Misread signals gah!

[ThatAquaRobin]

Argh. I was married for 14 years and I'm almost 49. Very out of practice
Plucked up the courage to go on a solos holiday, and I'm glad I did.
But
Now feeling totally deflated after, I think misreading signals. Lovely guy, I'd guess a few years younger, maybe 44-45 ish.
Lots of eye contact smiling and sitting near each other on the sofa when chatting with the small group of guests (thigh contact)
Much wine and beer was consumed
4 days and nights later and I got up early to say goodbye to him (his transfer was earlier)
We chatted briefly and he scuttles out when his taxi arrived.
I have been quite open about my two kids a s divorce, lots of open chats. He was a bit of a closed book compared to the rest of the small group.
Argh.
I feel I will make a prat of myself if I message him.
What 45 (ish) man wants an older woman. With 2 kids?!

@ThatAquaRobin Don't write yourself down, everyone has their baggage/ history/ life learnings. Even those in their 20s, and don't let your pride get in the way of happiness, so what if you misread the situation? What's the worst? He feels flattered, you feel a little deflated, but know where you stand and can move on. Don't over think. Live life x

Thankyou it's hard. I have over invested in something that wasn't even 'a thing'

@ThatAquaRobin It may not of been a thing, but it might be if you are brave x

You’re hardly an ‘older woman’!! Does he live near you? Is it feasible that you could potentially have a relationship with him now you’re home? Just if you live 500 miles apart there is probably little point. From what you’ve said you both had a little flirt, sounds completely harmless and not embarrassing at all. What have you got to lose if you text him?

I feel I will make a prat of myself if I message him

Does he have enough information to contact you?

I think him ‘scuttling out’ is meaningless. How many times have you (or read about other people) crashed and burned, not taking up that ‘obvious’ offer of something? It’s very common.

But also, you had a great time, well done on plucking up the courage!

He is about an hour and a half away by train in the UK.
I can't work out whether a rejection by WhatsApp will make me feel worse than not knowing, or if I need to try sending him a message to put it mentally 'to bed'
My hunch is that he has my number in the holiday WhatsApp group, and could use it if he wants to.

Why do you have to wait until he contacts you? Send a message along the lines of " it was lovely to meet you ... if you ever feel like catching up for a drink then do so" . You have nothing to lose . A friend of mine does solo holidays and some people keep in contact afterwards.

Maybe. It's a weird feeling of good and bad.

Good that after 3 and a half years, I can finally feel butterflies for a man who is not my ex husband (who left me out of the blue)

Bad because I know I am going to be crushed and low if he sends back the "thanks but no thanks" reply.

Seems like you are hugely overthinking this situation! You’ve enjoyed a holiday together and formed a connection, enough of a connection from both of you to exchange numbers, but nothing has happened beyond that as far as I can see? So what signals have been misread? You don’t know yet what the signals were. What’s the fear of rejection about? Nothing has happened yet to reject.

Take a breath, calm yourself, and make contact. You’re not going to propose via whatsapp, you’re just getting in touch. Ask if he got home ok, say something about how lovely the holiday was, make a comment about back to work/life. Ask if he has any free time coming up and would he like to meet up?

If you txt and he doesn't reply you will have easy of mind because it was just that a small flirt on your side.
If you txt and he replies could be more or not, or just a fling or whatever, but you will not know if you don't txt.
Is just a txt, no harm sending it.
I would txt, nothing to loose.

Could you initiate a dialogue by sending him some photos that he might like to see of the holiday? Then you're not making contact 'out of the blue', you're actually getting in touch with a purpose. After that, the ball is in his court.

Message when you get home and just say wasn't it a lovely trip, hope you got home alright, would be nice to catch up sometime. Nothing too heavy, if he doesn't reply so what, at least you will know instead of thinking what if forever.

Look at it this way - it shows you have the capability to be attracted to someone again and have it in you to open yourself to that. That's not always easy after what you've been through. Don't think of this as your next big relationship - think of it as a step towards moving forward with your life.

He’s probably got a wife and kids back home. See it as practicing your social skills. You are 49 and hes 45 - theres not that much difference in age!

I feel like I'm 18. I don't even know if the guy is single, although it was a solos holiday.
I had form for thinking boys/men were interested in me (when not) when I was younger.
Never thought I'd be playing the same guessing game at 49.
Fear of rejection is huge. Don't know why.
I think I'm even trying to maintain the fantasy in this thread while I still imagine he's into me.
Maybe messaging in a few days is the only way to bring back reality.

Good idea.

He probably was flirting but it doesn't mean he wants to follow it through. Some people enjoy flirting. Or maybe he was up for a trip fling but nothing more. If he has your contact details he will use them if he wants to see you again.

Yeah @Elffyba that what I'm inclined to think sadly

I would normally never say chase a man but in this scenario what do you have to lose?

Message him saying ‘Hey X, it’s OP. Hope you had a good trip. I really enjoyed our chats and if you are ever in my town let me know if you want to grab a coffee.’

Balls in his court. He can ignore if he’s not interested or he may say thank you and then never contact you again but who cares? It’s not embarrassing. You haven’t declared your undying love, just a friendly coffee.

@ThatAquaRobin Please message him and let us all know how it goes. Am sure you are a very attractive woman and he will be massively happy to hear from you!

It’s practice! Enjoy it! Not every bike ride needs a destination 🤣.

That’s good.

Would you mind if I made it my motto for life please?!

Message him. Don't collude in the idea that all the power lies with men - if you want to make an approach there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Manh men lack the confidence to make an approach but are delighted to receive one. And if he isn't, so what? At least you'll know.

Good luck!

Thought I was going to read you kissed him on the lips goodbye and fled, Not that you spent 4 days chatting to another solo holidaymaker

Just strike up a conversation over WhatsApp. You don't need to ask him out straight away!