Do you remember your parents arguing as children?

[heartbroken22]

There are one or two that stand out that made me think please stop or why do they always argue. One at home and one at the doctors. It was awful.

also did you ever view one parent better than the other? Maybe at different times. It’s amazing kids we see whose struggling and who needs help etc

Just to add, one of the saddest aspects of rowing parents, we never invited friends home because you could never guarantee either the violent rows or deadly silences.

All the time. And they were vicious. My mum walked out a couple of times. But nothing ever changed.
I'd often say it would be better if they just got a divorce. And was told I was a hateful child for saying so.
They filed for divorce as soon as my youngest brother left home.
As I got older I could see what was going on and could understand why they had screaming matches. (Father was a serial cheat and withheld money from us all growing up.). I feel it made me grow up early.
I view him now with a lot of contempt.

Yes. A lot. Thankfully they divorced when I was a teen.

the fights would be awful. Loud. Physical. I remember standing with siblings sobbing at the front bedroom window watching my mum storm out and not knowing if she’d come back.

I tried to intervene when my father locked her in the conservatory to beat her once. Almost smashed the door down. He was an evil cunt.

No violence thankfully, but I also avoided friends coming round due to the bad atmosphere.

i don’t ever remember my parents arguing. I dread to think what my children remember from their early childhood with their abusive father. They don’t want to talk about it so I don’t push it.

@ParsnipPuree I’m assuming you are not with him now and your children are safe. I’m sure they will have memories but they will know that they are safe now

I don’t remember them arguing but they must have as I wrote about it in my teenage diary.

Yes. There was DV in my home as a child. And when there wasn’t that there was bickering and silent treatment. It really fucked me up as a child and as an adult. No child should ever have to experience that.

Do I remember my parents arguing as children?

Nope, they only met as adults, and I wouldn't have been there if they'd been arguing as children anyway! 😂

Yeah they argued almost every day. Weekends were worse, when my Dad really ramped up the drinking. He would punch doors, throw glasses across the room, threaten to throw my Mum through the windows. It was constant throughout my entire childhood. He's very old now, my Mum had passed away, and me and my sister have to do everything for him. It rankles. He's mostly mellow these days, but now and again, if he doesn't like something, you can see the flash in his eyes and a slightly snarled lip. Horrible.

No. I think I remember a couple tense words from my mother but my father never raised his voice. Ever.

Yes - I think I blanked out a lot of it. I remember my dad coming home drunk and DM putting me in the bath to stop him driving me 40 miles in the car to see his mother. I also remember him throwing plates of food at the wall during rows . He was killed when I was 9 but my DM told me
when I was an adult that he regularly beat her senseless - and told her he would kill her if she tried to leave - I don't remember the violence - she thought I blocked it out as she was certain I had witnessed it.
DM eventually remarried a wonderful man - they had a deeply kind and loving life together. She never told him about the violence she had experienced as he would have been devastated.

All the time. My Dad also hit my mum. Strangely, my brother was always on my dad's side and I was always on my mum's. We used to mimic their arguing and argue upstairs about who was right. Sometimes it was terrifying though and we huddled together

We did the same course😁 best thing a father can do for his children is love their mother, said the Priest, who obviously knew all about married life..

Constantly. All they did was argue and sulk and bicker.

They still bicker constantly now. Married for 54 miserable years, it seems.

My parents argued non stop. I blame my mother, though she had a mental health issue, but didn’t seek as much help as she should have for it. I try not to be too harsh, as seeking help for mental health issues in the 80’s wasn’t as easy as it is now. There was a lot of stigma. I sadly have a lot of memories of the details of some of these arguments, one of them I was nearly physically injured as my mother threw an object through a window, aimed at my dad, or just wanting to cause some chaos. That stands out the most, but so do the days out when they were arguing non stop. One very sad memory that stands out is my brother and I sitting at our kitchen table, hearing loud arguing going on and I said a prayer that it would stop. It’s such a sad memory, two primary school aged children sitting there in prayer (we weren’t overly religious but went to Sunday school).

Once my relationship with my ex broke down I left immediately, as I wasn’t having my children grow up on that situation. My kids are 17 & 20 now and we live in a household where no-one raises their voice, a very harmonious home. I try not to harbour any hard feelings towards my mum, and would never raise it. It impacted both my brother and I so much.

My parents spent all my childhood either arguing / ignoring eachother!
I have never seen them kiss / hug and maybe seen them hold hands twice!
They have had separate bedrooms since I was 11 and still do 40+ years later!
Now (they’ve been married over 50 years) they will sit in separate rooms - no shared interests.
They argue all the time - at home / in public, they certainly act as if they dislike eachother.
I find it sad especially as my DH died young and we actually liked eachother!
When they are being particularly viscous to eachother I want to shout how lucky they are!

I'm amazed that some people didn't experience their parents arguing. I think a bit of arguing now and again is probably harmless but the "flaming rows" are not.

I experienced a few flaming rows as a child and they're etched into my memory. I can still picture my dad shouting, slamming the door and driving off and my mum in tears on the sofa telling me he's ruining her life. I was probably about 12. (And then they wonder why I'm emotionally distant as an adult!)

I can only remember once when I was 8 or 9 - it was about money. But although DM & DF weren’t arguing, some of my childhood was toxic as both my parents smacked me & DF once hit me round the head ( I was 15) It worries me that I’ve inherited DF’s temper 😢

Yes and it was awful. Both dead now (would be almost 90 now). They should never have stayed together. I loved them both, but god their dislike and contempt of each other was shocking.

They stayed together out of sheer laziness I think. Neither one of them could be bothered with the hassle of leaving. We had no money (genuinely ‘poor’) which probably didn’t help, and in those days when couples got married, they tended to stick it out even when it was shit. However, as kids, we really suffered from the horrendous fights, with my mum often dragging us all to stay with her parents for a couple of days, then dragging us back when she forgave my dad. It was very unsettling.

My DPs seemed happy but my DM was constantly having a go about money. She refused to work and badgered my DF to earn more. I only once saw them have a really big fight after she had gone on for hours. I was horrified and fled. My DM didn't even notice I'd gone.

It’s quite amazing how many of that generation just stayed together. I suppose most women couldn’t leave as they didn’t have the financial ability to do so.

My mum and dad hated each other for the last 20 years of their marriage. She even hated him 10 years after he died! She wasn’t a nice a person though. Never had a good word to say about anyone. They both died due to alcohol issues which they both used to mask the pain of their miserable marriage.

They would have been so much happier had they split up! Wasted their lives.

Maybe once in 6 months and even then I would see it was more a half hour disagreement rather than arguing or shouting. And they always made up or talked it out a bit later in the day which is why they've been married 41 years which me and hubby now do aswell talk things thru don't let them get into something there's no need of

I had a horrendous childhood being raised by a toxic narcissist mother who I remember was so mean to my dad. Would put salt on his food if they argued. He was placid but over time has become like her to survive and I can't stand either of them. As a result I'm a hyper vigilant adult who gets anxious about not being in the know and am super organised as a result to be included but have gt lots of impatience from my childhood and am very loud (I was a mute as a child and my childhood was super loud swearing smashing shouting slamming doors), I hope I'm doing enough to break the cycle.

Now and again. They are humans.