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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH has left me for a teenager

530 replies

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 11:36

Just that really. My DH of 10 years has left me for a 19 year old girl who works in the local chip shop. He’s 36 and we have 2 children aged 7 and 3. How do I even begin to pick up the pieces? What do I tell the kids? I’m beyond broken and have laid catatonic in bed since I dropped the kids off at school/nursery this morning. Have a huge job interview next week for a promotion I’ve been working so hard towards.

OP posts:
LeaveTaking · 28/04/2025 17:22

What an unbelievable cunt! Pathetic and disgusting.

OP please don’t consider taking him back.

Lots of good advice from PPs. Don’t let him turn the guilt on you, this was his decision.

Channel this and smash that interview! This is going to be the start of an entirely new story for you.

Notimeforaname · 28/04/2025 17:26

He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

Jesus you'd be mad to take him back. I know it feels like it will stop all of your pain , but it really won't.

SoMauveMonty · 28/04/2025 17:26

He's got some nerve.
So he's been playing around with a 19 yo, claims they're in love and leaves you & the DC to be with her, then wants to know if you are prepared to fight for your family? I'd laugh in his face. Arrogant arse.
Good luck with your job interview OP.

TortolaParadise · 28/04/2025 17:27

Get out of bed. Prep for your promotion, the cost of living is high, the job market is grim, secure your finances. My thought would be to get through these two weeks then take some leave if you can to figure out the rest.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 28/04/2025 17:29

@User048261940582 tell him you would fight for your family but wont fight for him!! he has made his bed, let him lie in it! that is if she still wants him. she probably realises that he is way too old for her!

user1471538283 · 28/04/2025 17:37

I'm so sorry

To me a 19 year old is a child. She hasn't been there for him, what life experience could she advise him on? And like others have said she doesn't want him now he's available and she could become a "step mother" and he will have less money to spend.

It sounds like he is enjoying the drama with his talk of fighting for your family.

But even though he is not your friend and not on your team use this time to get him to agree finances if you can. He thought he was walking away and it's time he realised that he is still responsible for his DC.

I can picture them now at best living in the flat over the chippy ...

Whilst you will absolutely ace your interview!

peachesarenom · 28/04/2025 17:39

Gosh! Men can be really stupid! (I'm sure women can too but this! Such idiocy!!!)

TimeForATerf · 28/04/2025 17:42

Ugh, I can guarantee he will be back when he’s finished humiliating you.

I hope you will never have him back.

He will be laughed at (behind his back) by his mates I can be sure.

Send him packing, get your ducks in a row and make it as painful and expensive as possible for him.

This Is the biggest ick ever.

endofthelinefinally · 28/04/2025 17:42

OP. I am so sorry this has happened to you.
It is not legal for you to change the locks - he also owns the house. You need to maintain the legal and moral high ground. Don't give him any ammunition.
The first thing to do is to find and copy every single piece of his financial and legal information. Put your own paperwork in a safe place too.
Pay slips
P60
Tax returns
Credit card bills
Bank statements
Check any joint account and consider transferring your half to another account.
Where/when do the bills and mortgage come out?
Council tax? You might be entitled to a reduction
Get your salary paid into your own account.
Take meter readings in case he interferes with utility bills.
Mortgage information.
Find your marriage certificate and put it somewhere safe. You will need it later.
Ditto childrens birth certificates.
Passports.
Your solicitor will tell you to do all of this, so you can save time and money by getting on and doing it now.

shuffleofftobuffalo · 28/04/2025 17:44

How absolutely awful of him OP. I agree with others I reckon she’s binned him now she’s realised he’s actually left you.

what I’d do is continue on the path he has put you on - ie broken up and moving towards divorce. I’d certainly not even entertain his pick me nonsense.

Be as business like as you can - organise a solicitor, set out the childcare/contact arrangements etc. Make it clear through your actions there is no way back. If you think he might be spinning a line to his parents about you being the bad guy, make sure they know why he left.

best of luck for that interview too.

Soontobesingles · 28/04/2025 17:45

I’m sure she will head for the hills when the reality of stepmother life age 19 hits. I also call bullshit on they haven’t had sex. Who leaves their wife and child for someone they haven’t even had sex with. This is a pathetic crush which he will come to regret. But this is who he is, you can’t go back to not knowing so cut ties and make sure you get that promotion!

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 28/04/2025 17:47

Why are YOU the one that needs to fight for anything? He did this TO you….. he can fight for you and the kids if he wishes ( obviously you taking him back is a totally different thing ) but all you need to do is look after yourself and your children and let family and friends look after you….. don’t be rushed into anything…..what a sad sad twat of a “ man”… take care xx

AngelicKaty · 28/04/2025 17:48

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

Firstly, I'm so sorry you're going through this OP - it really does seem there are some men who just never grow up and are easily flattered. 🙄
As at least one PP has suggested (sorry, I've read your posts but only a handful of others) the 19yr old has knocked him back - why on earth would she want to be with a man almost twice her age? Reality bites and it's bitten him hard, but he's made the mistake of thinking your marriage is something only you have to "fight for". How dare he? What have you done wrong? Clue: nothing - this is all on him!
Despite your current feelings of being blind-sided, I would reply to him "N, I certainly did love you, but that was before you decided you loved and wanted to be with a teenager almost half your age, more than me and our DC, so you really need to ask that question of yourself because, right now, you have most certainly lost your family and would need to do an awful lot of fighting to earn back our love and respect."
I'm really glad you've got most of the interview prep' under your belt and wish you all the luck in the world for the day. 🤗

okydokethen · 28/04/2025 17:50

Try hard to get your promotion and ask for an extra days work.
Check UC calculator to see if you would be entitled to claim anything.
Look up local private rentals.
Lean on the good support of your family and friends.
Definitely do not take him back, take this as your opportunity to start a fresh with your DC.

