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Original poster

My boyfriends lust issue has made me feel s****dal

107 replies

annonymous98 · 21/04/2025 22:44

So me and my partner been together for 3 years (lived together the whole time) and up until 10 months ago he’s always blabbed on about girls it’s all he looks at it’s all he follows etc he deleted telegram a few months in to our relationship. All these girls (over 100 of them) are skinny, except 1. I’m a size 14 and 5ft 3, had a previous C-section for reference. He always uses fat as an insult towards people but never has used skinny as an insult so it clearly shows he views larger people in a negative light. He always lied and said he only likes these girls for their face only. He’s made a few comments and a month before giving birth I added things up and confronted him. He admitted that he likes skinny girls bodies. I then said it’s clear he has a type since only one in over a hundred women ( that’s only the ones I know about too) are big. He’s denied this and said “ I don’t have a type I like alsorts” “I don’t mind bigger girls” “trust me even though you’ve only seen me like skinny women I like big girls too even though you’ve not seen that” not to mention he always said he would never go for a massage but on Valentine’s Day (also pregnant) booked him one for a test. He went and came back saying how attractive and lovely she was and how she was old. Came back saying he made her feel so comfortable and she was talking about sex and him being a toy boy most of the time. Ever since I found out the truth I just can’t sleep with him and if I do it’s like once a month or so. I can’t get aroused and if I do the slightest bit I feel ashamed for it I feel like I’m not attractive enough to feel like that, unworthy of it. I hate my body so much I hate being around him I hate people seeing me I hate everything about myself he’s always like skinny women. He’s told me in the past I’m over weight and fat and have a big massive belly. I get he’s with me so he loves me but love isn’t everything, I need to feel womanly and secure and confident and he’s just destroyed that completely. I tried taking my own life near Christmas because it got so bad. I don’t take pictures I hate getting ready, I hate music I hate everything I feel like a complete dog. I’ve told him and he’s just said he wouldn’t change me for the world and bangs on about how much he loves me and thinks I look gorgeous. But I know he’s got a different type and he heavily admires women like really thinks about them in detail and looks at them in detail and he’s told me he would sleep with all these women. I love him too much to leave him but seeing him everyday is a constant reminder of how horrible I am. Do I have another word with him? What do I do? Am I in the wrong?

OP posts:
Andoutcomethewolves · 22/04/2025 17:47

Oh OP. Please get out of this relationship. My ex also (apparently, according to him) utterly adored me and was devastated when I finally ended things with him. After nearly ten years of him criticising me, controlling me, ostracising me from family and friends and ultimately being physically abusive (all while love bombing me about how much he loved me) I finally realised I was worth more but it took self harm and a lot of thoughts of suicide before I finally realised it was him destroying me, not anything that I'd done. Obviously your partner hasn't done all the same things but the effect on you is similarly terrible for your self esteem. Please know your worth and walk away, there are other men out there who will appreciate you genuinely for yourself, and in any case being single is better for you (and your child) than this (or even worse you being dead!) x

mambojambodothetango · 22/04/2025 17:52

Leaving aside the cruelty factor - it's the way he's skewed this to be his 'right' - how does his 'preference' get to dictate the dynamic between you, to the point you're suicidal? What are your preferences and do you spend all day telling him he doesn't match up to them? The need to have his preferences acknowledged above your own, above your self esteem and above your basic right to live without emotional abuse - who gave him that right? I know you can't see it now but when you're rid of him you'll see that he is using this as a form of control.

FleaBeeBob · 22/04/2025 18:25

He sounds like a keeper!

MsPenaluna · 22/04/2025 20:31

StrawberryDream24 · 22/04/2025 17:14

I’ve gotten to the point I don’t want to be alive around people because they’re going to see me and I’m embarrassed of the way I look and can’t fix it with makeup or hair styles or baggy clothes. I’ve got to the point where I think if I just die then I won’t have to see and be around people and they won’t see how bad I look

Could you be depressed?

Because this is incredibly extreme and completely disproportionate.

A. The average size in the UK now is 14- so you are like millions of other woman.

I'm an eBay seller and I sell very very little under a size 14, 12 at a push.

You're average.

You're normal.

