My boyfriends lust issue has made me feel s****dal

[annonymous98]

So me and my partner been together for 3 years (lived together the whole time) and up until 10 months ago he’s always blabbed on about girls it’s all he looks at it’s all he follows etc he deleted telegram a few months in to our relationship. All these girls (over 100 of them) are skinny, except 1. I’m a size 14 and 5ft 3, had a previous C-section for reference. He always uses fat as an insult towards people but never has used skinny as an insult so it clearly shows he views larger people in a negative light. He always lied and said he only likes these girls for their face only. He’s made a few comments and a month before giving birth I added things up and confronted him. He admitted that he likes skinny girls bodies. I then said it’s clear he has a type since only one in over a hundred women ( that’s only the ones I know about too) are big. He’s denied this and said “ I don’t have a type I like alsorts” “I don’t mind bigger girls” “trust me even though you’ve only seen me like skinny women I like big girls too even though you’ve not seen that” not to mention he always said he would never go for a massage but on Valentine’s Day (also pregnant) booked him one for a test. He went and came back saying how attractive and lovely she was and how she was old. Came back saying he made her feel so comfortable and she was talking about sex and him being a toy boy most of the time. Ever since I found out the truth I just can’t sleep with him and if I do it’s like once a month or so. I can’t get aroused and if I do the slightest bit I feel ashamed for it I feel like I’m not attractive enough to feel like that, unworthy of it. I hate my body so much I hate being around him I hate people seeing me I hate everything about myself he’s always like skinny women. He’s told me in the past I’m over weight and fat and have a big massive belly. I get he’s with me so he loves me but love isn’t everything, I need to feel womanly and secure and confident and he’s just destroyed that completely. I tried taking my own life near Christmas because it got so bad. I don’t take pictures I hate getting ready, I hate music I hate everything I feel like a complete dog. I’ve told him and he’s just said he wouldn’t change me for the world and bangs on about how much he loves me and thinks I look gorgeous. But I know he’s got a different type and he heavily admires women like really thinks about them in detail and looks at them in detail and he’s told me he would sleep with all these women. I love him too much to leave him but seeing him everyday is a constant reminder of how horrible I am. Do I have another word with him? What do I do? Am I in the wrong?

This too...

Why are you putting your whole worth onto this waste of skin? Do you think his opinions are facts? They are not.

A man will never and I mean ever fill that hole inside of yourself. Never put a person on a pedestal as they will always let you down. Put yourself on that pedestal instead. Put your worth into your child and be their role model.

He has damaged your mental health so much it sounds like you have developed body dysmorphia. You will never get better or feel happy whilst you remain with him.

Please for the sake of your child, get some counselling and pronto. Show your child this is not how relationships should look like. And believe me, I know what suicide has done to my nephews from losing their father. It has damaged them forever. Please do not so this to your child. Please I beg of you.

Also this!!!

Your son will grow up with this as his role model unless you LTB. He sounds like a vile incel A Tate fan and he’s ruining your life. You know this deep down - you need to get rid of him. Don’t be surprised when he tries to woo you back but just stick to your guns- he’s not a real man he’s a pathetic spiteful scumbag.

If you were born in 1998, then you're a similar age to my DDs. I'll do time for any man who treated either of them like this.

Please contact Women's Aid. You need help, support and advice as to how you get this digusting loser out of your young life x

Agree , couldn't have said it better myself.

@annonymous98 I weep for you, my darling.

HE makes you feel suicidal?

No, that is unacceptable.

Do you have the strength/courage/capability to kick him out of your life?

Where is your support? Family/friends

"Do I have another word with him?"

DEFINITELY, tell him to f*ck off

In a loving relationship you should feel respected, cherished and made to feel wonderful by your partner.

Anything less than that should not be tolerated.

jesus christ, this man barely even LIKES you, let alone loves you. And that’s nothing to do with you - he’s an arsehole. And lots of men ADORE curvier women - I’m a size 18 and my partner thinks I’m the hottest women on the planet. Please don’t settle for anything less than you deserve!

