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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My boyfriends lust issue has made me feel s****dal

107 replies

annonymous98 · 21/04/2025 22:44

So me and my partner been together for 3 years (lived together the whole time) and up until 10 months ago he’s always blabbed on about girls it’s all he looks at it’s all he follows etc he deleted telegram a few months in to our relationship. All these girls (over 100 of them) are skinny, except 1. I’m a size 14 and 5ft 3, had a previous C-section for reference. He always uses fat as an insult towards people but never has used skinny as an insult so it clearly shows he views larger people in a negative light. He always lied and said he only likes these girls for their face only. He’s made a few comments and a month before giving birth I added things up and confronted him. He admitted that he likes skinny girls bodies. I then said it’s clear he has a type since only one in over a hundred women ( that’s only the ones I know about too) are big. He’s denied this and said “ I don’t have a type I like alsorts” “I don’t mind bigger girls” “trust me even though you’ve only seen me like skinny women I like big girls too even though you’ve not seen that” not to mention he always said he would never go for a massage but on Valentine’s Day (also pregnant) booked him one for a test. He went and came back saying how attractive and lovely she was and how she was old. Came back saying he made her feel so comfortable and she was talking about sex and him being a toy boy most of the time. Ever since I found out the truth I just can’t sleep with him and if I do it’s like once a month or so. I can’t get aroused and if I do the slightest bit I feel ashamed for it I feel like I’m not attractive enough to feel like that, unworthy of it. I hate my body so much I hate being around him I hate people seeing me I hate everything about myself he’s always like skinny women. He’s told me in the past I’m over weight and fat and have a big massive belly. I get he’s with me so he loves me but love isn’t everything, I need to feel womanly and secure and confident and he’s just destroyed that completely. I tried taking my own life near Christmas because it got so bad. I don’t take pictures I hate getting ready, I hate music I hate everything I feel like a complete dog. I’ve told him and he’s just said he wouldn’t change me for the world and bangs on about how much he loves me and thinks I look gorgeous. But I know he’s got a different type and he heavily admires women like really thinks about them in detail and looks at them in detail and he’s told me he would sleep with all these women. I love him too much to leave him but seeing him everyday is a constant reminder of how horrible I am. Do I have another word with him? What do I do? Am I in the wrong?

OP posts:
MereNoelle · 21/04/2025 22:46

You leave him. He is not a good man.

Tiswa · 21/04/2025 22:47

Yes you go - does your child live with this

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 21/04/2025 22:48

You've got it the wrong way around. You're not the one who's horrible. He is.

Maitri108 · 21/04/2025 22:49

You need to end the relationship. He's very immature and emotionally abusive. He's destroyed your self esteem and he's not going to stop slobbering over other women.

TwistedWonder · 21/04/2025 22:51

Please tell us your DC don’t live under the same roof as this disgusting piece of shit?

Come on - this man is telling you loud and clear he’s a repulsive misogynistic prick with zero respect for you. What on earth do you live so much about this scumbag?

Please find your self respect and dump this trash.

Viviennemary · 21/04/2025 22:56

He sounds a horrible weirdo who is always trying to make you feel insecure and ruin your self esteem, get away from this loser.

annonymous98 · 21/04/2025 23:00

Tiswa · 21/04/2025 22:47

Yes you go - does your child live with this

yes we have a boy together im his first sexual partner and his first love. I know he loves me but I need to know I’m what he prefers. As I have made clear he is what I prefer.

OP posts:
annonymous98 · 21/04/2025 23:02

Viviennemary · 21/04/2025 22:56

He sounds a horrible weirdo who is always trying to make you feel insecure and ruin your self esteem, get away from this loser.

Despite him saying he loves every part of me and wouldn’t change a thing it doesn’t change that he’s zoomed in on girls and showed me saying they’re perfect and they’ve got children and they’ve got a fantastic body and they’re the best women and partners and mothers ever when actually they’re porn stars. I’m a modest women and he likes skinny girls in boob tops with belly rings and sex workers and sexy dress sense. I just feel like dying honestly.

OP posts:
Pigeonqueen · 21/04/2025 23:05

He doesn’t love you. Why is your self esteem so low that you think this is love?

mayorofcasterbridge · 21/04/2025 23:06

What are you doing with this wanker? He's a cruel, nasty POS!

