DH has left me for a teenager

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Just that really. My DH of 10 years has left me for a 19 year old girl who works in the local chip shop. He’s 36 and we have 2 children aged 7 and 3. How do I even begin to pick up the pieces? What do I tell the kids? I’m beyond broken and have laid catatonic in bed since I dropped the kids off at school/nursery this morning. Have a huge job interview next week for a promotion I’ve been working so hard towards.

I honestly couldn’t get upset about this. Would have been at the door saying “see ya”. If he’s doing something so reckless which will end in tears then it’s bye bye from me.

now you need to get your fight in, try and ace that job, sort the kids and plan for the future (without him).

There for each other? In what circumstances is this man leaning on a teenager for support? Did they meet at the pub or something? And he’s obviously lying about the “just kissing”, no one would ever move out over a kiss.

It sounds like reality probably landed on her and the thrill of the secret has worn off and now he’s trying to come back. Even if you’re considering working through it, generally speaking it would be good for you to cut contact for a few weeks.

And I can’t lie, I’d be concerned about a 36 year old who thinks it’s okay to get with a teenager, even if it’s legal.

Oh OP, I’m so sorry, but yes, the posters saying he’s trying to get you to do the pick me dance are right.

i think either don’t reply at all to his message or reply something like “That’s a strange message for you to send me given this is all your choice.”

You can't believe a single word that comes out of his mouth.

Block his number for a while and start squirrelling away any money you have in joint accounts before he does.

You will suddenly see a very nasty and selfish/spiteful side of him appearing now so make sure you get in there first.

Set up a new email account and tell him all communications must come through that as well so you have evidence.

Why should OP look up private rentals though. She should stay put in the marital home surely?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this but honestly I don’t even think you should be sad, you should just be cringing about how pathetic he’s acting.

Does he really think a 19yo is going to want him after the crush has worn off.

At the minute she’s impressed by him being able to take care of her by having a job and car etc but that will soon wear off and then he’ll be left single with no one and I would happily slam the door in his face when he tries coming crawling back.

In 2 years when I’m his age my DD will also be 19 and it actually makes me feel sick to even imagine being with someone her age.

I thought I was mature at 19 and I was a single parent and very mature compared to other 19yos but I was still practically a child and I can’t imagine what a 36yo would have in common with someone so young.

So he’s a loser.
That about sums it up, does it not?
Because only a loser would have an “an emotional affair” with some random girl who works at the chippy.
And whether it’s one chaste kiss or whether he’s dived in with both hands, it’s still a betrayal.
I remember when I was 7 and walking into the bedroom I shared with my 12-yr-old sister and seeing her and Daddy sitting on my bed and Sis’ eyes red and damp - and Daddy smiling at me, “your mother and I are getting a divorce,” and falling apart.
But they didn’t. They were married for 60+ years altogether, pretty happily considering.
Can you do better? Do you want to?
That’s for later.
Your focus now is on the interview.
And you’ll be grand - because of course you will. ❤️

God, I'm so sorry OP! Your H is a disgusting old man! My youngest dd was born in 2006, to think he could be with someone that young is perverted IMO! I'm glad you have people around you to help you get through this.

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

You’re not fawning over him and doing the pick me dance like you’re supposed to!

He needs the attention but also needs to know that you would have him back in a heartbeat if things go wrong with the new girl.

Or even if he can have his cake and eat it too by having you both which sounds extreme but I know many women who still have sex with their ex partners thinking it will encourage them to come back home, when in fact it does the opposite.

I would suggest that you don’t respond to the question about fighting for your family at all. He will twist any negative answer into blaming you for the split. I suspect he’ll be back with his tail between his legs shortly so have a think k about what you would do in that situation.

Get a good solicitor. Limit discussion to practical matters only for now.

I think the teenager was just "having fun" and now has panicked because he was much more serious than she thought he was about this fling.

Have only read the thread up to this comment so you may have already been asked and answered this.

If he’s asking if you are willing to fight for your family, are you sure there’s anything to this so called ‘relationship’?

Sounds to me like the idiot might be playing mind games with you and made it up to see your reaction.

Either way, kick him out and let him live the rest of his life in pure misery, looking back at the life he lost!

The very idea that he's putting this on you as in do you want to "fight for your family" speaks volumes. Ignore this. Remember and focus on the main problem here which is that you're married to a 36 yr old man who was willing to literally walk out on his wife and children in the starry eyed hopes that a 19 yr old would pay attention to him.

