Do you remember your parents arguing as children?

[heartbroken22]

There are one or two that stand out that made me think please stop or why do they always argue. One at home and one at the doctors. It was awful.

also did you ever view one parent better than the other? Maybe at different times. It’s amazing kids we see whose struggling and who needs help etc

My parents never argued. What I realised now is however wrong my mother is my dad will just accept it to keep the peace. Parents arguing may be toxic, but parents never arguing may also be unhealthy.

Yes - all the time. They did divorce when I was a young adult, over 30 years ago now.

I didn't get on well with mum but equally could see that dad was infuriating. Especially in hindsight.
Holidays were dreadful because it seemed there was more stress and arguments than ever.

Mum did remarry. Her and her 2nd husband also bicker a lot. But it seems more along the lines of non stop goady comments, it doesn't seem to raise to the level of all out shouting and vicious comments.

Yes I remember. My mum was very argumentative and would not speak to people for days or even weeks. My dad was placid but think probably adopted the " lay low and don't say anything much" . I only realised many years later during a therapy session I had adopted that same format. I grew up feeling I was never good enough for her.

Yes. But my parents were violent drug addled alcoholics so not representative of parents generally.

We were removed from them when I was 7.

My earliest memories is fights in our home. My very earliest memory is a fight between my parents that my eldest brother tried to get involve in and then when I asked them to stop shouting (I worked out I was about 3ish) my father snatched my toy from my hand and chucked it on the fire.

We don't argue often. The children see/hear us disagree, but it's always respectful and resolved. I think learning to disagree in a respectful way is incredibly important for children to learn.

I do remember them arguing, though it wasn't often, but one particular argument sticks out in my memory because my mum told me to put my shoes on and shouted at dad that she was leaving with me and I remember feeling really upset, not that we were leaving, but because I had 50p upstairs in my room and I didn't want to leave it behind! We didn't actually leave, and I have no idea what the argument was about, I just remember that moment and that feeling.

It was either strained silence or arguing. Not much in between. I don't remember any laughter between them. Ever.

My mum and dad weren't together. My mum was with my step dad since I was 2 and I don't remember them arguing. My biological dad was the better parent.

I can only remember my parents arguing once. I don’t think they really like each other these days but still they don’t argue. It’s more glares behind the others back.

Yes a lot. Hated weekends. Has negatively impacted me into adulthood

Constantly, loudly and with detail which meant I knew all about their private life from a very young age. Occasionally my dad would hit my mum, i remember being confirmed at church with my mum wearing sunglasses as she had a black eye. The night before id been at a friends so they’d obviously really gone for it arguing. They’d then give each other the silent treatment.

chris Eve one year they had had a massive row and weren’t talking but agreed they’d pretend to be ok on Christmas Day for my sake. They see me to think or be oblivious to the fact I could hear every word.

I was an incredibly anxious child . I can tell someone’s mood at 100 paces. If I’m sat next to a couple in a restaurant who have fallen out or are arguing I feel physically ill.

Mum and dad argued as they both were very determined people 😂 The arguments were fiery and once mum threw a pint of milk on the kitchen floor. However they always made up and I don't recall ever worrying about it. It was how their relationship was. They loved each other deeply and mum is buried with dad's ashes in with her. She never got over his death, despite it being 14 years ago.

Yes. They had the most foul and frightening arguments. Frequently. Every holiday and celebration always ruined by hideous arguments. They're not together any more, but being exposed to their arguments growing up is my one, main resentment that I find hard to shake off. I have made sure my dc never experience the same. Dh and I rarely argue anyway, but if we do it's away from the kids. Never want them to feel how I felt.

Agree.
my mum and argued but had a solid marriage
everyone loved my dm but she could be a bit ‘inpatient’ sometimes.

Not speaking on my childhood but I've been in an abusive relationship myself.
Your last bit about being able to tell people's moods and sense things really resonates with me.
I also have a really good radar as it were and can spot an abusive relationship by the tiniest of detail, no one has ever really understood this and you're the first person I've seen say this about themselves.
My friends say I'm a good judge of character but it's deeper than this
I've been so affected by that relationship I've been on my own with my 2 children for 10 years, there's no way I'd even risk putting them through a life so toxic. I enjoy peace

I wish I’d done that, I seemed to be trauma bonded to my mother, she groomed me from an early age that I was there to emotionally soothe her and that my dad was awful. One of my earliest memories is her saying to me “ I’d kill myself if it wasn’t for you”.