Get rid. Nobody who loved you would treat you like this.

Access therapy and work on your self-esteem x

Craftycorvid · 21/04/2025 23:10

Goodness me, dear! The only weight you need to lose is this useless lump of male flesh. He does not love you. He is far too immature to love anyone from your description of him. Go and find a peaceful life for you and your child.

TwistedWonder · 21/04/2025 23:15

Pigeonqueen · 21/04/2025 23:05

He doesn’t love you. Why is your self esteem so low that you think this is love?

I agree. OP this is so far removed from what a loving partner is.

What is your previous relationship history that you believe this vile man loves you? He doesn’t seem to even like you and certainly doesn’t respect you,

You really want your son growing up to think this is how men treat women?

Cone on, raise your bar out of this gutter and see what’s in front of your eyes.

Screamingabdabz · 21/04/2025 23:26

“…he likes skinny girls in boob tops with belly rings and sex workers and sexy dress sense.”

What is he, some porn addled grubby 13 year old wanking in his bedroom? He sounds utterly immature and grim. Why are your standards so low that your whole identity is wrapped up in what his misogynistic man-child fantasies are? You and your children deserve better.

nocoolnamesleft · 21/04/2025 23:31

You deserve better than him. He is vile. He is destroying you. He has destroyed your confidence. He has destroyed your self esteem. He has destroyed your joy in normal activities. He has destroyed your sex drive. And he has done all this to control you. He is a monster. Get out of there.

Enough4me · 21/04/2025 23:33

LTB

Worryabouteverything · 21/04/2025 23:34

He doesn't love you.
He is very insecure and that is why he puts you down.
Please please take your child and run as fast as you can to get away from him.

Agapornis · 21/04/2025 23:52

His first sexual partner? Is he a former incel? He sounds like a fan of A. Tate.

neilyoungismyhero · 21/04/2025 23:59

How old are you both,

peanutbutterjelly6 · 22/04/2025 00:11

annonymous98 · 21/04/2025 23:00

yes we have a boy together im his first sexual partner and his first love. I know he loves me but I need to know I’m what he prefers. As I have made clear he is what I prefer.

He doesn't love you if he did he wouldn't be perving on other women and commenting in front of you how attractive they are. He has no respect for you. He sounds like a dick. Leave him and work on your self esteem you deserve so much better

SchrodingersTwat2 · 22/04/2025 00:13

Don't waste your life, OP.

Lavender14 · 22/04/2025 00:19

That's not love op.

His behaviour is wildly out of line. He's disrespecting you, he's being borderline unfaithful, he's gaslighting you, he's emotionally abusing you.

You kick him out and you get yourself into good therapy to address your low self esteem.

This man is a walking red flag, his behaviour is misogynistic and honestly just creepy. Is it any wonder you feel bad about yourself when this is how he's treating you? Op lose the blinkers - the only problem here is him. You deserve better.

cinnamongirl123 · 22/04/2025 00:20

What on earth have i just read

Teenagehorrorbag · 22/04/2025 00:20

If 98 is your birth year you are mid twenties, assume he is too? Agree with a PP - why are you his first sexual partner? He clearly has issues which are nothing to do with you - he is lucky to have you at all! But it is completely not normal for a person to look at other peoples bodies when in a relationship, and to share that with their partner 😨! (Of course many men may do but they would try to hide it and would never tell their partners they preferred x and y bodies......)

Your DP sounds unhinged and controlling. Please leave asap and don't ever let him think it's you that is the problem. But if you insist on staying - then know that he is the weirdo, and be proud that you are an amazing woman who has given him a child. If he is sad enough that he has to look at all these other bodies then he has problems, but they are not yours and never let him dare to put you down.

But ideally - please please leave. Control freaks can get violent.

Chocchips123 · 22/04/2025 00:23

Get rid of this awful pathetic man and sort your life out. You will be happy again. 😊 don't let some moron do this to you. He doesn't deserve you!

Chocchips123 · 22/04/2025 00:24

Worryabouteverything · 21/04/2025 23:34

He doesn't love you.
He is very insecure and that is why he puts you down.
Please please take your child and run as fast as you can to get away from him.

This!

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