Do you remember your parents arguing as children?

[heartbroken22]

There are one or two that stand out that made me think please stop or why do they always argue. One at home and one at the doctors. It was awful.

also did you ever view one parent better than the other? Maybe at different times. It’s amazing kids we see whose struggling and who needs help etc

We spoke about this recently and neither my brother or I ever remember our Mum & Dad arguing. My Mum said it very rarely happened & clearly if it did it didn't involve shouting etc. We were very lucky

Happened occasionally but not enough to negatively impact me.

My parents were always arguing. I remember it very well. Usually though at home rather than public outbursts. It just was what it was. I remember finding other people’s homes more relaxed, kinder and less judgemental/ harsh places

Frequently. And I still remember the fear. It’s very damaging. I don’t recall feeling either parent was worse, but I do believe my mother may have got physical either with my father or throwing things, etc.

and now I’m older I can understand there were other factors at play but that doesn’t take away the memory of a young child waking up to hear screaming and shouting.

My child sees us have disagreements. But we will never allow those to escalate to anything angry and will not allow disagreements to drag on.

(edit as I posted too soon).

My parents argued sometimes but not all the time. I disagree with the suggestion that it is automatically unlucky to see your parents argue. I think it’s actually quite important to see that people in a long-term relationship can have differing views on things and see how people navigate disagreement and seeing your parents argue can be an opportunity to learn. Also in our house, arguments were over when they were finished. No-one held grudges or sulked.

However, if parents argue the whole time, that suggests the relationship was toxic which is obviously a bad thing and horrible for the children.

I don’t remember regular arguments. I do remember tense stand-offs where dm would flip at something. I wonder now if it were the menopause that cause these extreme reactions , or was something going on that we never knew about.

I also remember reading that it’s not unhealthy for kids to see the odd argument, as long as it’s part of a non-abusive marriage, as then they learn to deal with it.

Yeah, quite a lot. Less so arguments with each other and more my mother flying into rages and yelling and throwing things. I hated her for it.

My parents didn't even know each other when they were children.

Happened occasionally but not enough to negatively impact me.

Same. There were occasional rows but mostly they got on well and we had a happy family life. I thought it was good to see that people could fall out and still have a good relationship.

Saying that, they split up (when I was 18), I hadn't realised anything was different 😅

Yes, I can remember my Mum throwing a glass of wine at the wall once. She would also get up and walk out sometimes which made me scared and worried.
My Dad uses to roll home late from work all the time though, usually having been in the pub and I generally felt on my Mum's side and wish they would get divorced.

Yes I remember lots of arguing. As a child I always mentally took my dad's side although never expressed that...now I'm older, I see things differently

One or two a year , would be pretty explosive but never physical . I can remember one on a Sunday when my dad liked a cooked breakfast . A row broke out and the remains of the breakfast was thrown on the floor with both refusing to tidy it up .
It sat there until the dog are it !

@Dery I agree with you.

My parents went through a rocky patch when I was about 10 years old & my DBro was about 8. We moved into a house that needed a lot of work (no inside loo or bathroom, needed re-wiring etc etc). Then my father decided to go back to university for a year about 80 miles away leaving my poor mother effectively a single parent with 2 kids & a building site. No wonder she used to have screaming arguments with him when he came home for a visit.

It was very scary for Dbro & me who used to hide upstairs while crockery smashed, screaming rows downstairs which frequently ended in mum driving off to stay the night in a hotel.

Years later mum would bring it up every time they had a disagreement.

Some. Mainly borne out of her frustration at his lazy and selfish he was. But the tense silences were worse.
We were on my mum's side, but I see it differently as an adult: no one was actually to blame; they just married the wrong people.

Dh and I have argued in front of the kids. More when they were young, because it was all just harder. All quite chilled now.

My mum had a vile temper and would have tantrums about everything. She was violent and abusive. Dad would argue back occasionally when he'd had enough but he didn't really bother.

I had the same experience.

As soon as I went up to bed at night from age 11 onward, my mother started shouting. I don't think she knew I could hear her. It was really scary. I think she was a very angry and unhappy person.
I didn't want to spend another minute at home longer than I had to. I worked hard at school then left for Uni and never went back.
By the time I was 23 I was running a successful business in Manchester.

I envy those people who had loving, supporting mothers.

My mum and dad never argued at all that I can remember, never shouted or swore at each other either. We had no dramas in our house when we were growing up.

They also never discussed finances, anything personal or talked about other people, family members etc. in front of us.

No, I don’t remember ever seeing my parents arguing, for which I feel very lucky.
Unfortunately my mum has passed away now, but they had a very loving relationship and were both very easy-going people. Equally, five years in my partner and I have never had a proper argument. Get a little annoyed at each other from time to time for minor things, but sort it out quickly.

This. My parents argued occasionally, and my dad had a temper, but they clearly loved each other very much. Yes, I didn’t like it when it happened, but it was always resolved, and that is important to see.

Constantly.

Not a minute of a day did they not argue, shout and there was domestic violence too.

As a very young child I remember feeling very ashamed as they would swear, shout and argue in public and around family and friends.
They would call each other awful names.
They didn’t care where they were or who they were with, the shouting would have no limits.

I was permanently on edge, frightened and on egg shells because when they were angry with each other, they were angry with us too… just because they were angry. So we would get the brunt of it too.

I got hit for asking if I could make my siblings something to eat if I hadn’t waited long enough after they were fighting, yet I would get hit if I just went ahead and made them a sandwich because they were hungry without asking.

Yes occasionally. I didn't like it but it didn't happen too often.

Yes a lot!

It’s not a nice atmosphere but they were under huge amounts of stress, neither very psychologically skilled and they were very mismatched

I think I was very critical of my mum for a bit in early adolescence but pretty quickly I could see it was both of them.

Yes it has impacted me, though it’s minor compared to what many kids go through.

My parents would argue regularly in a way that was absolutely terrifying. My father had a short fuse and my mother liked to bait him so that he'd fly into rage - he'd turn purple as he shouted and swore, and she'd goad him some more... and it would often end with threats of suicide (and occasionally an actual attempt).

Subsequently, DH and I have never had any sort of substantial argument in front of our DC (we've had inconsequential minor disagreements, which I think is relatively healthy, but I have a distorted view of such things now...)

My parents' awful relationship domitated my childhood. Huge rows were an inevitable feature of every weekend and holiday. A lot of shouting on both sides and occasional throwing things (my mother I think). References by my mother to occasional physical violence, although I never witnessed this.

I spent a lot of time in fear. Oddly I couldn't tell you exactly what I was afraid of but it was terrifying none the less. It was incredibly damaging to me and my siblings, and our adult relationships have all been impacted on various ways.

At the time my sympathy was with my mother but as an adult I came to understand that she was/is a very, very difficult person. I now blame them both for not being able to better control their behaviour.