Also op just to say, as a mother of a boy - I would not want my son growing up with this as his role model of how you treat women. Your son needs you to step up here, to hold yourself in esteem and to demand better for yourself (and him) by walking away and doing therapy and creating a better life for yourselves and challenging all the disgusting misogynistic crap your boyfriend is spouting. Imagine your son growing up and thinking that's what womens bodies are meant to look like, that sleezing all over the Internet and booking sketchy massages and then bullying your girlfriend is what a healthy relationship looks like. Your son needs you to be strong and to show him an alternative or his father will destroy him and you'll both raise some girls nightmare. You have everything it takes within you to break that cycle op. Even if he makes you think you don't, you absolutely do.

Him 22 me 26

This relationship is not healthy or happy. Your boyfriend is immature, rude and disrespectful to you. He is not worthy of you. Please get out and then get some help to understand that you are so much better than this. You can be a good mum to your DS once you learn to value yourself for what you are.

he's not even cooked yet @annonymous98 send him back to his mummy 😎

He is AWFUL.
A selfish, misogynist adolescent.
There are good, kind, decent men out there. He isn't it.

He's immature and disgusting.

My 26 year old wouldn't be seen dead with a 22 year old.

I hope you will seek therapy and come to realize that you need to be worth far more to yourself and he needs to be worth far less to you.

I hope you will get strong enough very soon to know your worth, then proudly and happily move on with your son and leave this clown behind with his spank bank. You can do better girl and you deserve better, regardless of your size. Best wishes.

Run

Why do you keep repeating that he loves you when it’s crystal clear that he despises you?

You are so young . This man is not worth this.
You have a full life to live . A silly 22 year old who obviously needs to get away from social media/ porn and live in the real world is not worth all the sadness he is causing you.
I hope you are already getting support with your mental health.
You need to just focus on you and your child .

The way he treats you is abusive. You need to think about ending this relationship. It’s not fair
on your child that their parents are in an unhealthy relationship that puts their mother’s life at risk. Please try and get therapy and complete the freedom programme, which your local children’s centre should run.

Ew, he's icky. He's 22 & got a lot of growing up to do. He's nowhere near mature enough to be part of a live-in relationship. I also think he doesn't like you. You are still young. Get rid of him, and build up your self-esteem. Eventually you'll find someone who values you.

I agree with the posters saying you need to end the relationship. You’ve thought about taking your own life because of this and that is really concerning.

He sounds very immature and I don’t think he knows what love really is even though he keeps telling you it. A mature adult in a serious relationship who really loves you would not be making you feel insecure over your body weight (especially as you have had his child).

It’s easier for us as complete strangers to tell you to leave but when you are in the actual relationship it’s harder to do so. You don’t need that negativity in your life but counselling/ therapy may be needed for yourself.

Did you have body issues or low self esteem before entering into this relationship? Any past trauma? A size 14 is not severely overweight and you do need a mature partner who will make you feel loved and not insecure.

So you got together with an immature 19 year old when you were 23 and maybe already had a child - you refer to a previous C section so I’m guessing you have another DC?
And I presume by your OP he moved into your home almost immediately before you even really knew him. And it’s turned out he’s a completely misogynistic prick obsessed with ogling almost naked women and passing comment on their bodies to make you feel like shit but you’re convinced this is true love - wtaf???

You’ve made some pretty poor choices with this one but you’re still very young and you can (and should) end this toxic farce and work on your self respect, boundaries and raising your standards.

Honestly this is as good as it’s going to get with this loser. He’s far too immature to be a partner and a decent father - he’s got years of growing up to do before he should be anywhere near a relationship.

😂 oh no, I didn’t think he did

You’re so lovely, this is the nicest response. I didn’t include in the post he has stopped commenting on things like that and liking and following on social media. But I know he has watched porn while I’ve not been sleeping with him. I’ve always been bullied as a child by my own family. When I look back at child photos I’m not even chubby. It makes me cry how they made me feel like a fat kid when I wasn’t. I then was a little insecure but not much as a teen and it stuck with me because of my ex husband he always wanted the opposite body type and made me yo-yo my weight. I’ve never felt this level of insecurity though I think this is way past it. I even thought I was fat as a size 8. I look back on pictures of me (as a size 14) and realise I looked gorgeous and get upset that at the time I felt like the ugliest woman on earth and he made me feel like that. The issue is he can’t stop finding these girls attractive even though he’s not looking at them. And it’s eating me up. I can’t even listen to certain songs because it’s got a certain singer in it and I’ll just start crying.