I moved 12 miles away, far enough for my mother not to pop round as she doesn’t drive.

Yes, I was woken a few times in the night and a sibling was too. It was dad's very loud swearing and threatening/hot air that I got annoyed about.

8 year old me got up a few times and stood at the top of the stairs telling him to stop shouting, he's ruining everyone's sleep and maybe a walk round the block might be a better idea.

I had copied my grandma's phrases and it always worked. He was very loud and probably intimidating to most but didn't scare my siblings and I as our Grandma had the measure of him.

They rowed all the time

My mother would goad him and he'd snap (he's a quiet man who just wants a quiet life,she's like a firework,anything and nothing sets her off)

They would then go for it,hammer and tongs while dragging us in to take sides-and if you chose the 'wrong' side,you'd get a smack (and I mean beaten up)

I remember the one row they had and we all got caught up,with him in the lounge

She was banging and screaming 'don't you dare take my babies!'

Somehow,my brothers got out and joined her in the kitchen but I got stuck with him

The banging and screaming stopped-she didn't even think of trying to get me out-my father was raging like a bull and I think he would have gone for me if I hadn't hidden-he was that angry

That was the day I realised neither parent loved me-she's a narcissist and he enables her (I'm now nc but that took years of trying to earn their love)

They are a truly toxic pair who should never have met,let alone got married and had kids

I remember it vividly, but my siblings say they never fought. It was always my mother yelling at my Dad which would wake me up at night. Not that he was blameless, but he wasn't a shouter. My mother kept quiet while we were wake, but would explode in the evenings.
Their divorce wasn't a surprise.

My parents argued all the time and I always thought my dad was right. They still argue and I still think this mostly but I can view it more as an outsider now. My mum is so socially unaware and talks over people (worsened by the fact she is deaf in on ear now) has very strong but uneducated and often ignorant opinions and is generally not very worldly. But she stayed at home most of her life and she now works with other old white women in a charity shop who have similar ideas to her so this is all reinforced.

My dad is thoughtful, considers opinions and listens to people. He is very well read and is always trying new things so I can see how infuriating she is to him. He also now looks after her as she has limited mobility so that adds to the exacerbation as she just says "I need this" and expects it right away whatever he's doing.

I used to think my mum was a bitch and lazy. Now I realise there's a lot of underlying issues (high cases of neurodiversity in my family!) and a lack of having her own life when we were young. She's always volunteered and has always cared a great deal about family, she's a fab grandma but she is difficult to live with!

I always worshipped my dad but I can now see he is very set in his ways and can't stand to be interrupted, he spends most of his life in his garage tinkering and always has done. when we were kids we respected that but at the expense of my mums needs!

Overall I think they were not a great match tbh but they've made it 55 years so something must have gone right!

No I don’t at all. My parents actually divorced when I was 18 and to me it came completely out of the blue as they always presented such a united front and happy marriage. I had a great childhood and was very privileged. Their divorce made me question everything and thing it was all just a lie. It wasn’t on my dad’s part but I came to learn my mum had been unhappy for many years but kept it hidden.

My DH and I rarely argue, we have words occasionally but my kids have never ever seen us in a slanging match and won’t ever. It’s important to both of us and I am actually happy in my relationship so they’ll be no issues later down the line. Can’t imagine ever not wanting to be married to my DH. I appreciate I am incredibly lucky to have such a good marriage and DH.

Frequently, mainly instigated by my mother.

One memorable occasion included her lobbing a whole (opened) packet of butter at my father.

Apparently she doesn’t remember any of this and it’s all my imagination. It was awful and most of my childhood was spent walking on eggshells waiting for the next explosion.

Sadly although I can spot Moods it’s always been drummed into me that they are mine to manage so if someone seems mad it must be my fault! I’m better now but it’s taken a lot of work to get there. I’m a terrible fawner/people pleaser if I don’t have a word with myself!

Yes mine were arguing until almost the day my dad died.

Lots of arguments and some domestic violence up until my late teenage years , I found it really traumatic, they stayed together and got on better in older age but still some bickering