YOU don't need to fight for jack shit, HE needs to fight to be taken seriously by you again, and by that I mean with regard to custody agreements etc because I wouldn't be having him back after this.

He's clearly been rebuffed by the 19 yr old now that she's faced with the reality of the old guy actually being free to hang around her all the time.

Lean on friends and family where you can to support you for the next week or so, and channel your energy into doing your best at the interview (will keep my fingers crossed for you).

Book a solicitor appointment as soon as you can and do a financial audit - make sure you know the ins and outs of your financial situation (bills, insurances, pension, savings, debt etc.

Birth certificates, marriage certificate and passports with your DM for safe keeping along with anything with the remotest sentimental value to you.

In your shoes, I would respond to his (quite frankly ridiculous and insulting "fight for me") message by email, block his number for the time being - you don't want him badgering you. Just say something along the lines of "At present I have nothing to say to you other than do not contact me directly, Susan will arrange for you to see the children". Speaking of children, I would also let School and Nursery know the current situation.

Delegate anything you can - Let the people who want to help you, help you. Get them to arrange four weeks worth of food shopping, book your solicitor appt, help you sort out your cms claim, sort out single person council tax etc. basically if there is any admin/life admin task you can give to someone, do it.

Just because he has asked you if you want to fight for him, it does not mean you owe him an answer. As others have said, he wants his ego stroking.

The decision as to what happens next is yours, not his. Unfortunately, many of us have been in similar situations, so as a result the experience, guidance and kindness on here is nothing short of amazing. Take none of his shit, my love, take your time, take care of yourself and if you want to move on from this stupid man, you can absolutely do it.

So it’s ‘mostly’ emotional? What does the other bit consist of? 🤔

Wow….

You will get through this. It will be hard but you will get through this.

Extra chips?

If I was the young girls parents I'd be having a very serious talk to my daughter.

Don’t point your anger at her, yes she is young but she is an adult. This is all his doing, it’s his fault, he went looking.

Feel sorry, hurt etc then get up and get busy as PP get busy doing what needs to be done

‘He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family.’

This is where you get ANGRY op. Look your children in the face. Look at your innocent 7yr old and imagine a nearly 40yr old going after them in 12 years. Think of if you could ever do this to your partner? Imagine leaving him for a 19yr old boy? It’s disgusting isn’t it, almost laughable if it wasn’t so selfish, evil and disgusting.

HE has thrown you to the wolves. He KNEW about your interview. He didn’t give a fuck. He didn’t give a fuck that your children will be hurt by this. He didn’t give a fuck that he’s cheated on you.

Do not let this man treat you like this. He’s shown you to be a disgusting creep ready to throw you all away. Get your pride and your rage for your kids and fight back! Don’t let this creep back.

Also, how in the fuck did he even start up with this teenager?! Did they meet at the fish and chip shop? Or is he on dating apps?

I’m sorry, but I think he’s trying to hedge his bets. If you were my daughter I would be hoping you would tell him where to go.

Sorry but the idea of an emotions only affair with a teenager is very odd. Their brain isn’t even fully developed. I know some mature people in their 20s but there’s still such a gulf of life experience not to mention how young they look that OPs husband just sounds like a fucking perve making excuses

This is a brilliant response! So very true.
In addition, my thoughts were that, as he gets older, and this girl realises what she has landed herself with, he will lose her. The op by this time will have been long gone!
Yes, she feels bad now, but believe me, she has had a lucky escape.
I hope the children are ok though. This is hard on them but the op has a loving family to help them and her so it will all be ok.
And YES, Op, Go for that promotion and good luck! You should be proud!

I’d phone his parents, tell them exactly what he has said.
tell them you don’t want to talk to him it’ll only be through them.
you will drop a bag of his stuff to his girlfriend.
then, I’d pack a bag of his worst underwear and include medications - pile cream, athlete foot treatment etc and give it to her at work.

but I am rather petty.

however, he has shown you who he is.
rely on your family and go get that job!
all you’ll have to do in the future is apologise to your children.
for picking a shower of shit as their dad.

You tell him to fuck off and take a long walk off a short pier!!! Im so sorry this happened to you, I hope you absolutely smash that interview at work and get the promotion and show him exactly what he’s missing!!! She will dump him pretty quickly I reckon