret this in time, no doubt but not your problem. I don’t think you will be entitled to UC based on your wages and the fact you are on a mortgage but worth doing a benefit calculation if you have childcare costs as UC might cover some of these - and definitely apply if you have to start renting. Hopefully, he will pay a decent amount of child maintenance.

OP, that is a really weird thing for him to send when he chose to break the family. It is him that needs to be fighting, begging you , apologising to you, telling you how he will do anything to make it right.

Don't play the "pick me dance" with him. Don't beg. Try not to engage with him unless it is a face to face conversation. You don't actually know if he is with anyone when he is messaging you, and texts can get taken the wrong way.

I would not respond for now. It may be that some time with his friends or family will make him see what a huge idiot he has been.

At the end of the day, this is your life, your marriage, and only you can know if you want to try and save it or not. He is one who needs to be fighting for it though, not you.

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already

The absolute cheek of him sending you that!!! Unbelievable! If he wanted to fight for his family, he wouldn’t have left you for anyone, let alone a 19 year old!!

Either he's having regrets, or it comes across like he wants to put the blame squarely on your shoulders and is actually expecting you to beg him to come back, just to make him feel better.

Ignore him and block him for the time being, and tell him that for the time being you can communicate childcare arrangements through his parents or one of his siblings if he wants to get in touch. Don't be drawn into arguing with him. Don't give him the satisfaction or the screenshots to show to other people.Stay totally silent and start planning to move on with your life.

Sorry this has happened to you. :(

@User048261940582 If you speak to your husband I would just say you have a job interview to prepare for and you don't want to discuss this situation or give it any headspace whatsoever until after that. The very least he can do is respect that and give you some space.

Blimey 2006, so she could be 18 and still in school.

I'm totally on the OP's side. Why are you calling the 19 year old names? Pretty vile.

I would be cheering you on if you were referring to the OP's husband. He deserves every ounce of vitriol. Please though don't get on the 'OW bandwagon'. This is a 19 year old woman, not fully-formed and behaving badly. She'll learn.

He is trying to trip you up with that message OP. Do not fall for it.

He is trying to find ways to start to DARVO you so that he doesn't look like a complete prick for leaving his family for a 19 year old from the chippy, who has probably now gone running scared now that the relationship just got real.

Ignore. Or "Is this a joke?"
Nothing else.

It could be problems coming from the girls parents, making her back off. I bet his parents have found out, and are threatening to kick him out if he doesnt go back to you. Honestly I wouldn't go there with your husband, he's done it once and he'll gladly do it again next time a young girl comes along. You'd never ever be able to trust him. I'd get the divorce under way.

I bet absolutely everyone, perhaps even including Chip Shop Girl, have told him to stop being stupid and go home to his wife. Hence the 'do you want to fight for your family' comment - he wants you to beg him to come home so he can leave his single bed at his mum's and go back to normal. He doesn't want you to 'fight for your family', he wants you to take him back and forget that he once got a stupid crush on a girl who is practically young enough to be his daughter and with whom he has nothing in common.

He is going to be disappointed. You, on the other hand, are going to be fabulous.

So sorry. I think you need a lawyer right away.

Also, I wouldn't believe they hadn't slept together. Who would leave their wife, kids and home for someone they'd only kissed? And of course we already know he's a creep and a liar so nothing he says should be believed anyway. Of course they've slept together. A grown man with a wife and kids and a teenager half his age. Right, he's drawn to her wisdom haha. He's just trying to minimize how very, very bad he looks.

I expect his ridiculous and sleazy little teen porn fantasy to end very soon btw.

Umm no don’t do the pick me dance. He’s the one that needs to step up and fight, what a mistake he’s made.

So the 19yr old doesn’t want him after all, or the backlash from his/her family has been too much. He doesn’t want to come crawling back, so he is turning it on you to “fight” for him. Please don’t do that. He is a waste of space and will be away with the next one who looks at him. He has serious tickets on himself 🤢
She is a child, and if she was my child I would be giving him both barrels

The foolish child has dumped the old creepy dude already, is my guess.

@User048261940582

Hi I just wanted to say my Dad did the same when I was younger.

She worked for my dad and they'd actually had a 4 year affair, so I think it started when she was 16 and he told my mum when she was 20 and he left the family home.

He must have been 32-36 when the affair took place, and then it all came out. She was only 6 years older than me.

They stayed together for 14 years afterwards and eventually separated.

All I can say was that my Mum went on the warpath and did not protect us at all from the drama of it all. Her mental health declined sharply but she didn't engage therapist or anything like that. She just spiralled and I was left to pick up the pieces.

She also made some shotgun financial decisions that were not the best and had us moved house in less than 6 months too. So take your time with things financially and get proper advice, work from fact not feeling.

It was a very disruptive time for me as a young person.

I'd say you need to find the strength to look after yourself, for your childrens sakes.

When I read your first post my immediate thoughts were this guy is going to come back with his tail between his legs. He's already showing signs of regret, chippy girl has probably told him to do one already.

I don't think I could ever forgive this, she's still a teenager and almost half his age, its creepy AF. As hard as it is, try your best to block out this 🎪 and focus on your interview, go and smash it and get the promotion you have been working hard for. I wish you the best of luck in your interview.

He’s in love but hasn’t slept with her only kisses her

Wow what a piece of work - he's left you for a teenager from the chippy and is now asking if you will fight your family - what an unbelievably callous twat. You must be in no end of shock.
I echo what other people have said - do everything you can to nail the interview and get the promotion under your belt.
Do what you can, when you can - sometimes lying on the bed crying when the kids aren't there is what you need to do to move forwards.
My thoughts on these kind of things is that no matter how much you try to forgive - your feelings are fundamentally changed.
What I would suggest is you tell him not to contact you until after your interview is over - it is the very least he can do - his pathetic messages are going to put you in a spin. As the interview is next week - some breathing space - where you think about what you want and are not responding to his actions and words might help.
All the very best luck with the interview.

Friends husband did this mid forties with an 18 year old eastern European pot head. He moved into her grotty accommodation, leaving behind a lovely home, attractive wife and teenage children. No-one could fathom it.

Stay strong OP you deserve better

Focus everything you have on that interview and gaining that promotion.

Your marriage is over. Your earning power is everything now, for the present and for your future. Don’t waiver and lose ground. Good luck.

Honestly I wouldn’t fight. Sounds like he wants you to be so grateful that he will come home and choose you

as my mum would say

he’s made his bed he can lie in it

or his parents bed

or even the teens bed

wonder what her parents think

good luck with interview

I’d be telling him that you no longer consider him as family and your focus now is on the happiness and well being of yourself and your children. He was the one who decided to leave you and break up the family unit, you are not going to fight for anything as you have no interest in a relationship with him again.

Best of luck with your interview.

I think that message shows him for what he is.

Next he'll be blaming the teenager & that she "made him do it"🙄