YourAzureEagle · 28/04/2025 17:51

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 11:43

Thank you @Velvian my mum and best friend came over last night after the kids were in bed. I am lucky to have very close family and friends nearby. I just can’t believe this has happened to me. He had been acting so cold and unkind for weeks, I finally confronted him and he said he was in love with this girl and wanted to be with her. He’s lost his mind. She’s a kid! Found her Facebook and she’s literally born in 2006. This is all crazy to me and I’m just waffling sorry.

I'm sorry for your pain OP, I'm a man and my wife left me for a man 22 years older, in his seventies (with money!!, not that I'm skint) In any case, what you will come to realise is:
a/. There is no coming back from the betrayal
b/. Take time to process the grief and move forwards for yourself
c/. Be angry, but be re-assured that in both our situations karma will, without doubt take its revenge - neither my ex or yours new relationships will endure very long, but be weary, move on, don't let him back in your life, there are better things ahead.

Good luck!!

alcoholnightmare · 28/04/2025 17:51

endofthelinefinally · 28/04/2025 17:42

OP. I am so sorry this has happened to you.
It is not legal for you to change the locks - he also owns the house. You need to maintain the legal and moral high ground. Don't give him any ammunition.
The first thing to do is to find and copy every single piece of his financial and legal information. Put your own paperwork in a safe place too.
Pay slips
P60
Tax returns
Credit card bills
Bank statements
Check any joint account and consider transferring your half to another account.
Where/when do the bills and mortgage come out?
Council tax? You might be entitled to a reduction
Get your salary paid into your own account.
Take meter readings in case he interferes with utility bills.
Mortgage information.
Find your marriage certificate and put it somewhere safe. You will need it later.
Ditto childrens birth certificates.
Passports.
Your solicitor will tell you to do all of this, so you can save time and money by getting on and doing it now.

This is incredibly helpful and practical advice. Worth putting in an email to a solicitor before first appointment that you’ve done this already

EweCee · 28/04/2025 17:55

alcoholnightmare · 28/04/2025 17:51

This is incredibly helpful and practical advice. Worth putting in an email to a solicitor before first appointment that you’ve done this already

Show quote history

Agree with everything above. Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork - get all the paperwork you can lay your hands on right now and get an appointment with a solicitor booked ASAP.

And as for his pick me question, IF you want to respond I'd respond along the lines of: 'Anyone who cheats on his family is not a prize worth fighting for. Please direct all further correspondence via my solicitor.'

hotpotlover · 28/04/2025 18:02

What a grim man.

Booboobagins · 28/04/2025 18:15

@User048261940582 I know youre in shock, but when I sought a divorce from my husband when he was viloent towards me, I turned my emotional anger and upset into career growth. It massively helped me. I shot up the career ladder, was a head of service at the age of 24yo and have subsequently held some of the most senior roles in my field in international groups.

Go fight for you and the children, get that promotion and remember, its his loss not yours.

Big hugs x

Pedallleur · 28/04/2025 18:18

As if a 19 yr old is going to be looking after his children!! Come the w/end she will want be out not with a man nearly her father's age with his children in tow

Thelaundryfairyhasbeenassassinated · 28/04/2025 18:19

Hold your head up high OP. Although he doesn't deserve it if you decide to work through this do not do any "fighting" he should be on his knees begging for forgiveness. This all stinks of him desperately trying to make himself feel like the man. Having you beg for him to come back.

Take your time to process all of this.

Hankunamatata · 28/04/2025 18:22

I would ignore his message. I wouldn't respond to anything unless it's about the kids.
He's proven he is a giant man child who needs a virtual child to boost his ego

TruJay · 28/04/2025 18:22

What a loser, honestly I’d feel embarrassed for him.

‘Do you want to fight for your family?’ Tell him to fuck off, silly prick!

finallyskinny · 28/04/2025 18:27

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

walk away with your head held high! it will be so hard at first but things will get easier. smash your interview and have the best life with you DC!

Orangemintcream · 28/04/2025 18:35

User048261940582 · 28/04/2025 12:02

He has said it’s mostly emotional, they’ve been “there for each other” and have kissed but nothing more. He’s insisted they haven’t slept together but still says they’re in love.

thanks for the advice RE the interview. I do need to ace it. Luckily I’d pretty much finished my presentation and that was the most labour intensive bit. I have a session with my counsellor today, thank goodness. He’s messaging me asking if I love him and do I want to fight for my family. What the fuck do I say to that. Is he having regrets already?

I think the response

“Fuck off you cunt” is applicable.