Has anyone ever used MDMA to fix a marriage?

[theaccidentalcandidate]

Background
Ex ravers, married 20 years together 30 years, adult kids at University. Not taken drugs for 25 years, hardly drink. One partner still in love, the other not. Get on fine, don't argue, etc, no other people involved.

Yeah I don’t believe mdma could magically make someone fall in love with someone, but I don’t think that’s what the OP is suggesting either. It’s not really about that. I think what it can do is facilitate connection. It doesn’t matter that the drug wears off in the morning. The same way as you might have a memorable night out with friends that involves drinking, or a late night one to one over a glass of wine – yes, when you wake up the next day your inhibitions are no longer loosened, but the shared experience still remains part of that relationship.

Well yes, if you think alcohol and MDMA and ecstasy pose a similar risk then you would give your kids pills presumably?

If we are comparing the two, can you also explain what harm the manufacture and supply of alcohol does? To my knowledge alcohol is not primarily brought into the country and sold by gangs who cause untold levels of damage to people, especially women and children. It’s also not unregulated - the amount of alcohol in a standard bottle of wine is the same across the board - and it’s also unlikely at the point of purchase to be laced with anything that can kill you. Can it be harmful when misused? Absolutely, and the culture around alcohol in the UK is not good either. But the question wasn’t “can alcohol save my marriage?” which is why people are pointing out the problems with drugs and not alcohol.

When Professor Nutt- advisor to the Government - made the suggestion, based on his extensive and superior knowledge, they sacked him.

I'm not sure entirely what the REAL reasons are behind Governments refusing to consider the value of decriminalising certain drugs. It is not to do with care or concern for the public,that I'm sure of.

Hmm, I guess, but moments of connection come in many ways and not through MDMA alone. I think it's more likely that it might function as a temporary 'fix' and that days later the person who is still in love would feel even worse than before as the experience of that connection turns out not to be strong enough to sustain a return to their previous loved up life together.

You haven't done the drug in a very long time and you'll likely find the effects and come down very different on your older body than you did in your peak.

How does it work anyway? You're constantly dropping to stay in love? What's the Beans on Toast lyrics again "are you really really happy if you're always really high?"

Therapy is what's needed at a first glance but drugs or therapy can't force someone to be in love, if it's gone it's gone you need to accept it and move on.

If you obtain some and need to test… https://www.wedinos.org/1-sample-testing

I know you're right about all that.
I wish it was legal and available on prescription for therapy.

I wouldn't have a clue how to get hold of the stuff if I fancied giving it a try.

Could be a fun night, worth giving it a go

@theaccidentalcandidate I wish we could illigalise it and have proper controls (I would be first in line!). But it’s not currently and it’s just something to think about.

Good luck whatever you do, it sounds incredibly sad and stressful

I mentioned her as a reason I personally would never take it. It really traumatised me being forced to watch it when I was very young. I guess you can argue whether that’s a good or bad thing.

Im not massively anti drugs. People take them. Alcohol is also harmful etc (I’ve never seen the appeal of getting drunk either though tbf).

I do however think that it must be illegal for a reason. So can’t be that safe?! And I would also NEVER want to support organised crime.

I would also never take any substance to make me feel a certain way about someone (because I trust my own feelings I guess)

Same on all counts. It's a funny feeling being Sensible about drugs but experience really teaches you how to do them well rather than just snorting up any old stuff at a house party like when I was 22. Oddly enough fancy wine gives me less of a hangover than £5 supermarket specials too, who'd have thought.

Of all the drugs I've done, MDMA was actually life-changing. There's something about how it makes your anxieties melt away and the positivity it makes you feel that you can still tap into when sober. I stopped worrying about so much after I started taking it.

On topic, it depends what the OP's marital problems were to begin with. I don't know if it'd fix anything really deep but it could certainly rekindle an emotion that's been dormant for too long.

Are the come downs still terrible on MDMA these days? If so not worth the crash and dysregulation to your mental health after. Ex raver here

I always wondered how it differed for each individual.

I suffered terribly. Other friends at the same time would not.

I'm 65 and have never tried it - just a little too old for the rave generation...

But I'm quite curious now and wonder whether I should give it a go

Well @mumtumfun if you prioritise sleep, drinking water, exercise afterwards then no come down really. Plus you know what is going on…….

I can't see any scenario where dropping an E is going to do anything good.

1. 'You have to take drugs to tolerate me'
2. 'I have to take drugs to tolerate you'
3. 'You've been abstinent from almost everything for decades but you're just going to have to start using again'
4. 'Everything's wonderful, everything's amazing'. 'What the fuck did I do last night? Nothing changed'
5. 'That was just the drugs. I still don't love you'
6. 'Sounded like a good idea at the time, but unfortunately it was a bad pill and well, I'm outside A&E now'
7. 'You mean I started taking them again and you're still leaving?'
8. 'Oh, so what you actually meant was that you were having an affair?'

I'd say if you are considering turning to pharmaceuticals to save your marriage, then it is probably well and truly over.

Much healthier to get a divorce and move on, imo.

It was used by marriage counsellors years ago in the US before it was illegal. I think of you could be sure that it was pure MDMA it would be a good thing to try. The problem is that you don't know what it is. When I was younger that didn't bother me too much but it would now. So it depends on your source, I suppose. But, in principle, I think it would be good to try. I can see how it might help.

I think lots of people commenting on here have no understanding of MDMA

I’ve obviously seen too many of these true life cop shows, but I just couldn’t fancy taking anything that’s had a high risk of having been hidden in someone’s arse crack first. Perhaps they should use that as an anti drugs campaign?

When younger I have had amazing nights with friends and partners on MDMA. However to me this feels like a shortcut and I don’t believe in shortcuts. There are some issues in your marriage or you have grown apart or your values are now misaligned. Drugs won’t change that. If one of you is not ready to put work in through therapy then that simple fact alone would say a lot about the potential for the relationship surviving?

I am confused as to why you think this would help?

I am not totally anti-drugs (although don’t do them myself) and want cannabis legalised but I cannot understand why you think this would save your marriage?

Are you not just trying to put a plaster over it?

Surely if you want to save the marriage then getting to the route of the problem and coming up with a solution is better than putting a bandaid over it.

Who, exactly?

I completely agree.

It doesn’t matter that MDMA is illegal, turning to any substance, even alcohol, to get through the relationship is not a good idea and will not work long term.