That twat looking at and going on about skinny women, porn actresses etc. doesn't change that. I can look at six packed male fitness influencers over 6ft all day ......I don't see any of them when I walk out the door. I wouldn't even see them in local gyms. Because they represent a very small portion of the population.

You sound like you have body dysmorphia or similar .... Perhaps founded in abuse.

Could you get counselling through your GP or womens aid etc.?

B. Looks don't matter that much. What is more important is valuing your life, enjoying your life, living with integrity etc.
Looks fade, fluctuate and change. Being good looking doesn't make everything go your way ...if it did Marilyn Monroe or Halle Berry or Whitney Houston etc wouldn't have had the lives (and deaths in two cases) and relationships they've had.

I would say that this is fundamental if you weren't a mother.
But being a mother ..... There is no-one more crucial to your child's welfare, physical & mental, than you. They need you - regardless of how you look or what weight you are at any time, they need you more than anything on this planet.

Fuck thinking about looks. You're alive, you're apparently healthy, you have a healthy child. That's all that matters. No-one else matters. Not your dickhead partner, not anyone else who would judge you based on looks (and most people, decent people wouldn't do that).

Edited

Well said.

QueefQueen80s · 22/04/2025 21:03

I was with someone who was two halves of a person.. he would make me feel amazing and so beautiful, he was more besotted with me than I him. And the other half was obsessed with tiny, skinny and young women. Obsessed. He couldn’t see why I had a problem as he still made me feel good. He said I was insecure.. YEAH BECAUSE OF YOU YOU ARSEHOLE. Get rid OP

QueefQueen80s · 22/04/2025 21:07

StrawberryDream24 · 22/04/2025 17:14

I’ve gotten to the point I don’t want to be alive around people because they’re going to see me and I’m embarrassed of the way I look and can’t fix it with makeup or hair styles or baggy clothes. I’ve got to the point where I think if I just die then I won’t have to see and be around people and they won’t see how bad I look

Could you be depressed?

Because this is incredibly extreme and completely disproportionate.

A. The average size in the UK now is 14- so you are like millions of other woman.

I'm an eBay seller and I sell very very little under a size 14, 12 at a push.

You're average.

You're normal.

That twat looking at and going on about skinny women, porn actresses etc. doesn't change that. I can look at six packed male fitness influencers over 6ft all day ......I don't see any of them when I walk out the door. I wouldn't even see them in local gyms. Because they represent a very small portion of the population.

You sound like you have body dysmorphia or similar .... Perhaps founded in abuse.

Could you get counselling through your GP or womens aid etc.?

B. Looks don't matter that much. What is more important is valuing your life, enjoying your life, living with integrity etc.
Looks fade, fluctuate and change. Being good looking doesn't make everything go your way ...if it did Marilyn Monroe or Halle Berry or Whitney Houston etc wouldn't have had the lives (and deaths in two cases) and relationships they've had.

I would say that this is fundamental if you weren't a mother.
But being a mother ..... There is no-one more crucial to your child's welfare, physical & mental, than you. They need you - regardless of how you look or what weight you are at any time, they need you more than anything on this planet.

Fuck thinking about looks. You're alive, you're apparently healthy, you have a healthy child. That's all that matters. No-one else matters. Not your dickhead partner, not anyone else who would judge you based on looks (and most people, decent people wouldn't do that).

Edited

Great post! Just correcting that the average is size 16 and has been for well over a decade, I feel like I’ve been hearing it a lot longer though.

Gendernotsex · 22/04/2025 21:52

God this makes me so sad for you! I bet he's no bloody catch at all! Thats what makes me so angry- these bog standard, sub-par men think they're such a catch, when in reality they are hardly anything to write home about. He sounds thick as shit op, but believe me he KNOWS what he's doing- he's trying to keep you in your place, f**g with your head to keep you as he probably knows he's a loser. I'm a lot younger than you, and I can't believe this is still going on, but i had the misfortune of bumping into a lot of these types of sub par cunts as a teenager in the early/mid 2000s- overweight, frog-faced idiots critiquing girl's looks and bodies as they saw fit (I remember that fat fuck Chris Moyles slagging off Nicola from GA- she was striking, and as if she would ever want a laddish troglodyte like him!)

Please leave him, if not for yourself then for your DS xx

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